Weakness

I failed to learn my verse for February. It seems appropriate that my March verse is 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Paul is writing a letter to the church in Corinth. In this chapter, he's talking about seeing other men do great things for the Lord. These men he will boast about he will never boast about himself. He speaks of a "thorn" in his life that he has thrice asked God to remove from his life. We never find about what Paul is suffering. Here is God's answer to Paul's pleas for release:

But he replied, “My gift of undeserved grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.  (CEV)

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (ESV)

God tells Paul to stop asking for the thorn to be taken from him. He tells Paul that what he sees as a weakness is going to be used by God to show that the power comes from God alone and not from Paul. Paul accepts this and decides to let people know that he is weak, human and flawed so that they can see that every good and powerful thing happens all from God.

I feel so flawed lately. More so than ever. Maybe it feels highlighted because I'm struggling with my thorn. Parenting three children, especially one with special needs and one who is showing signs of the same special needs, with an anxiety disorder makes me want to run screaming for my safe place. It makes me want to shut down and go back to my old and destructive habits.

I then remind myself that God gave these children to me and to Ben. He had a reason for giving these three specific children with their specific needs to us.

I am too weak to care for my children. I am too scared to know what to do when meltdowns happen. I'm get so anxious that I feel myself separate from my body and the world swells around me.

Whatever good things you see in my life, whatever milestones you see my children reach, whatever smiles and laughs come out of my mouth are all from God. His power is made perfect and very evident in my weakness.