Waiting

Last week got a little interesting. By interesting, I'm using Wash's definition.

Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting"

Mal: "Define 'interesting'."

Wash: [deadpan] "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?"

On Thursday, my nurse came out to give me my progesterone shot. It's the last one. Hooray! She got out the doppler and began searching for Rory's heartbeat. She couldn't find anything. I kept twisting and turning to see if we could get her to turn or move but I wasn't feeling anything. Finally, we found her and got her to kick. Her heartbeat started at a normal 145 BPM but then dropped down to 90. Alarmed, my nurse called my doctor and said that she thought I needed to come in and be monitored. Doctor agreed and Ben and I took off.

I was supposed to go to the doctor that day at 1:30 so it wasn't much of a difference to go to Labor and Delivery Triage instead. They hooked me up to the monitors and began some tests. My heart rate was too fast. Rory's heart rate was too fast. Blood was taken to check for diabetes or preeclampsia. I laid on the bed and tried hard not to let my mind run away. I wasn't having many contractions and they were still mild. Finally, everything came back normal. My heart rate had come down and so did Rory's. They did a quick sonogram and Rory looked great. Her fluid level was right on the borderline of normal/high but it wasn't enough to warrant any intervention. I'm dilated to a 2. I was sent home with orders to take it easy but that I was off of bedrest.

The next day was officially 37 weeks. This was the day I had Milly. There were already a lot of labor warning signs and I assumed that this would go much the same way. My mother had taken the kids the night before in anticipation of Rory's possible arrival. Ben took me to breakfast and we did a little shopping. I came home to rest and then went out with Mom and Milly. We shopped around and I realized that contractions were getting stronger and closer together. It's working! We're almost done! Look at the cute Easter headbands that make your daughters look like giant flowers!

Grandma left before the kiddos came home on the bus from school. We played a bit and made dinner. Suddenly those kind of contractions became double-over-and-nearly-scream contractions. They were 2 minutes apart and lasting for over a minute. I could barely breathe between them. We called my parents and they came back over. We loaded up and took off for the hospital assuming that we would be a family of 6 in no time.

We make it into Labor and Delivery and start getting hooked up. The doctor checks me and I'm dilated to a 3. That's it?!? After all of this? I feel like I'm being torn in half! They check me and realize that I'm pretty dehydrated. Rory still sounds fine but she's not turned down correctly. She's hitting my pelvic bone. My bag of waters is right there but Rory's not hitting it enough to break it. They hook me up to a saline IV and unhook the other monitors. They tell me that I'll go home after getting hydrated. So...we're not having a baby? I "get" to go labor at home? Well...alright. I get three bags of saline and the contractions all but disappear. The dehydration was making them seem 10 times worse than what they were. So we go home around midnight and try to sleep.

Ben takes me the next day to breakfast and then to get a pedicure. He goes and buys a birthing ball. The man is a flipping saint. We load up the car and go pick up the kids from the grandparents. Here we find out how hard Gideon is taking things. The night before he had started fussing when my Dad got there. Papa cuddled him and Gideon fell asleep on his shoulder. When Grandma and my sister came over, they got everyone loaded up to take them to dinner. Gideon began crying when he woke up and didn't stop. They passed him around at the restaurant trying to soothe him. My mother finally held him and covered him up with a jacket to block everything out. He fell asleep again. He cried when they left and passed out that night. We came to get him on Saturday afternoon. He was clingy and needed so much extra reassurance. For the last week his life has been upside down. Mama and Daddy keep disappearing for some reason. Sometimes Daddy picks him up from day care and sometimes it's Grandma. One night he'll sleep at home and the next he'll sleep at Grandma's. He just doesn't understand what's going on and it's making him upset.

We spent Saturday night out on a date. The kids went to a Parent's Night Out that we had registered for a week ago. Ben and I went to dinner and then came home to rest. I took a hot bath and stayed off my feet. We called his parents and filled them in on everything that's happened. Ben went and picked up the kids and we put them to bed. Then we tried to go to sleep. From 11:30 to 4 AM I could not sleep. My heart kept racing, I was having bad contractions and I could not lay down without intense pain. I sat up at 2 AM and drank 32 ounces of apple juice to see if hydrating would make the contractions stop. They stopped but I was still in a lot of pain. At 4, I woke Ben up crying. I just needed sleep and I couldn't sleep. He convinced me to take some sleeping pills and to not worry about the kids in the morning. I could sleep as long as I needed. I took the pills and finally drifted off. I got on-and-off sleep until noon on Sunday. I got to cuddle my oldest for an hour. I played with Milly and watched as Gideon stayed in a quiet room with his iPad for hours. My babies were OK. I cooked dinner that night. Sunday was a great day.

In the midst of all of this, we've been trying to buy a house. I'm not even kidding. We found one house that we really like and we're submitting a bid. We would move in May. It's exciting but it's adding a layer of HOLY MOLY to our lives.

Today is quiet. Milly is twirling while she watches Mickey. The kids are at daycare. I feel fine and haven't seen much labor signs so I think she's staying put. I'll see my doctor tomorrow.

Now we just wait.

Bits and Pieces

I am just no good at this blogging everyday thing. Here's what's been going on lately.

• Gideon is addicted to cheese. He eats two or three cheese sticks a day. Last night, I introduced him to Rotel dip. It's now his new love language.
• I've been pulling clothes and doing laundry all week. I think I finally have all of the kids' clothes ready to pack. Onto the adults stuff tonight.
• I've been mainlining Law & Order lately. It ticks me off that Netflix only has the first 8 seasons of the original show. I've watched all of them and moved on to SVU.
• Milly has a new lovey. It's a blanket with tags all around the sides. She tiptoes around the house with the lovey clutched to her cheek and her thumb in her mouth. CUTEST. THING. EVER.
•  Sophie got her hair cut at the salon. We went as soon as they opened and I let her explore for 20 minutes before sitting down. She did a great job. Her new haircut suits her perfectly!

And now, the picture parade...

A Good Influence

I went to a church from 1st/2nd grade until I was a freshman. I grew up around some amazing people. Some of those people are now back in my life thanks to social media. (Fine. Facebook. I'M TOO OLD FOR THE TUMBLR.)

