Diznee:There's Profit to be Had!

Dear Sophie and Gideon,

Like nearly every other child in the universe, you've become obsessed with Frozen. I can usually handle this. We've got the movie and the dolls. Sophie is dressing up as Elsa for Halloween and Gideon is going to be Olaf.

Yes, Gideon-bear, I know. You want to be Elsa, too. But four Elsa's are just a few too many. Someone has to be Olaf just like someone has to be Anna. (That's Milly.) Suck it up, dude. Sophie called dibs on the Queen first. At least you're not Sven like Rory!

Every day we listen to the soundtrack and you recite the dialogue. You both love knocking on closed doors and asking "Do you want to build a snowman?"

Please stop doing that when Mommy is going potty.

The latest thing is getting dangerous. I have no problem with you acting out some of the scenes. But lately I've seen Gideon leaping off of higher and higher structures - chairs, couches, THE STAIRCASE - while Sophie yells "Anna, wait!"

Guys...Mommy can't take you to the magic love trolls. Mommy can only take you to the ER and they are WAY less understanding. They don't "remove the magic but leave the fun". They just remove you from Mommy's care.

So let's just keep it to some nice safe viewings of the movie for the 475,836th time in forever and watch Daddy's eye twitch get stronger.

Love,

Mama

Happy Birthday, Gideon

Dear Gideon,

We've been talking about Thursday for the past few days. Do you remember? What is Thursday? What is June 26th?

Usually I just get a lot of echos and some bouncing. I don't mind. I love your cheerful enthusiasm.

You go between "maniacal ball of fiery energy" to "completely engrossed in a piece of technology" in about 4 nanoseconds. You are ridiculously good at figuring out anything you want or need on an Apple product. A few months ago, you somehow switched the wifi on to the old iPhone that holds your games and you downloaded your Pooh Bear and Donald videos from your dad's cloud. Dude, I had to ask Daddy to explain it three times before I could do that on my iPad.

Donald is your favorite. You watch old Donald and Chip & Dale videos all of the time and laugh until you can't hold still. You've started listening to non-kid music and you like interesting music videos. Pentatonix, Pharrell, and OK Go are at the top of your list. We love watching how you are overcome with joy and must DANCE. And boy, do you dance! Your little flailing arms and legs send your Grandma and your Aunt Sarah into the roof with delight.

You just finished your second year of half-day PPCD. In August, you'll go to school for a full day. You'll start mainstreaming slowly. You'll eat school lunches and go to PE. I am so proud of you, little man. You're going to be amazing. It's going to be new and very different. There are going to be parts that you don't like. I'm asking you to be brave, Gideon. Be brave and step out a little more. I'll be waiting when you come home. You can always rest with me and your daddy. I promise.

I've felt sometimes that I miss a lot of you. You still carefully guard yourself in your own little world. There are days where you barely speak aloud. You are very uncomfortable with eye contact. But you are my Gideon. I know that you like yellow cheese sticks, throwing a ball, peanut M&M's more than regular, having your feet rubbed, and giraffes. You gently interact with your baby sister, trade iPhone games with your middle sister and gleefully wrestle with your older sister. I'm so grateful that you are our Gideon. This family is so much richer with you in the middle.

Happy 5th birthday. Mama adores her sweet Prince.

Love,

Mama

Participation

Today begins NaNoWriMo. Writing every day in November? Let's give it another go.

Last night was Halloween. It was another Halloween that we didn't really celebrate. Not because we're fundamentalists ready to cry "witchcraft!" at every jack-o-lantern, but because it just didn't work for us this year.

We eat at 5:00. The kids play and then go to bed at 6:00. This is the routine.

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ROUTINE.

I made costumes for Sophie and Gideon this year. They don't really tolerate anything complicated so I just put together simple outfits of Jake and Izzy from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. (Their new obsession.) I bought a Princess Leia dress for Milly and a monkey costume for Rory.

We took them to a Fall Festival at the beginning of the month. It was hosted by the SOAR program at Lake Pointe Church. Sophie and Gideon go to the SOAR class on Sundays. It's one of the only churches we know of with a special needs program and we're grateful for it. They ate hot dogs and bounced around for an hour. They had a good time. It was too hot for Rory's money costume so she just wore a Halloween onesie.

