Fickle

Rory has started an annoying habit. Whenever I pick her up from MDO, she begins looking and asking for Daddy.

"Dada? *glance* Daaa-DAH!"

"Nope, just Mama. Remember me?"

*shoves my face out of the way*

"Dada! Dada! DadadadadadadaDAH!"

"That whole 'giving birth' thing meant nothing to you, didn't it?"

She continues this sing-song Dada thing for the 2 hours it takes to go and pick up her siblings and bring them home. Finally we get inside and I set her down in front of her favored person and tell him that she's been asking for him. He picks her up gleefully.

"Hi sweetheart!"

*blank look*

"Eh..."

*lean out of his arms*

*claw her way to the floor*

*race to me*

*climb onto my lap*

"EEGAHBAHMAHBOO!"

*rolls on me like a puppy*

We can't win.

Struggles and Smiles

Dear Rory,

You're now 7 and a half months old and things are a little tough. You've got two gigantic teeth breaking through your too gums. It makes me wince just to look at your poor little mouth!

Then there's the bazillion diapers that comes along with teething and the inevitable diaper rash that follows. Mama is trying hard to keep up with your stinky rear. I know you love prunes but we're going to have to lay off of them for a while.

There's a school of thought that says whenever you reach a new developmental stage, you have a hard time sleeping. I think that's happening. You're trying so hard to crawl lately. You get up on your hands and knees without really thinking about it. Of course, you either scoot backwards or face-plant. 

Today, you began screaming in your crib. When I went to get you, it looked like you had tried to sit up but couldn't keep yourself upright. You were folded over with your head in your lap. You struggled to sit up, screamed at me and flopped back over. Mommy didn't laugh. Promise. (Kind of.) This can't be helping your already sleep deprived state. Let's try to hold off on the acrobatics until you're fully awake, OK?

I love you to bits and pieces, Starlight. I know things are tough right now but you are such a big brave girl. You keep smiling and laughing through everything. Mama is so proud of you.

Love,

Mama

Participation

Today begins NaNoWriMo. Writing every day in November? Let's give it another go.

Last night was Halloween. It was another Halloween that we didn't really celebrate. Not because we're fundamentalists ready to cry "witchcraft!" at every jack-o-lantern, but because it just didn't work for us this year.

We eat at 5:00. The kids play and then go to bed at 6:00. This is the routine.

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ROUTINE.

I made costumes for Sophie and Gideon this year. They don't really tolerate anything complicated so I just put together simple outfits of Jake and Izzy from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. (Their new obsession.) I bought a Princess Leia dress for Milly and a monkey costume for Rory.

We took them to a Fall Festival at the beginning of the month. It was hosted by the SOAR program at Lake Pointe Church. Sophie and Gideon go to the SOAR class on Sundays. It's one of the only churches we know of with a special needs program and we're grateful for it. They ate hot dogs and bounced around for an hour. They had a good time. It was too hot for Rory's money costume so she just wore a Halloween onesie.

Last night, we considered going Trick-or-Treating at Firewheel Mall but it was going to start too late for us. Gideon and Rory went grocery shopping with me and were exhausted. Milly didn't nap that day. So, no trick-or-treating this year.

I get frustrated sometimes when we have to miss something again. I want my kids to have these experiences. I want them to look back at pictures of Halloween costumes and Crazy Hair Day at school. I have to remember that it's about them and not about me. If they don't feel comfortable with dressing up or breaking routine then I have to respect that. They don't even understand the concept of Halloween yet and that's OK. We'll go when they understand it more.

I'll just stock up on clearanced candy for now.

Wonder Baby

Kiddo,

You are a chubby ball of amazing.

You're 4 months old now. (Well, you will be on the 28th.) I'm not sure how much you weigh but it's over 13 pounds.

You grab at toys and shove them in your mouth. Is this a preview to teething? I don't feel any bumps.

You babble and chat all day long. You started calling for "ma-ma" whenever you want to be picked up. That's MUCH earlier than we expected!

You like to lay and kick while cooing at the ceiling fan. We try to do this every time the older kids are down for quiet time so that no one tramples you.

I cannot imagine life without your smiles and conversations. I love feeling your chubby little body in my arms as you snuggle to sleep with your star blanket and your paci.

Mama loves you, RoBo.

Rory's Story

When last I left this blog, we were waiting. We didn't have to wait for long.

Aurora Hoshi Dyer - March 28, 2013

The day after I wrote my last post, I went to my doctor for a somewhat routine checkup. While she looked at the sonogram we talked about what had happened over the last few weeks. We talked about my blood pressure and heart rate spikes. We talked about the swelling in my hands and feet. Then we looked at Rory and my doctor got a funny look on her face.

"Let me measure this fluid level again."

Rory was surrounded by more fluid than should be there. This is another symptom of pre-eclampsia though I was still testing negative. My blood pressure was high again. Everything was just borderline or right over the line so as not to be an emergency but still concern us all. I was 37 weeks. Typically doctors don't like to induce without an emergency until 38-39 weeks. Ben was back there with us and the three of us talked about our options. Doctor Monti finally said that she wanted someone else to look at me. She was sending us right over to a high-risk doctor who would get a closer look at Rory and possibly back her up in the choice to induce.