MANDY
There was a girl a few years older than me with beautiful red hair and the voice of an angel. Seriously, everyone stopped in wonder when Mandy sang. I sang in the children's and youth choirs the whole time we attended this church. I watched Mandy sing countless solos and could not even feel envy because she was so amazing. Mandy unknowingly pushed me to continue singing and take lessons to hone my voice. In high school, I nabbed my own fair share of solos. Now we comment back and forth on our statuses about kid antics and other minutia. I wonder if she still sings.

BRANDON
Brandon was a force of nature. He could sing. He could act. He could bring you to hysterical tears with a funny story. I don't think he has ever met a stranger. Even if you were 4 years younger, he still made you feel important. He taught me to put aside my comfort zone and step into the spotlight. I learned that I could stumble on my lines and still get laughs. I still have scars from when Brandon ran up behind another boy at the water park who was talking to a chaperone and pantsed him and HEY NOW I KNOW THAT BOYS DON'T WEAR ANYTHING UNDER THEIR SWIMSUITS. I love reading his travel stories and seeing the pictures of fun places he's been. It looks like many others have seen how dynamic and fun Brandon can be as your friend.

ASHLEY AND HEATHER
Ashley and Heather were both my age. I think they have been friends and both attended that church since the beginning of their lives. Both were (and still are) gorgeous, talented and brilliant. They were good friends who honestly cared about others. Now they are grown women each with a little girl. Those girls are also friends and remind me so much of the girls I grew up with. I'm grateful to still call them friends.

SHANNON
Oh dear. Where to begin? Shannon was my best friend. Only a year older, she went before me and I followed her like a little sister. I'm the oldest in my family and a big sibling was something I never got to experience. Shannon gave me that. She started high school and band first and told me how cool it was. We went to my first concert together. (Audio Adrenaline and DC Talk. 90's kids, REPRESENT.) I still remember her advice to all of the other girls going on "Date Night" at church camp. "You're going to be sitting next to this boy during dinner and service. CLEAN YOUR EARS." I'm thrilled to know that she'll get to pass down this essential knowledge to her little girl.  I love hearing about her homeschooling adventures with her boy and girl. I feel so blessed that she is back in my life.

Thank you. Thank you for what you taught me, what you shared with me and for friending me again.

Stuff I Like

Here's some stuff that's totally digging my chili right now.

• Paul Mitchell's Tea Tree Hair and Scalp Treatment.

Does it make me feel like I've set my head on fire? YES. Is my scalp finally not flaking from eczema/psoriasis/whatever's been on there for decades? EVEN YESSER.

• Warehouse 13 

Season 4 just began. Kate Mulgrew, AKA Captain Janeway, is my favorite character on the show. Brent Spiner, AKA Data, is guest starring. It's a glorious geeky delight.

• Lady of America in Sachse

This is the gym I joined. I love going because it's all women. Men, you're cool and all that but I like a gym where Ricky Martin and Backstreet Boys blare while I watch The View on my stationary bike. Also? YOGA ROCKS.

• Raising Cane's Chicken

Crispy chicken fingers, crinkle fries, sweet tea and a sauce that I could bathe in. DUDE. I have got to learn how to make this sauce at home and possibly cut the calories down.

• Spelling Apps from Learning Touch

Sophie has been playing the original animal app for months. In the last month, she's started spelling words and asking for us to spell everything on Earth. We bought the deluxe version and she began playing today. (After a little agitation at the thought of trading her tried-and-true app for something new.) These work. Plain and simple. 

Puberty 2: Electric Boogaloo

After you have babies, your body does weird things. I'm not talking about the bizarre fluids and puffiness that happens right after birth. I'm talking about when you have 3 kids under 5 running around destroying your thank-the-Lord-It's-second-hand furniture.

MY HAIR IS WEIRD.
When I was in high school, I had long curly hair. BIG curly hair. I was called Roseanne Roseannadanna on more than one occasion.

After having kids, I realized that my days of thick and curly hair made worse by humidity were gone. Now I had limp, fine strands of straw that still flew straight out whenever Texas summers hit. At first I got excited! Maybe I could transform this into the straight luxurious locks that I had craved since middle school! Alas...my dreams of Loreal-worthy hair were not coming true. In fact, I was losing my hair at an alarming rate. I have a new hair regiment now and I'm hoping that it's going to work better than wringing my hands and buying Drano.

Help me, Paul Mitchell. You're my only hope.

ACNE AGAIN?!? AND WHAT ARE THESE LINES?!?
There is a picture of me waiting for the bus to go to a band trip from my freshman year. My hair is in a french braid and I'm in my flag corps warm-up suit. I'm with a friend and smiling. I also have SEVERE acne all over my face. I look at that photo and cringe. Then I look in the mirror and cringe more. Hello, acne! Haven't seen you in a while! I had to go on prescription medicine the last time it was this bad. I truly thought I was done with being embarrassed to go out because blackheads had invaded my nose like tiny irritable Visigoths in the night guarded by two whiteheads on either side. My first reaction to these facial impurities was to go and get the same thing I used in high school.

Clean and Clear and makes you sing Waterfalls by TLC.

Then I realized that I was fighting more than angry Visigoths. The high school face wash made my face look a little better but I was still getting...wrinkly. I began to look at night creams for my baggy eyelids. I never go out without some sort of sunscreen built into my makeup or moisturizer.

I know what retinol is, people.

MY BODY IS CHANGING
Remember in 5th grade when they split us up into boys and girls and made us watch The Movie? You know, the one that was horribly out of date and told us how we were not going to die every month and that hair was going to start coming in various places? Did they mention "special feelings" in the boys video? I still can't find a guy to break the code of silence surrounding that mysterious video.

After babies, my body is changing again. Carrying three monsters has left my hips wider and I don't think there are any gym machines to actually change my bone structure. I carried Gideon sideways for quite some time and he's responsible for most of that damage along with the only damage to my hoohah that I sustained in three births.

(Someone pick Mom up off of the floor.)