Last night, we considered going Trick-or-Treating at Firewheel Mall but it was going to start too late for us. Gideon and Rory went grocery shopping with me and were exhausted. Milly didn't nap that day. So, no trick-or-treating this year.

I get frustrated sometimes when we have to miss something again. I want my kids to have these experiences. I want them to look back at pictures of Halloween costumes and Crazy Hair Day at school. I have to remember that it's about them and not about me. If they don't feel comfortable with dressing up or breaking routine then I have to respect that. They don't even understand the concept of Halloween yet and that's OK. We'll go when they understand it more.

I'll just stock up on clearanced candy for now.

Judgement Lapse

We had Gideon's birthday party on Saturday. My Little Prince is four now. It's both devastating and wonderful.

He was a trooper through all of the attention. My grandparents, my mother, my brother and sister-in-law and their three kiddos were all there to celebrate this blessed little boy. We ate pizza and cake and he opened his presents. We planned on going swimming that afternoon.

I left with Sophie first because I don't have a card to get into the pool and I hoped that a Good Samaritan would let us in and then I would tell Ben to go get the rest of the crew. My grandparents had gone home because of the heat. We got in and Ben went back for the rest. Sophie and I started swimming around.

About 15 minutes later, I saw my mother and Ben come in the gate. Ben was carrying Rory in her carseat and Mom had an armful if stuff. Patrick and Roxanne followed with Patrick leading his two boys and Roxanne carrying their little girl.

Notice anything missing?

Ben came to the side of the pool and our Rory down. I asked him where Milly was. He looked shocked. I thought he was kidding and looked closer at Mom.

Nope. Not kidding.

Ben sprinted back to my Mom and I saw him frantically talk to her. I stuck my head up and yelled "I HAVE FOUR NOW!!!" Ben ran to the car and sped down the street to retrieve our peacefully napping daughter who was none the wiser.

Before you think I'm picking on my husband, let me remind you that FOUR ADULTS left that house and turned this into a sitcom.

Mandatory head counts have been mandated before we go anywhere. No child left behind, indeed.

My girlfriend made this today and sent it to Ben. It's going to make a great story for her wedding.

What's My Line?

Gideon has moved into script-talking. There is a little spontaneous speech but the majority of what he says is a litany of preset scripts gleaned from normal situations or TV.

When Gideon asks for something he wants, he will say "Pweash?" and sign. A normal response is "Yes, you may!" followed by the item of desire handed to him. (iPad, cup of drink, food, toy, etc.)

Lately, he's been purposely dense if the response is anything other than a hearty agreement and handing over of the item.

Example:

[Gideon hands me an empty sippy cup.]

G: "Miyuk? Pweash?"
(Milk? Please?)

Me: "Not right now, buddy."

[Gideon furrows his brow. Leans in to me.]

G: "Yesh, you may!!"

The implication behind this:

"Mom, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. You just forgot your line. It happens! Lets try that again."

Nice try, Dude.

Desperately Seeking my Son

The two older kids started morning day care about a week and a half ago. Since I'm supposed to be staying off of my feet it was getting harder to entertain them in the mornings before school. Those few hours have been a lifesaver. It's a great place. There are lots of kids to play with and the teachers are wonderful. It's very structured which is very important for spectrum kids. My kids need to be given a task and a time to stop. They need those boundaries. "Free play" is too abstract a concept for them.

Each day I look online at the webcams that are set up in their classrooms. Sophie runs around with the little girls. They giggle and wiggle as they go to the bathroom in groups. (Already?!?) She chases after boys on the playground. (ALREADY?!?) She sits quietly when they do table work or go to Circle Time. She's doing beautifully.

Then I pull up Gideon's classroom. The first few days, he cried when Ben dropped him off. I would see him holding the hand of his teacher and following her everywhere. He would sit in another teacher's lap or right beside her during Circle Time. After a few days, the tears stopped but he would still attach himself to a teacher for a while. Slowly he's been inching away. However, the inching away has been to just go play by himself with no interest in what the others are doing. Today I watched as 29 kids sat in a circle and a teacher handed out some paper. They all waited as patiently as 3-year old kids could but all stayed seated. Then I saw my little boy over by a bookshelf with a ball. He was turned completely around from the kids and teachers. He was fully absorbed with this bouncy ball. One teacher passed out papers and the other was laying out plates for lunch time.