At that doctor's office, we watched as the high-risk doctor looked all over Rory. She was measuring almost 9 pounds. She confirmed that there was a lot of fluid. She agreed that Rory needed to get here sooner rather than later. She also agreed that it wasn't safe for my water to break on it's own.

I went home confident that my doctors were taking great care of me and my baby but nervous. This was a problem we had never seen coming. I have scrawny little babies that demand to be released early. Rory was content to settle in and grow larger with every day. My body was just giving out and couldn't hold her much longer.

No one could pinpoint why there was so much fluid. The high-risk doctor said that some heart problems will be the cause so we went on Wednesday back to the office for a fetal echo. Her heart looked beautiful. There was still no answer to what was happening. All we knew is that a large amount of fluid made it dangerous for my heart and upped the possibility of stillbirth or cord compression. We scheduled the inducement for Thursday the 28th.

Here's the thing; all of my other labors started in the middle of the night. My water broke with Sophie at 12:15 AM. I began contractions with Gideon at 2 AM. Milly's water broke at 12:30 AM. This was the very first labor where I was able to eat a good dinner, go to bed early, sleep as soundly as possible and then eat a good breakfast.We were able to give the other kids to Grandma the day before so she didn't have to make a mad dash an hour away in the dead of night. We were able to plan! It was divine! We got the hospital and I was hooked up to Pitocin. I was already dilated to a 5. I was nice and hydrated. There was no possible way this wouldn't go quickly!

Yeah.

After hours of painful but barely productive contractions, my doctor came in to break my water. I had two nurses that day. One was a veteran and one had just graduated and was training. They were amazing. The three ladies surrounded me and my doctor said that she was just going to prick a tiny hole in my bag of waters and let it slowly trickle. Just to be safe.

3 seconds afterward, all three leaped away and for the stack of towels as the bed and floor were basically flooded. The look on my doctor's face was priceless.

OK! So I'm relaxed from the epidural, the Pitocin is still going and now my water is gone so she can start moving down and I'll dilate quickly and we'll get her here in no time!

Yeah.

Every thirty minutes, Doctor Monti would come in and stare at Rory's heartbeat on the monitor. Then she would check me again. Then stare again at the monitor and mutter. Rory wasn't going anywhere. Her heartbeat began to slow down with each contraction. I watched as my doctor got more and more worried. Finally I spoke up;

"I think you're going to have to go get her."

Let's back up to the Sunday before. We had been watching the Bible miniseries along with everyone else in the Bible Belt. We had just seen the episode with Jesus in Gethsemane. I watched as Jesus became aware that it was time for him to die. He went into the garden, begging his friends to just be near him, and he prayed that God would let him out of this. Did it really have to happen this way? It was too much. He sobbed and pleaded that he wouldn't have to do this thing. Then he wiped away his tears and said three times that he would do this if it was God's will.

I am not comparing myself to Jesus. This was just a baby. However, I've always been of the mindset that there was no way that God would put me through a c-section. It just wouldn't happen so there was no reason to even concern myself with the thought. Then I realized that God had his hand on my heart. He was telling me that He may ask me to do things that I never thought possible. He might ask me to do things that I hate or that would hurt. I had to be open to this possibility and follow Him no matter where He might lead. He would be there. I sat in the bath and cried. I read through the Gospels as Jesus begged the same way I was begging. Then I dried my tears and gave up. I put myself in God's hands and asked that He would carry me through whatever happened.

Sure enough, Dr Monti came in around 6:00 PM and said that they were going to go get her. I felt only relief. There was no fear. It was almost over. Rory was going to be safe. We would all be OK. He had promised.

There was a flurry of preparation as Ben was whisked away to get scrubs and my epidural was cranked up to 11. They wheeled me into the operating room and I waited and watched as everyone moved around with purpose. Ben came in and sat down by my head. They already had the drape up, thankfully. Poor guy was really nervous and he doesn't do well with medical stuff. Especially bloody medical stuff. We talked and waited as everyone got to work.

At 7:11 PM, we heard a little cry.

8 pounds 5 ounces of furious cute.

The little cry soon turned into screeches of anger so I knew it was our girl! I sent Ben over to monitor her progress and coo over her cheeks. Meanwhile, Dr Monti made sure that this was the last time I would use her OB services. That's right folks, we are officially a family of 6. All done. No more.

This time, though, we feel complete.

We're the Dyer family.

Ben, Kelly, Sophia, Gideon, Millicent and Aurora.

Waiting

Last week got a little interesting. By interesting, I'm using Wash's definition.

Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting"

Mal: "Define 'interesting'."

Wash: [deadpan] "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?"

On Thursday, my nurse came out to give me my progesterone shot. It's the last one. Hooray! She got out the doppler and began searching for Rory's heartbeat. She couldn't find anything. I kept twisting and turning to see if we could get her to turn or move but I wasn't feeling anything. Finally, we found her and got her to kick. Her heartbeat started at a normal 145 BPM but then dropped down to 90. Alarmed, my nurse called my doctor and said that she thought I needed to come in and be monitored. Doctor agreed and Ben and I took off.