I've joined a gym and I'm still trying to watch what I eat. The pounds are coming off but I just look different. There's a pooch in the front that I don't think will ever go away without plastic surgery. My back hurts enough that I'm considering a visit to a good chiropractor. I can't eat a box of Pop Tarts in one sitting and lose it the next day in a marching band session. I gain weight by driving by bakeries. My cycle is wonky again like I'm a newbie. I saw a girl wearing white capris and I sighed with jealousy because I just can't do that. Luckily the special feelings are back in force and now I have a husband instead of just my imagination.

(Go pick Mom up again.)

TO SUMMARIZE
My hair, my face and my body are no longer my own. The 20's were good while they lasted. 33 is by no means old but it's looking forward that makes me want to take care of this vessel. I may never wear cutoffs and a tank top to Edgefest again but I can eat ice cream for breakfast now. Growing up isn't so bad.

Blessings in Trials

Last Friday, the two oldest kids were diagnosed with strep.

On Monday, the baby started running a fever.

On Tuesday, Sophie fell while climbing the chair and hit her head on the doorknob. After 3 hours in the ER, she came home with her eyebrow glued back together.

On Wednesday, Gideon started coughing so hard he was choking. We went to the pediatrician who said that seasonal allergies were making his asthma worse. He's now taking a low dose of steroids and 2 inhalers 4 times a day.

The house is a wreck. I have a deep chest cough that's connected to seasonal allergies and my sinus infection leaving my body. I was up with Gideon at 4 AM last night while he and I coughed.

We're still blessed.

Right now, my children are in bed. They are all napping soundly. Modern appliances are cleaning my clothes and my dishes. I have bags of chicken marinating in the fridge and freezer ready to be turned into easy meals over the next few weeks. I have the Internet to connect me to friends I rarely get to see and some that I have never met. I have a bazillion TV channels, a DVR, Netflix, library books and my Kindle to entertain me.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me beyond measure. Thank you for reminding me of these blessings even when things look dark.

Boogie Woogie Brain

I'm at a low point right now. I'm not even sure why it's happening. Yes, life is very stressful right now.

• We're still trying to enroll Sophie into different therapies. GISD is dragging their feet and they keep asking for more paperwork. I've given them enough that they will at least put her case in front of a board to see if she qualifies for the PPCD program. She probably won't start that program until the next school year. We've been wait-listed for speech therapy at the Callier Center. So now we just have to figure out a schedule, find some classes and possibly go back to Mother's Day out for the summer. The speech therapist said that Sophie would respond very well to therapy.
• Gideon is still showing autism red flags. He will turn 3 at the end of June. I've spoken to the GISD people and we're going to wait until he turns 3 and inevitably fails his pediatrician's developmental evaluation. Pair that with a vision and hearing test and we'll see if he can also qualify for the PPCD program in the fall. Again, we'll just look for some speech classes and maybe MDO in the summer. He is talking more and more. We're noticing that what originally looked like red flags are actually part of a shy personality. He's a quiet little introvert just like his Daddy. He can talk but a lot of the time he just chooses not to. He loves to sing and that makes my heart soar.
• Milly is hitting all of her milestones. She's a feisty little thing. I wept tears of joy when I saw her stacking blocks at 14 months old instead of over 2 years old like her siblings. She walks all over and runs if she's getting into something. She laughs at everything and screeches if it's really funny. She eats like a teenage boy. She toots like one, too. She hates wearing bows and dresses. She loves watching the Ranger games. She's Daddy's Little Sunshine. I would love to see her in MDO, too. She's pretty firmly entrenched in the separation anxiety phase and MDO changes that quickly.
• We're staying in the same rental house for another year. There is a lot of work that needs to happen in this house to make it habitable. The majority of the work is going to fall to me. Every room needs to be painted and trim needs to be added. 3 ceiling fans will be replaced and one will be added. Closets will be emptied and reorganized. The master walk-in closet will be turned into a very small office space. The kids will share one bedroom and have a playroom.

All of this is added to the day-to-day cooking, cleaning and general domesticated merriment of a SAHM. I'm still losing weight and inches on the Weight Watchers plan. I've boxed up a ton of my old clothes. There's not a whole lot left. It's irritating to buy new clothes right now for a few reasons and they are both ridiculous.

1. I'm outgrowing clothes quickly. I don't like spending $60 on a pair of jeans that are going to be saggy-baggy in a month. I know. BOO-HOO.
2. Everything is in pretty and bright springy colors right when I'm in a depressive funk. I want to buy all black but then I lust after yellow shirts and cherry covered purses. I know. GET OVER YOURSELF.

All of this rambling diatribe is basically to say that anxiety sucks, my life is actually going very well and I need prayers that God won't stop hitting me with a 2x4 until my eyes uncross and I see what He's given me.

Girly Things

Usually I boast about how, even though I have prominent girl-parts, I eschew the usual girly parts of life. A small list:

• makeup involving more than Bare Minerals and mascara
• angst-ridden drama TV like Grey's Anatomy
• reality TV like the Real Wives of NY or LA or Windsor or whoever is popular
• gossip magazines or websites like Perez Hilton

and the biggie...

• chick flicks

I like action, sci-fi and fantasy movies. Give me a good blow-em-up. I want to see superheros and underdogs. I want car chases or - even better - space battles.

However...I will make a confession here today. I have guilty pleasures. There are 5 main chick flicks that I honestly enjoy. Instead of hanging my head in shame, I will share them with you.

1) Just Like Heaven

Reese Witherspoon is a doctor. Mark Ruffalo is recovering from losing his wife. Reese gets in an accident and becomes a ghost haunting her apartment that Mark is now renting while he wallows in grief.

Wacky hijinks ensue.












2) Sweet Home Alabama

Reese Witherspoon (yes, again) is a Type-A clothing designer trying to make it big in the Big City. Her beautiful and incredibly well-bred boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey, proposes. She says yes but has to leave without explanation. She goes back home.

Because she's still married to the also beautiful Josh Lucas. And she's secretly from ALABAMA. She's a hick, y'all!

The hijinks. They ensue.









3) Life as We Know It

Boy (Josh Duhamel) meets Girl (Katherine Heigl) on a blind date set up by Besty McBesterfriends.

Boy: "You're too uptight and you don't like my rumpled hotness!"
Girl: "Don't make booty calls and get out of my Smart Car!"
Both: "Don't ever make us see each other again, Besty McBesterfriends!"