I don't begrudge the teachers working like this. This is not a PPCD class. There are two teachers and 30 kids. I'm not expecting a personal aide for my child. It just stung to see my little boy so isolated. He seems to walk alone in his own little world.

Gideon's PPCD teacher sent home a picture taken in class. I've never seen one so perfectly capture my Little Prince. He's incredibly handsome - those eyes! - but also seems...just lost or trapped. Not in a bad way but unavailable to me. I wish I knew how to explain.

I get glimpses of my boy. Sometimes we can reach him. He looks Ben in the eye every morning to say "Hi!" and kiss him. He tickles me the same way I tickle him and giggles while fully engaging me. When he is tired or hurt, he comes looking for me and snuggles against my shoulder.

But they are short little looks. A few minutes later, he is intensely focused on something else. (iPad, toys, reciting a script from a show.) I feel like the door is closed again and I begin waiting for it to open again. We'll just keep working on it.

Focus on the Good

Philippians 4:8 tells us to focus on that which is good and pure and right.

I will focus on getting to hold my small boy. His hair is getting shaggy and he loves it when I scratch his head. Right now, he needs his Mama to help him get to sleep. There is nothing wrong with that. It makes me slow down and hold my son. It gives us quiet time to breathe together. I can put my hand on his back and feel him breathing that sleep-rhythm. I can say one last prayer over my baby before I put him down in his own bed.

I will know this. I will love this time I have with him.

Bits and Pieces

I am just no good at this blogging everyday thing. Here's what's been going on lately.

• Gideon is addicted to cheese. He eats two or three cheese sticks a day. Last night, I introduced him to Rotel dip. It's now his new love language.
• I've been pulling clothes and doing laundry all week. I think I finally have all of the kids' clothes ready to pack. Onto the adults stuff tonight.
• I've been mainlining Law & Order lately. It ticks me off that Netflix only has the first 8 seasons of the original show. I've watched all of them and moved on to SVU.
• Milly has a new lovey. It's a blanket with tags all around the sides. She tiptoes around the house with the lovey clutched to her cheek and her thumb in her mouth. CUTEST. THING. EVER.
•  Sophie got her hair cut at the salon. We went as soon as they opened and I let her explore for 20 minutes before sitting down. She did a great job. Her new haircut suits her perfectly!

And now, the picture parade...

School Days

Sophie and Gideon just brought home their first report cards a few weeks ago. It felt surreal to be on the other end of that piece of paper. Since my kiddos don't come home and tell me about school, it was also a glimpse into what's happened so far.

Both kids have made HUGE leaps with their vocabulary.  Sophie started the year using single words and repeating simple sentences occasionally. Now she uses simple sentences on her own. Gideon began almost completely non-verbal. The first month of school he used a little recorder with a big button to communicate. His teacher would record the answer ahead of time, ask a question and then let Gideon hit the button to "answer". Now he's repeating single words and using words of his own without the recorder. Actually, he's used the recorder the last few days. Ben and I have talked about trying to see where Gideon's autism ends and his introverted nature begins. Sometimes he just doesn't talk because he's too shy or there's too many people around. That's not autism; that's the Dyer male. (With the exception of my father-in-law who, I believe, got the talkative nature for 6 generations of Dyer males.)

In addition to the report cards, I've gotten an update in a binder each day telling me what they learned, what centers they played and other tidbits. They both started the year playing alone or playing with the teacher's help. Now Sophie comes home with "played with friends" circled almost daily. She's even mentioned a few of her classmates names! Gideon has even had it circled a few times. I really hope they're making friends. I know how hard it is even without the autism. Every time I see that circle, my heart swells to think of my little man stepping out of his comfort zone to play with his classmates.

Sophie has been going to the regular Pre-K room for 20 minutes each day for 4 days a week. She participates in their Circle Time. After 2 weeks, I spoke to her teacher who said that Sophie was quiet and a little afraid of the Pre-K teacher. She stayed close to her aide and wouldn't look at the teacher or talk to her. This broke my heart because it sounded so familiar. I can remember being terrified of a teacher each year in school until high school. It was never my homeroom teacher but was always one I didn't see all of the time. I discussed this with Sophie's teacher who said that she would talk to the Pre-K teacher to see if there was anything they could do. After a week she said that Sophie would talk and smile at the teacher. Now she eagerly goes to her other classroom and will interact with the kids and the teacher. I'm so proud of her for conquering her fears.