I was supposed to go to the doctor that day at 1:30 so it wasn't much of a difference to go to Labor and Delivery Triage instead. They hooked me up to the monitors and began some tests. My heart rate was too fast. Rory's heart rate was too fast. Blood was taken to check for diabetes or preeclampsia. I laid on the bed and tried hard not to let my mind run away. I wasn't having many contractions and they were still mild. Finally, everything came back normal. My heart rate had come down and so did Rory's. They did a quick sonogram and Rory looked great. Her fluid level was right on the borderline of normal/high but it wasn't enough to warrant any intervention. I'm dilated to a 2. I was sent home with orders to take it easy but that I was off of bedrest.

The next day was officially 37 weeks. This was the day I had Milly. There were already a lot of labor warning signs and I assumed that this would go much the same way. My mother had taken the kids the night before in anticipation of Rory's possible arrival. Ben took me to breakfast and we did a little shopping. I came home to rest and then went out with Mom and Milly. We shopped around and I realized that contractions were getting stronger and closer together. It's working! We're almost done! Look at the cute Easter headbands that make your daughters look like giant flowers!

Grandma left before the kiddos came home on the bus from school. We played a bit and made dinner. Suddenly those kind of contractions became double-over-and-nearly-scream contractions. They were 2 minutes apart and lasting for over a minute. I could barely breathe between them. We called my parents and they came back over. We loaded up and took off for the hospital assuming that we would be a family of 6 in no time.

We make it into Labor and Delivery and start getting hooked up. The doctor checks me and I'm dilated to a 3. That's it?!? After all of this? I feel like I'm being torn in half! They check me and realize that I'm pretty dehydrated. Rory still sounds fine but she's not turned down correctly. She's hitting my pelvic bone. My bag of waters is right there but Rory's not hitting it enough to break it. They hook me up to a saline IV and unhook the other monitors. They tell me that I'll go home after getting hydrated. So...we're not having a baby? I "get" to go labor at home? Well...alright. I get three bags of saline and the contractions all but disappear. The dehydration was making them seem 10 times worse than what they were. So we go home around midnight and try to sleep.

Ben takes me the next day to breakfast and then to get a pedicure. He goes and buys a birthing ball. The man is a flipping saint. We load up the car and go pick up the kids from the grandparents. Here we find out how hard Gideon is taking things. The night before he had started fussing when my Dad got there. Papa cuddled him and Gideon fell asleep on his shoulder. When Grandma and my sister came over, they got everyone loaded up to take them to dinner. Gideon began crying when he woke up and didn't stop. They passed him around at the restaurant trying to soothe him. My mother finally held him and covered him up with a jacket to block everything out. He fell asleep again. He cried when they left and passed out that night. We came to get him on Saturday afternoon. He was clingy and needed so much extra reassurance. For the last week his life has been upside down. Mama and Daddy keep disappearing for some reason. Sometimes Daddy picks him up from day care and sometimes it's Grandma. One night he'll sleep at home and the next he'll sleep at Grandma's. He just doesn't understand what's going on and it's making him upset.

We spent Saturday night out on a date. The kids went to a Parent's Night Out that we had registered for a week ago. Ben and I went to dinner and then came home to rest. I took a hot bath and stayed off my feet. We called his parents and filled them in on everything that's happened. Ben went and picked up the kids and we put them to bed. Then we tried to go to sleep. From 11:30 to 4 AM I could not sleep. My heart kept racing, I was having bad contractions and I could not lay down without intense pain. I sat up at 2 AM and drank 32 ounces of apple juice to see if hydrating would make the contractions stop. They stopped but I was still in a lot of pain. At 4, I woke Ben up crying. I just needed sleep and I couldn't sleep. He convinced me to take some sleeping pills and to not worry about the kids in the morning. I could sleep as long as I needed. I took the pills and finally drifted off. I got on-and-off sleep until noon on Sunday. I got to cuddle my oldest for an hour. I played with Milly and watched as Gideon stayed in a quiet room with his iPad for hours. My babies were OK. I cooked dinner that night. Sunday was a great day.

In the midst of all of this, we've been trying to buy a house. I'm not even kidding. We found one house that we really like and we're submitting a bid. We would move in May. It's exciting but it's adding a layer of HOLY MOLY to our lives.

Today is quiet. Milly is twirling while she watches Mickey. The kids are at daycare. I feel fine and haven't seen much labor signs so I think she's staying put. I'll see my doctor tomorrow.

Now we just wait.

Bed Rest Conversations

Me: *contractions are hurting so I lie down on my right side*

Rory: "Don't like this side. Roll over."

Me: *sigh and turn to lay on my left*

Rory: "Don't like this side. Turn over."

Me: "Kid, I have no more available sides."

Rory: "Don't like that kidney."

Me: "Leave the kidney alone. It's not hurting you."

Rory: "It's touching me."

Me: "Deal."

Rory: "Don't like this side."

Me: "It's going to be a long 7 weeks."