Cue the montage where Boy and Girl see each other all of the time because of Besty McBesterfriends. Baby is introduced and Boy and Girl both love her.

Besty McBesterfriends are lost and it is sad. Then Boy and Girl find out that they left the Baby for both of them to raise.

Here come the hijinks.


4) Moulin Rouge!

*sigh*

This one, I don't feel that guilty. The music is amazing. Ewan McGregor is tasty. Nicole Kidman can SANG. The sets, the costumes, the songs...

Even John Leguizamo can't mess this one up.

These hijinks are dramatic and sweeping.









5) Steel Magnolias

This is my favorite movie of all time. I saw it for the first time when I was in 6th grade. (Thank you, Melissa!) The cast is amazing. The writing is perfect. The story makes me laugh and cry every single time. I cannot wait to watch this with my daughters.

The best part? The quotes:

"It's got gray icing, I can't even begin to think how you make gray icing"

"I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer."

"I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural."

"This is in the freezes beautifully section of my cookbook, and I wanted to bring something that freezes beautifully"

So there you have it. I have confessed!

(links and images from Wikipedia)

Insomnia

I'm not asleep.

I'm up and obsessing.

There's just too much in my brain.

What needs to be done to make this house habitable?
What does Sophie need next?
Does the pediatrician have all of the shot records for all of the kids?
Where does Gideon need to go first to be evaluated?
Did I put my delicates in the dryer?
How in the world am I going to do all of this house stuff by myself?
Why did I eat so many Reese's Eggs?
Should I feel bad for not taking the kids to an Easter Egg hunt?
The kids hate candy and crowds so why am I beating myself up?
Seriously, where are my delicates?
How clean does my house need to be before I can call in a maid service?
How do I get rid of those ants in the front yard?
How am I supposed to get myself to the doctor with three kids in tow?
Is there an eye doctor able to see my weirdo kids?
Is it really 2 AM?
Would anyone notice if I went to go get cigarettes?
How many lists can one person make in one night?

On and on and on and on...

I hate depression.
I hate anxiety.

I hate this.

Spring Reading Thing

Ah, books. I always say that I'll read anything. Then I take a look at my Goodreads 2012 Challenge. 

Wow. That's a lot of geeky books.

My girlfriend told me of a challenge of which she was taking part and it sounded like fun.

I was ready to just take the next few books from my Goodreads list and put them up here when I paused and thought.

Why not really challenge myself?

So I looked through my To Read list and found books that I believe will further my walk with the Lord. I want to know Him better. I want to learn more about how to walk with Him. That's the reason they're on this list.

So here is my list:

Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God
Francis Chan

Going All the Way: Planning for a Marriage That Goes the Distance
Craig Groeschel

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life
Joanna Weaver

Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands
Gary L. Thomas

The challenge begins on March 20th and ends on June 20th. This is my challenge. In June we'll see how I did!

The Little Things

Yesterday was tough.

There was bad news from friends and family swirling through my head.

Sophie had 2 poop "accidents" even though she knows what to do. I couldn't correct her because the meltdown was too close to the surface.

Milly was still cranky and feverish from the shots she got the day before.

Gideon was just wild and wanted attention that I couldn't give.

The laundry was threatening to eat us alive.

The kitchen was almost bare.

When Ben got home, I was breathing hard so that I wouldn't cry or scream in front of the kids. He took over and I ran to the car. I cranked up the music and screamed as I drove to the library. Feeling a little better, I plugged my ears with my music and got new books. Then I filled up the car with gas and went to Target. I plugged my ears again and went to get some basics. After picking up some Pull-ups for Sophie (at least we don't need very many!) I took a path back to the grocery section through the shoes.

They were there.

2 pairs left.  On clearance. Fifty percent off.

One pair was my size. They came home with me because they made me smile.

Some days just call for pink sequined Converse shoes.

The Homer to my Marge

"Don't make me laugh!  We're supposed to be gazing lovingly at each other!"

First memory is the Koresh countdown you kept on your binder in 8th grade Algebra.

First kiss on the volleyball court at my church in 8th grade while the Beach Boys played in the background.

Found each other on MySpace in 2006.  Both just assumed we would marry.  It was logical.

Married on May 25, 2007; 10 years after we graduated high school, 30 years after the original Star Wars came out in theaters, and on Towel Day.

Stared at each other and 2 lines on a stick in disbelief on June 25, 2007.

January 17, 2008 brought Sophie.
June 26, 2009 brought Gideon.
January 19, 2011 brought Milly.

1 apartment and 2 houses.  2 moves while I was pregnant and both during Thanksgiving / Christmas holidays.

Bills, surgeries, job losses, new cars, car trips, diapers, taxes, grey hairs and cellulite.

You're still that boy in the backwards San Antonio Spurs hat that makes me laugh right before you kiss me.

Happy Valentines Day, beloved.

"I shimmy with joy!"

Monday Brain Dump

I am one tired Mama.

I'm watching the monsters run around and act out the Minnie Red Riding Hood episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and thanking God for On Demand.  Where was that when I was little and wanted to watch my favorite episode of Sesame Street?

Ugh.  Kids these days.  Back in my day we had to use our imaginations to make a forest into an Ewok village and suffer through the Shemp episodes.  We learned to watch and like the commercials.

I think I'm going to need to go get my nose ring and my pink / red hair streaks just to balance out that comment.

I'm still in the mood for good action movies.  Good blow-em up stuff. Any suggestions?  Funny action is even more appreciated.  Like Red.  That movie was awe-to-the-some.

I got a day out with my bestie this Saturday and had a blast.  I came home with a bag of clothes in a size smaller than what I usually wear and chocolate bath stuff.  We also had fun making each other laugh until we cried and getting a little too loud in public.  I'm pretty sure at least 4 people thought we were drunk.

I sound like Amy Farrah Fowler when I call her my bestie.  I'm pretty sure this means I need a tiara.

Sophie RAN to the potty this morning and went potty for her Sunday School teachers yesterday.  It's sinking in!  Now if she'll just stop pooping in her pants.  That would be nice.

Milly has a cold, teeth coming in and had a really poopy diaper this morning.  Poor miserable baby.  She needed extra cuddling.