In 8 weeks, I've seen massive changes. I can't wait to see what happens by the end of the year.

Riding the Bus

They're waiting on the bus. It's so much fun to walk them to the stop sign and wait to see their eyes light up when they see it!

Roundup

Oh my gracious, I have a blog. I'll get back on track with a never-done-before bullet point post!

• Sophie and Gideon have been going to the sensory gym for the last month. They are settling in and learning to follow directions. Sophie has learned how to flip backwards! Gideon jumps on the trampoline with no help! This is going so well and I'm excited to see what else they learn.
• Sophie and Gideon have also been accepted into the PPCD classes at our local elementary school. Gideon will go to the morning half-class and Sophie will go in the afternoon. Both will ride the bus back and forth to the school. They start on Monday. We'll go to Open House on Wednesday night so they can meet the teacher and see their classroom. I get to buy school supplies on Thursday! I'm way too excited about school supplies, first day outfits and bus routines. OK...I'm half excited and half sobbing every 30 minutes. MY BABIES!!!
• I've called an ABA therapist to see if our insurance will pay for behavioral therapy. She says that the kids would go for 2-4 hours a week at the least. WOW. Let's schedule that around school, Milly's MDO and the kids' new gym times on Wednesday. She's also looking into getting speech therapy approved, too. That's another 45 minutes a week. My weeks are starting to fill up.
• Milly will go back to South Garland Baptist's MDO in September. She'll go on Wednesdays and Fridays from 9-2. I had originally looked for a 4-5 day program for her but I changed my mind. There's not much time before Milly is no longer the baby of the family. I want some time with just her before that change.
• Milly will also start ECI on Wednesday. The ENT said that she's not hearing well and will need ear tubes. The ECI therapist will do speech therapy. Maybe she'll learn to say Mama again!
• Ear tubes. Milly needs them. Gideon will go to the ENT after this last round of antibiotics for another ear infection. Sophie had her first ear infection after her tubes. There's a good possibility that 2 or all of the kids will need tubes. OY.

Then there's the new baby!

HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU?
6 weeks, give or take. According to Baby Center this means that his/her heart is beating. That makes me all fuzzy.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
Grumpy, weepy, happy, sleepy...your basic dwarf moodiness. Add in the migraines, caffeine withdrawal and "morning" sickness and I'm a treat to be around.

ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER TIMES?
I'm experiencing dizziness and vertigo for the first time. It's bizarre! I'll be going about my normal business when spots will suddenly blur my vision and I'll sit down hard. The doctor has said that it's normal and to eat more protein rich foods. It also helps if I move slowly and take a few minutes to move around and get my blood flowing.

NEXT DOCTOR APPOINTMENT?
September 6th. I'll have my first ultrasound and she'll probably take some blood. My doctor does an ultrasound at every appointment. It's nice to see that little peanut every time I go in.

Go about your business. I'm sure I'll be back eventually to post pictures of Sophie and Gideon's first day at school.

"TOP Men"

Yesterday was my vague and grownup post about parents of special needs kids. Today is my vent.

Sophie and Gideon have never been to Vacation Bible School because most start at 5 years old. When the church where they are going to MDO put out their VBS info and it said that they start at three, I began to do my usual scouring the info to see if this would work. It was from Sunday to Thursday at nights for 2 1/2 hours. Not too long but long enough to let them have fun but not get overtired. It was at a familiar place but they would go to different rooms letting them know that change is still OK. Gideon would go into the three year old room and not really participate with the Big Kids until the last night when they have a big closing doodah in the sanctuary. He would still do the crafts, get a shirt and learn the lessons. The children's director knows my kids and knows their limits. I felt comfortable.

Sign them up!

Everything went well until last night when Ben dropped them off. When he got to Gideon's room he was informed that Gideon was being moved down to the room with the volunteers babies. According to this woman, Gideon's room was not equipped to handle a child in diapers. Ben came back upset that Gideon was being held back. I got in the car and drove up to the church to find out more about what was going on.

Side note: Did you know that the Mazda 5 can reach 95 MPH?

I prayed that God would keep my temper in check and stormed into the church to see what had happened. The children's director was found and I explained that Gideon had been moved. She was confused at my explanation and had no idea that he had been moved. She said it didn't make sense. Another woman was walking by and heard us talking. It turns out that she was the one who had made the change. She was the associate pastor in charge of the children's ministries. She said that Gideon had been "messing in his pants" and had been moved to a room where there were people who were "trained to handle that kind of thing".