Gideon is finally over his cough.  The asthma makes me nervous every time he gets a cold.  I feel like I can breathe a little easier, too.

Lifechurch.tv is starting a series on Samson.  I'm very intrigued.

Lake Pointe just started a series on Fixing Your Marriage.  The first message was yesterday and hasn't been posted yet.  When it is then you should watch it.  It was REALLY good.

All done.  Time for laundry.

Music Therapy

One of my girlfriends wrote a post about how music affects her. I love how she describes how the music envelops her and is able to soothe her fears. Music brings her back to the past and she is now adding new memories to color those same songs. She ends with a list of her favorites. I thought it would be fun to give myself the same challenge. Music affects me the same way. When my babies are upset, my first response is to sing to them. When I'm happy, I crank up the music in the car to dangerous levels. (And hopefully remember to crank the volume down before my husband drives the car again.)  I tweaked her categories for me.

1. My All Time Fave - Carry on My Wayward Son Kansas
2. Fave Religious - Before the Throne of God Above Selah
3. Fave Classical - Brahms Requiem (ORIGINAL GERMAN, PLEASE.)
4. Fave Love Song - Love Petra
5. Fave Christmas Song - One Small Child   
6. Fave Weird Al Yankovic - Trigger Happy
7. Sophie's Lullaby - Slumber, My Darling Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss
8. Gideon's Lullaby - La, la, Lu from Lady and the Tramp
9. Milly's Lullaby - Goodnight, My Angel Celtic Woman
10. Fave Soundtrack - Blues Brothers
11. Fave Score (YES, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!) -Braveheart
12. Fave Workout - Black Betty Ram Jam
13. Fave Feel Like a Bada$$ - Supermassive Black Hole Muse
14. Fave Musical - Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
15. Will Always and Forever Make Me Smile - Nightswimming R.E.M. 
16. When I Need to Get Angry - Faint Linkin Park
17. When I Need To Cry - Winter Tori Amos
18. When I Need to Dance - She Bangs Ricky Martin (shut up.)
19. To Cover with My All Girl Punk Band - Breed Nirvana
20. Our Song - Look Around Blues Traveler

Princess Bride

My insano-beautiful sister. This is why I always feel I should be introduced as the Sister with the Good Personality.

It's Not a Diet...

...It's a lifestyle change.

I have heard this said about Weight Watchers for years.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have always struggled with my weight.  At my heaviest, I was over 300 pounds.  That was about 7 years ago.  I weigh close to 280 whenever I'm pregnant.  My "normal" weight is close to 275.  After I had Milly, I became very active by running after 3 little ones.  In November of last year, I noticed that the scale had started to move down.

I've tried diets before.  I just never stuck to them.  I dabbled with Atkins, I drank Hydroxycut and I even bought outdated Weight Watchers books and tried to do it myself.  I just never wanted to ask anyone for help.  I went to a gym for a season and then stopped when it became inconvenient.  Whenever I moved to a new apartment with a gym room then I would tell myself to utilize it.  I would go once or twice and then make excuses.

It wasn't until Milly and seeing 260 on the scale that I really wanted to do something about this.

My best friend has been doing Weight Watchers and told me about a January special.  I could do everything online.  The Points system has changed so I can eat most veggies and fruits to my heart's content for no points.  There are phone apps to help track everything.  Another girlfriend had a Facebook group where we could encourage each other and exchange tips and recipes.

So I held my breath and joined.

Today begins week 3.  I stood on my scale and forced myself to look down.  I began this journey at 259.  Today I weighed 249.  It's the first time I've weighed under 250 pounds in over 10 years.  I nearly collapsed and cried.

I'm not going to lie; this is TOUGH.  I'm having to stop and think every time I reach for food.  My shopping list looks very different.  I've given up my 9 - 10 daily Dr Peppers / Pibbs for one Dr Pepper 10 a day.  I drink at least 2 bottles of water a day.  I'm researching new recipes and learning how to cook differently.

I'm also having to come to terms with the fact that I "eat my feelings".  Doesn't that sound hippie-ish and psychodramatic?  Basically, when I get upset, I reach for the chips.  Now I can't do that.  Since I've also quit smoking years ago then I actually have to do something healthy and DEAL with my problems!

It is WAY easier to eat 2 rows of Oreos.

This is all to say that it truly is a lifestyle change.  It's making me look at all aspects of my life.  I'm better hydrated and that's helped my chronic migraines.  I'm trying out pilates and yoga which should eventually be a stress reliever.  I'm taking a vitamin every day and I'm making sure that my kids take their vitamins.  Drinking fewer sodas and buying more fresh produce has drastically lowered my grocery bill.  When I get stressed, I listen to music and read my Bible for direction.  I have a whole new group of girls to laugh with when we despair over the Dunkin' Donuts commercials and husbands who eat Jack in the Box tacos right in front of us.  We cheer each other on when smaller pants fit and when the scale moves.  We encourage each other when things stall or slip.

It works.

Tracts of Land

WARNING:  THIS POST IS ABOUT GIRLY PARTS.  SPECIFICALLY THE ONES ON TOP.


MOM AND KATHY, PLEASE GO LOOK AT QUILTS.  GRANDMA, JUST SHUT THE COMPUTER DOWN.

So.

Did you know that about 80% of brassiere wearing women are wearing the wrong size?  Are you in the 20%?  A well-fitted bra can completely change the way your clothes look and how your back feels.

But you didn't come here to listen to me talk about sensible things.  You want to hear about the tiny menopausal Latina woman who unabashedly wrestles with my Mommies every time I go to the lingerie shop.

There is a wonderful intimate apparel shop in Dallas that has been here since 1934.  They sell robes, pajamas and swimwear but mainly deal in custom fitted over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.  My mother brought me here a few years ago after I had Sophie and everything shifted.  She recognized that I needed something a little more supportive and that I needed some expert opinions.

Now I've always been a big girl.  I don't think I ever wore a training bra.  I've always sighed wistfully at strapless dresses and matching bra and panty sets.  I once tried on a Wonderbra and nearly collapsed when all of the oxygen was cut off from my brain because my nostrils and mouth were completely covered.