As if you need an advanced degree to clean poop off of my kid's marblesack.

After I was able to put a stop to the condescension and get a word in edgewise, I explained that if I had been told earlier that kids must be potty trained before attending VBS, I would not have brought my kids. Even my 4 year old has accidents. I told them that I had no intention of making more work for their volunteers and said that I would take my son home and he would not come for the last night since he was not a part of VBS.

I was reassured by the children's director that Gideon was still doing the same thing as the three year old group but was just in a room where more diapers were changed. (If that woman said "people TRAINED to handle that" one more time, there was going to be a situation.) That class would also be involved in the big closing doodah tonight and he was still learning the lessons. She took my point seriously and said that future VBS info would make it clear that three years olds attending would need to be potty trained.

I left with an apology and reassurance that Gideon was having fun and they loved having him there. I'm still going to leave the kids in the MDO program because I know that Gideon's teachers ADORE him. I felt like I was heard and was able to get them to see that the situation could have been handled better.

Now to go see how much one of those trained professionals go for so I can see how much I'm worth.

Three

My Dear Little Prince,

Three years and 8ish months ago, I took a test telling me that we were going to have another baby. Over the next week, I became convinced that I was going to have a boy. Your father kept neutral and said that we had a 50/50 chance.

I was sure it was you.

Around 20 weeks we went for the ultrasound to see if we could find out if you were healthy and showy enough to let us know to reuse Sophie's pink blankets or follow traditional gender roles and buy something with baseballs. The tech swirled the wand on my belly and you greeted us with a pressed ham.

"We are either having a boy or a child with three legs." I announced.

You decided to follow in your sister's footsteps and come at 34 weeks. You added your own flair by not breaking my water, cutting the labor in half - thank you for that - and gasping like a fish out of water in my arms. I had enough time to register abject fear at your blue lips and kiss your head before you were whisked away by the NICU team at 4:38 PM. Around 9:00, your father and I made our way down to the NICU and found you strapped into this lovely little headset. I asked if I could hold you and a nurse gently told me that it probably wasn't a good idea at the time. They were having problems balancing your CPAP machine and the IV in your head and they didn't want you jiggled about. We stayed and stared at you for an hour before taking me back to my room. I was sharing my room with another woman who sat in her bed breastfeeding her chubby little boy. Your daddy couldn't stay with me since it was a shared room. When he left, I laid in my bed burning with fever and shaking with quiet tears as I listened to the baby sounds on the other side of the curtain. Your sister's NICU had been just down the hallway. In this hospital, you had to go down a hallway to the elevators, go down a floor, go through a lobby, another hallway, get onto another elevator and go up two floors before getting to the NICU.

People may call you a Mama's Boy. I prefer to think that I just worked my butt off for you and now I'm very grateful. You learned quickly and came home to us. You have been glued to my side ever since that day. You are my cuddliest child. You hold my hand whenever possible, even if we're just sitting on the couch.

As I write this, you are right by my side with your head on my shoulder. You went to Mothers Day Out today with cupcakes for the classroom. You don't cry when I drop you off. You simply trot inside and come back when I call you so that I can get a kiss. Your teachers are completely enamored with you. (Who wouldn't be?!) We have some hurdles to jump this year but Mama is going to be right here. I'll hold your hand the whole time.

Love,
Mama

Walled In

Gideon wanders around the room with a Power Ranger. He stops to make the toy bounce around a table and the baby gate. He babbles to himself; sometimes loudly and sometimes very quietly. Sometimes I can understand a few words or the tune to a song. He'll wander over to where I'm sitting and climb up beside me. He snuggles next to my arm and keeps talking to his Power Ranger. He always sits as close as he can to me.

Tonight, as I dressed him for bed, I had to chase him a little and then wrangle him to the ground. I got his diaper changed and put his clothes on. I was able to get him to say "shirt". Kinda. After we said our family prayers, he was sent to me for kisses. He kissed me soundly and I grabbed him up to snuggle and tickle him. After he finished giggling, I sat him in front of me.

"I love you. Can you say 'I love you', Gideon?"

Nothing. He can't even look me in the eyes. He just looks around the room. No more babbling. Just wandering eyes.

"Gideon? *tap my chin twice* Can you say 'I love you'?"

Still looking around.

"Baby, can you say 'Mama'?"

He briefly meets my eyes and grins. So I just gather him up and kiss him again. I put him to bed and tell him I love him.

I don't know what my little boy dreams. I don't know what he thinks about. He doesn't tell me what he wants to eat and drink so I have to guess. He's not potty trained because every time I've tried to teach him he just repeats the words while smiling. He intently watches Play With Me Sesame, Imagination Movers and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He knows most of the episodes and has started to parrot them back.

Ben and I talked about Gideon yesterday. We talked about what we're missing. We don't get to hear little boy descriptions of anything. We play cars, Legos and blocks with Gideon but he gets distracted fast and will wander off. If the teachers at his various schools didn't tell us what happened during the day then we would have no idea if he had a good or bad day.

This is not to say that he won't learn. Better days are coming. Through speech and behavior therapy combined with time, he'll be able to communicate with us.

I still can't help but look at my little man as he sits playing with his toys and wonder what I'm missing.

In Sickness and in Health...

On Thursday, Sophie and Gideon both started running fevers. Sophie ran faster and got up to 103. Gideon sounded like he was going to cough up a lung. We drugged them and got them to sleep. My beloved mother came over on Friday when I woke up with a fever and sore throat, too. After two doctor appointments, the verdicts were in:

Sophie - Strep throat

Gideon - Strep throat, double ear infection

Mama - Sinus infection, seasonal allergies

Since Milly was not showing any signs of being sick, my mother whisked her away to Camp Grandparents where she would be plied with toys, food, individual cuddles and anything else her little heart desired. My parents are pretty much softies when it comes to their grandchildren. That child is going to come back as rotten as a black banana. BUT! She probably won't get sick.

Ben came home with all of our medicines and we started the rounds of sitting on chests and prying their mouths open to pour strawberry flavored caulk down their throats. I really should put sympathy cards in our neighbors' mailboxes after Gideon's fit that caused half of the shingles to come loose and fly through the windows.

I'm assuming that this strep came from them going back to Mother's Day Out. Anytime kids get social they always share something more than their toys.

It also made me giggle because I remembered my funniest strep story. I had strep all of the time when I was younger until my tonsils were voted out of the tribe when I was 19. When I was a senior in high school, I got strep at the beginning of the year. I started feeling sick at a school kick-off thing held in the cafeteria one evening. I was with the band sitting on the floor when I started feeling hot and dizzy. I suddenly didn't care what was on that disgusting floor and only cared that the tile was cool against my cheek. Things weren't getting better when it was time to go home. I drove my boyfriend, who said he was also feeling funny, in my mom's Chevy Lumina minivan. (I was just that cool.) I got home and mom took me to urgent care. They told us that my wimpy tonsils had once again given up against the strep bug. When I got home, I remembered that my boyfriend had been feeling gross too.

Yeah.

First I had to tell my mother that my boyfriend was sick with probably the same thing which meant basically telling her that I had been swapping spit with a boy. Then I had to call and tell him that I had strep and that's probably why his throat was closing up. Of course, his throat hurt so I talked to his mother instead. How do you call your boyfriend's mother and tell her that you know why her son is feeling sick because you're the diseased harlot that infected him? I tried to soften the blow by offering to bring ice cream. We were teased for WEEKS because we were both out sick at the same time with a disease that you can get from KISSING, OMG THEY WERE KISSING! Even the band directors gave us a hard time.

So now I look at my strep-diseased Sophie and wonder...just how close is that boy in her MDO class?

Naptime

May in Texas

...means pool time!

Dear Children...

Dear Eldest,

Yes. That's Grover. IT'S ALWAYS GROVER. Please stop telling Mommy. Mommy's ears are tired.
In other news, poop goes in the potty. Not your panties. QUIT IT.

Love,
Earless Mommy

Dear Boy Child,

Stop stuffing HANDFULS of Goldfish in your mouth. That is why you choke. Also, naptime is from 1-3. Plan accordingly. I don't care if you fall asleep at 2:50; I'm getting you up at 3:00.

Love,
Nap Nazi Mommy

Dear Sunshine Littles,

If you are done with your food, please simply wave your hands in the air. (Whether you care or not.) Do not attempt to decorate the floor within a 2 foot radius with your leftovers. It makes spaghetti night even more annoying.

Love,
Grateful-You're-Cute Mommy

p.s. Butt cream helps your butt. Please stop eating it.