I left my mother on the couch in the waiting area and went into the dressing room.  I expected the tiny woman to measure over my existing bra and then pass in some options that I would then try on and say Yea or Nay.

What happened was that tiny little woman marched over to me as I removed my shirt and just flat out grabbed me.  She began lifting and searching and pushing and squooshing and holy monkeys I really want my Mama.

"SO YOU JUS' HAD A BABY? WHADDA WE LOOKIN' AT HERE?"

Lady, I will tell you anything you want if you will just let go of my chachies and for the love of GOD close the door to the dressing room.

That woman measured me and ran off LEAVING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN STILL and I called my mommy back into the dressing room because now I was terrified.  The lady came back with a few options.  She showed me how I had been putting bras on wrong for my entire life while my mother smothered a smile and quietly closed the door.  I think she got a kick out of my dinner-plate sized eyes and how her most talkative child was finally rendered speechless.  Once she helped me into the first one ("MAKE SURE ALL OF THE GIRLS ARE IN THE CUPS!") I stood up and felt...relief.

You mean bras are supposed to be comfortable?!  What witchcraft is this?!?!

They tweaked a few more places and I left with a bag full of the first proper fitting undergarments that I have ever worn.  Granted, they cost a little more but that's because I wear sizes normally reserved for Viking women.  I go back and get wrestled and prodded but now I do it knowing I'm coming out of there more comfortable than when I went in.  It doesn't bother me as much as the first time.

I also remember to close the door.

Now will someone please go pick my mother up off of the floor so she can answer the phone when my grandmother calls and asks her why I'm talking about this on my blog?

2011 Movie Review and 2012 Previews

MOVIES

2011:

Thor
Captain America
X-Men First Class

This was a banner year for superhero movies.  I enjoyed every one of these movies but, if pressed to choose, I would take Captain America as my favorite.  That's taking into account my previous deep dislike of Chris Evans so that's saying A LOT.  That man drives me bonkers and I still enjoyed every minute of this movie.  Thor was a pretty movie; not a lot in the way of story but very nice to watch.

No, Jessica, I don't just mean Chris Hemsworth's pectoral muscles.

Although those were very nice.

X-Men did a good job introducing the mutants that I hold so near and dear to my heart.  James McAvoy is a wonderful young Charles Xavier with just the right amount of arrogance and intelligence.  Michael Fassbender is heartbreaking as Erik Lensherr.  I like movies that make me rethink how I feel about villains and this one did.  I really hope they make this into a trilogy to go with the Singer movies.


Super 8

*sigh*

Oh, Jaybrams.  Dude, I really want to like your movies.  I liked Alias...the first two seasons and some select episodes of the remaining seasons.  Star Trek made me weep with geeky tears of joy.  Lost held my attention for more time than many other TV shows.  I'm enjoying Person of Interest but we'll talk about that later.

I just couldn't get into Super 8.  Kids that know a secret!  Single dad who wants to know the truth!  The military is hiding something!  The girl is gonna kiss him!  WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!

Honey, please just let M. Night Shyamalan be M. Night Shymalan and go back to working on the Star Trek sequels.

Moneyball

At first I agreed to go see this movie because I knew my husband wanted to see it.  Math and baseball combined?  Dude, my husband is THERE.  I actually ended up liking it.  Good story, easy to follow during the technical parts and awesome actors.  I would gladly watch this movie again and I'm even considering skimming the book sometime.
 
Bridesmaids
Cowboys and Aliens
The Muppets
Sherlock Holmes
MI4
Iron Lady

These are all movies that came out in 2011 that I have not yet gotten to see but have every intention of watching.


2012:

John Carter

Dude.  Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.  This movie is going to be so cool.  The movie is based on A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs who also created Tarzan.  The story is basically about a Confederate veteran who is mysteriously taken to Mars and caught in a battle with two races of Martians.

How can that NOT sound interesting?!


The Hunger Games

I've already talked about how much I enjoyed the books and I only have one thing to say about the movies.

PLEASE, GET IT RIGHT.


Don't lighten it up.  Don't pretty up Katniss.  Don't take out too much.  Don't make Cinna overwhelming.  Don't make the Arena any less terrifying.

Just let it be.

The Avengers

Sweet mother of all that is Holy and Geekified.  "Looking forward to this movie" cannot convey all of my emotions.  Every time I watch the trailers, I get goosebumps and I squeal.  I analyze screencaps to see what might be important.  I study the backgrounds of the characters.  I'm going into this one READY.

The Dark Knight Rises

"Oh Kelly, another geek movie?"

WHAT SITE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE READING?!

Chris Nolan is finishing his Batman trilogy.  Gary Oldman, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are all amazing in these movies.  Even Christian Bale makes a good Batman and I really never believed that he could.  Anne Hathaway is the sultry Selena Kyle.  This movie is going to rock my argyle socks off.

The Hobbit

I read The Hobbit for the first time when I was in eighth grade and now I have almost the whole book memorized.  Peter Jackson is coming back after 10 years from The Fellowship of the Ring and putting his spin on this glorious tale.  I'll be there to make sure Kili and Fili are as feisty, that Balin is as loyal, that Thorin is as fierce and that The Battle of the Five Armies is as epic as I remember.

2011 Book Reviews and 2012 Previews

2011:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan

Let's take these two series together.  I loved these books.  In fact, when reading the first series the third time, I realized that I liked them better than the Harry Potter books.  That's saying quite a bit.  If you are a fan of Greek and Roman mythology and like YA fiction then I have no idea why you aren't at the library, bookstore or on an e-book site right this second.  You must have these books in your life.  You must know the story of Percy, Annabeth and loveable Tyson.

The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan

After falling so in love with the Percy Jackson series, I found and read the first two books in the Kane Chronicles.  I wasn't as impressed by these books but they are still good.  These books are based on Egyptian mythology.  After reading these I truly wonder if Riordan is gearing up for a Norse mythology series.  I would totally snap that up.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

WOW.  I read the first book on my Kindle after hearing about 9 gazillion friends tell me that this is a life changing series.  I plowed through the first book and then bought and devoured the last two all within two days.  I gave myself a few days to process the books and then spent two more days reading them again.  I read this whole trilogy about 10 times during 2011 and will probably read it even more through 2012.  I will give these books to my kids when they are ready.  There is no age limit to me.  These are difficult books to read in subject matter.  I'll gauge how ready the kids are and introduce them when I believe they are ready.  I could see these becoming required reading in schools at some point if they aren't already.