Seasons of Change

This post hit me hard this morning. The mother is talking about how all of her life it seems as though she's always waiting for the next stage.

When will I get married?
When will I have a baby?
When will the baby sleep through the night?
When will that kiddo get potty trained?

I read through the post and then stopped and looked at my babies. They're watching Sesame Street. Sophie is playing with her blocks. Milly is toddling around the room and screeching at Cookie Monster. Gideon is busily lining up his figures.

I'm impatient. I want Sophie potty trained. Like yesterday. FULLY. I want Gideon to start talking. I want Milly to stop freaking out when I leave her sight.

What am I missing?

They will never be this little again. Right now I can hold all of them. They want me to hold them. Gideon cuddles against my shoulder and wants me to sing his lullabye. Sophie curls up in my arms each night so I can rock her and sing her lullabye. Milly lurches over to me, climbs up me like I'm Everest, flings herself down on my shoulder and jams her thumb in her mouth. (No singing, please. Just rock.)

They say the cutest things. Gideon just learned how to say "rocket". He has rockets on his pajamas. Sophie can say anything you tell her to. It's really funny to make her say "Oy vey!" and then we both collapse into giggles. She calls pizza "peetzee".

Please don't ask Gideon to say "fork".

Their lives are so simple. A kiddie pool, some cups and a sunny day is the BEST DAY EVER. I'm the BEST MOM EVER for setting it up.

Lord, let me rest in this phase of life. Let me enjoy my children just as they are. They are amazing.

Boogie Woogie Brain

I'm at a low point right now. I'm not even sure why it's happening. Yes, life is very stressful right now.

• We're still trying to enroll Sophie into different therapies. GISD is dragging their feet and they keep asking for more paperwork. I've given them enough that they will at least put her case in front of a board to see if she qualifies for the PPCD program. She probably won't start that program until the next school year. We've been wait-listed for speech therapy at the Callier Center. So now we just have to figure out a schedule, find some classes and possibly go back to Mother's Day out for the summer. The speech therapist said that Sophie would respond very well to therapy.
• Gideon is still showing autism red flags. He will turn 3 at the end of June. I've spoken to the GISD people and we're going to wait until he turns 3 and inevitably fails his pediatrician's developmental evaluation. Pair that with a vision and hearing test and we'll see if he can also qualify for the PPCD program in the fall. Again, we'll just look for some speech classes and maybe MDO in the summer. He is talking more and more. We're noticing that what originally looked like red flags are actually part of a shy personality. He's a quiet little introvert just like his Daddy. He can talk but a lot of the time he just chooses not to. He loves to sing and that makes my heart soar.
• Milly is hitting all of her milestones. She's a feisty little thing. I wept tears of joy when I saw her stacking blocks at 14 months old instead of over 2 years old like her siblings. She walks all over and runs if she's getting into something. She laughs at everything and screeches if it's really funny. She eats like a teenage boy. She toots like one, too. She hates wearing bows and dresses. She loves watching the Ranger games. She's Daddy's Little Sunshine. I would love to see her in MDO, too. She's pretty firmly entrenched in the separation anxiety phase and MDO changes that quickly.
• We're staying in the same rental house for another year. There is a lot of work that needs to happen in this house to make it habitable. The majority of the work is going to fall to me. Every room needs to be painted and trim needs to be added. 3 ceiling fans will be replaced and one will be added. Closets will be emptied and reorganized. The master walk-in closet will be turned into a very small office space. The kids will share one bedroom and have a playroom.

All of this is added to the day-to-day cooking, cleaning and general domesticated merriment of a SAHM. I'm still losing weight and inches on the Weight Watchers plan. I've boxed up a ton of my old clothes. There's not a whole lot left. It's irritating to buy new clothes right now for a few reasons and they are both ridiculous.

1. I'm outgrowing clothes quickly. I don't like spending $60 on a pair of jeans that are going to be saggy-baggy in a month. I know. BOO-HOO.
2. Everything is in pretty and bright springy colors right when I'm in a depressive funk. I want to buy all black but then I lust after yellow shirts and cherry covered purses. I know. GET OVER YOURSELF.

All of this rambling diatribe is basically to say that anxiety sucks, my life is actually going very well and I need prayers that God won't stop hitting me with a 2x4 until my eyes uncross and I see what He's given me.