The Seven Realms by Cinda Williams Chima

Before Thanksgiving, I was whining on Facebook about having nothing new to read.  A friend pointed me to this YA fantasy series and now I am in her debt.  Chima has created a world of royalty, clans and wizards.  There are traders, craftspeople and hunters in the clans.  She weaves a story of warriors fighting for their lands; some with magic and some so opposed to magic that they kill anyone with a trace of wizardry.  There is a line of queens ruling the land and the books focus on the latest heir.  I was entranced with this new world and read quickly through the three books.  I love authors that create a new world for me to explore.

The Redemption Series by Karen Kingsbury

This is a 5-book series about the Baxter family written by Christian author Karen Kingsbury.  I read these books because they were on the Kindle I was graceously given by my MIL when she upgraded.  They are very easy to read and great for people that like warm-fuzzy books where the family overcome hardships with grace, love and family togetherness.

YACK.

I read them because they were there, I was bored and I had a newborn so I couldn't turn pages.  If this is your thing, then go for it.  I will only poke a tiny bit of fun at you if I know you well enough.

2012:

Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan
The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan

The third book in the Heroes of Olympus series is being released in fall of 2012.  The third book in the Kane Chronicles trilogy will be released in the spring of 2012.

GET CRACKING RIORDAN.  ALSO BE THINKING ABOUT THAT WHOLE NORSE MYTHOLOGY THING.

Divergent by Veronica Roth
Insurgent by Veronica Roth

A teen thriller trilogy set in dystopian Chicago.  Chicago is divided into five "factions" all representing a different virtue.  When children turn 16, they must take a test and choose a faction.  The trilogy follows a young girl named Beatrice who just turned 16.  I am on this like stink on Gideon's butt.

Inheritance by Christopher Paolini


It took him what felt like 385 years but that little butthead finally finished this series.  Now I just have to read the last book and find out what happens to Eragon and Saphira.

I say butthead affectionately.  I love this series and Paolini brought dragons back to the public eye.  Dragons are awesome.

 The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure


As did nearly every other young girl in America, I read the Little House books.  I still read the Little House books and I can't wait to read them to my kiddos.  Sophie has already listened to a chapter here and there.  Wendy McClure took this to a new level and wrote a book dedicated to figuring out the truth and fiction surrounding Laura Ingalls Wilder and the Little House books.  The woman made a green pumpkin pie, for crying out loud!


There are, of course, more books that I plan to read in 2012.  I'm set up on Goodreads and have set a goal of 50 books for the year.  Honestly, I would love to blow that out of the water but you never can tell when you're the mother of three.

2011 Review

January: Sophie turns 3. Milly is born full term. NO NICU. Sophie adores her sister. Gideon thinks that I've brought home some sort of elaborate baby doll. I begin getting up at night again with a baby and fall in love with infomercials all over again. How I got through her first few months without buying Pajama Jeans and a GT Xpress Redi Set Go is totally beyond me.

February: I begin this blog! I had a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler. Everything goes hazy. The heater breaks during the coldest month in Texas and we spend a few days at my grandma's house until everything gets sorted out with my landlord. Things start to get dark as I struggle to keep my head above water. Hillsong's The Greatness of Our God becomes the song I turn to whenever I need to remember that God is always bigger than my problems. Also, Milly meets the sling for the first time and I begin to wonder if my children are part marsupial.

March: Sophie and Gideon start Mother's Day Out. I find a new psychiatrist and go back on meds. The haze begins to lift. I get time alone with my newborn. It's easier to clean the house and get to church. Sophie begins to talk more and Gideon comes out of his shell at MDO. My babies know how to play with other kids!

April: Milly begins smiling! She's so beautiful! She still has all of her hair and it gets curly after a bath. On the 18th, she rolls over from her tummy to her back for the first time. My third baby and I'm still mesmerized by how my baby learns. She sleeps through the night and doesn't spit up too much after we've switched her to a new formula. She babbles all of the time. At the end of the month, Gideon spends two days at Children's Legacy with breathing problems. I'm fed up by this point and determined to find a doctor to give me a proactive solution for my baby boy. I still remember one Sunday morning when I took the girls to church and Ben stayed home with Gideon. During the service, my song (Greatness of Our God) played and I dropped to the floor as I sobbed to God to help my baby.

May: The Plague descends upon the Dyer household. Ear infections all around for the kids, bronchitis for Mama and Ben gets a Severe Man Cold. Holy macaroni, it's a tough few weeks but we get through it and come out on the other side just in time for Ben to go on his first business trip. Three days alone with the kids! OH BOY. Beyond my wildest expectations, the kids are complete angels. They go to Mother's Day Out, eat their dinners and go to bed without fussing. I even try to invite Sophie to stay up late and hang out with Mama and then sleep in Mama's bed! Fun! Girl time! Sleepover! This is met with a firm NO and a reminder that we not deviate from routine. (Honestly, Mother.) Finally, finally, FINALLY we see a doctor who diagnoses Gideon with asthma. My baby has a daily inhaler that lets him breathe! He's a different kid within a week! I know that no mother would ever wish asthma on their children but I'm just grateful that we have an answer. Milly begins teething and it pisses her off ROYALLY. The kids "participate" in their first Easter Egg Hunt and are completely flummoxed by the concept. They are given Pity Eggs from other kids. Gideon tries to eat the plastic eggs. When they are found to be inedible he turns them into grenades. Ben and I celebrate our 4th anniversary. We kiss a lot. Ben's parents come to Dallas for a few days and proclaim Milly acceptable.

June: I turn...26. Let's say 26. We have family pictures taken by the fabulous Jenn Weis. They are amazing and I commit to getting family pictures done once a year. Milly begins to scoot and army crawl. I move everything up a shelf. I try to potty train Sophie and she pees on Milly's head. Sophie is not ready for potty training. We begin to think that something more than a speech delay is wrong with Sophie. Gideon turns two and my heart breaks a little. Milly is introduced to solid food in the form of cereal and yogurt. She gobbles it down, grabs for the spoon and screeches at me when I go too slow. I begin making my own baby food again.

July: Milly rolls over from her back to her tummy. Now she looks like she's on a hot dog cooker. She can army crawl or roll to where she wants to go. Three mobile kids are making me want that third eye in the back of my head that every mother claims. Sophie discovers that forts are really cool and I begin saving giant boxes. She also goes to her first pool party and we discover that she is a water baby! Why can't that translate to the bath when I have to wash her hair?! My best friend had her first and long-awaited baby boy. I was there at the hospital in the middle of the night to wait and greet him. It's the first time I've been on that side of the situation and it was interesting to experience. Sophie said "I love you" for the first time. Ben and I freak out and beg her to repeat it as often as possible.

August: Milly has cut two teeth and can sit up on her own. She is a really easy baby until her teeth make her mad and she Hulks out. Then we run for the Baby Orajel before the house shifts to the left again. To bookend Texas weather, the A/C decides to break during the hottest summer we've had in decades. We spend days at my mother's house while we struggle with the repairs and landlord again. Sophie is going through a Naked Phase and I say a silent prayer every single time we leave the house that everything stays on her body until we get home. Once we get home, I don't care as long as her non-potty-trained butt is diapered. Her only obsession is with socks. I regularly have a naked, diapered 3 year old roaming my house with a Cookie Monster sock on one foot and an Elmo sock on the other foot. Sometimes she's wearing her black patent Mary Janes. I begin watching the 2005 reboot of Doctor Who and become a certified Whovian. David Tennant is my Doctor. At the end of the month, Milly begins pulling up and I start pulling out my hair. Gideon is my quiet little man with a maniacal oral fixation. He chews almost through the PS3 cord and every single wood item we own has bite marks around his height. His crib looks like we raise beavers. I join and become completely obsessed with Pinterest.

September: Sophie is speaking more and doing well at MDO. However, she still needs more help. We are researching Pediatric Developmental Doctors and try to get her enrolled into GISD for speech classes. This develops into a HUGE ordeal with more paperwork than I ever imagined could exist. Ben turns 32. I actually get crafty and MAKE something for his birthday. Pinterest Addiction has actually paid off! Milly pulls up and begins cruising around the furniture. Holy Moly, three mobile kids are a lot of work!

October:Milly can sit in a high chair and feed herself! Kinda. Sorta. OK, we find a lot of stuff in her lap but some delicious morsels make it into her mouth and she's very proud! We make the difficult decision to take the kids out of MDO. The time and money is just not there. I'm medicated and ready to entertain the kiddos at home. If and when we get a second car then we will revisit the idea of MDO for Gideon and possibly Milly. Sophie will hopefully begin some sort of school to help her with her speech and developmental delays. Baseball season begins and Ben discovers that Milly is the Rangers' lucky charm. Milly has a lot of late bedtimes waiting for "one more inning". Sophie has found a new love in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and adores Daisy. We take the kids to the Disney Store for the first time. Sophie leaves with a large Daisy doll and does not put her down for about a week and a half. Gideon leaves with Pluto and even Milly grabbed a small Jessie doll. It's fun to see the kids eyes get wide as they see their favorite characters in a store where they can hold them and take them home. Milly begins babbling with a purpose and her first word is Mama. I am now two for one. (Sophie is the only one who said Dada first.) We take the kids to the Mesquite Lake Pointe Fall Festival. Everything goes surprisingly well!

November: We're gearing up for a trip to Arizona at Thanksgiving so the majority of the month is making lists and checking them twice. Gideon gets his first haircut and the building is still standing. I only cried a little. We have a get-together with my mother's side of the family and I'm reminded again how blessed I am and how nuts my family can be. Milly finally says Dada but NEVER around her DADA! Ben and I pay off the Volvo S80 we bought the first year we were married. It may not work but it's ours and we're grateful. We spend the 19th and the 20th traveling to Arizona with three kids. How we didn't end up tossing them at Nana and Grampie and then checking into the nearest Mental Institution is still beyond me. The kids are overjoyed to see their grandparents and great-grandparents and the weather is wonderful. On Thanksgiving Day, Ben is felled with a stomach virus. The grandparents take the kids while I stay at the hotel to care for Ben. Great-Grammie is also sick. When they bring the kids back that night, we find out that Gideon barfed all over his Grampie. He barfs again when he gets back to the hotel. Milly saves the day by saying Dada to her Daddy for the first time while in his lap. The next day, I'm sick and my MIL is sick. The grandparents take the kids while Ben takes me back to the hotel. The day we leave, Grampie and Great-Grampie are sick. Gideon barfs AGAIN in the hotel on the way home. Only Sophie and Milly manage to dodge the bug. Dyer Thanksgiving 2011 goes down in history.

December: Gideon is still having some freaky stomach problems. I take him off of dairy products to see if he is lactose-intolerant and it gets worse. Diaper changes become terrifying to my baby boy. Milly begins standing all by herself. She also becomes a dedicated thumb sucker. Sometimes, when the teething gets bad, then she'll take a pacifier. She has little bite marks all over her right thumb that make me cringe every time. We finish the last can of formula and switch her over to regular milk without a fuss. No diaper problems, no YUCK WHAT IS THIS, no drama. She prefers her milk warmed and really likes warm chocolate milk. On December 17th, Milly takes her first steps. She's only taken a few steps since then. We think it's because it's too unstable and slow. She's a speed crawler and has no time for walking. There's older siblings to chase! Christmas goes off without a hitch. I receive a new Kindle from my love with a handmade BY HIM cover! HE GOT CRAFTY. The kids got new toys including a Little People Ark and Sesame Street figurines. It's funny to watch them put Super Grover at the front of the Ark and think "Wow. That ark is DOOMED." The indoctrination also continued in the form of Texas A&M Reveille and the Texas Rangers Captain Pillow Pets. The girls wore matching Christmas sweater dresses and were the most adorable things on Earth. Sophie was accepted by a Developmental Pediatric Practice and will see them for the first time in January. Ben and I spent the last night of 2011 with steaks and Big Bang Theory.

2011, you were full of laughter, tears, surprises, sickness, healing and love.

2012, I can't wait to see what God has in store.