First I tried putting her in her empty crib for Time Out. Once the screams died down, I would go in there and have a one sided conversation about why she shouldn't scream/throw things/hit people/cause destruction/etc. This didn't seem to do anything and she would usually get angry about 3 seconds after getting out of the crib. So then I started holding her and letting her fight against me. She screams and struggles until she gets it out of her system. When she starts to calm down, I ask her if she wants her baby. She gets her baby when she stops yelling. Once she stops yelling and has her baby in her arms, I talk to her about why she can't tell/hit/throw/destroy/etc. This seems to work a little better. She wouldn't be angry afterwards.
However, twice in the last few weeks there have been actual meltdowns where I had to restrain her from hitting me and herself. It really scares me. I've already been arguing with myself for over a year about autism. (Why doesn't she talk? Why doesn't she cuddle? Why does she get so FREAKING ANGRY?) Aren't meltdowns a part of all of that?
It doesn't help that everyone else's kids seem to be freaking geniuses. They're all speaking in complete sentences by 4 months old and giving guest lectures on quantum physics by 2 years old. They not only eat with silverware but have perfect manners. Some have eschewed potty training and just reabsorb everything back into their bodies. It's more green, you know. Meanwhile, my 3 year old is dangling from my arms, diaper soaking through her pants and onto my shirt, screaming nonsense at the top of her lungs because I handed her a blue crayon.
I know it's my fault. She was early. Maybe I did something. Maybe I'm doing something now. Maybe I'm not doing something now. Maybe I didn't get the First Kid Handbook that everyone else seems to have. I'm taking this beautiful little blue-grey eyed girl from God and just ruining her.
Maybe I should mention this to my psychiatrist. It might be time for better meds.
You're not alone. While Lille Pige doesn't have the hearing or speech issues, she does have the angries, as I call them. There are times I don't know what I'm going to do when she gets any bigger. And I have her and an almost 11 year old. Nuts. Lady, you're not doing it wrong. You're doing it. And that counts in big ways.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I have 3 little imperfect little girls. They are human, with sin nature. I hate that! THey start off such sweet little angels, and then they discover free will. God gave you 3 beautiful, sweet little ones because he knew you would be the perfect mom for them. Not perfect, by any means, but perfect for those three who are blessed to call you their mommy.
ReplyDeleteIf you are truly worried about Autism, I have a friend with a 4 year old who was diagnosed about a year ago. You would love her. I can get y'all in touch if you want someone to talk to about it. Also, ISDs offer free tests and screenings (my friend could talk to you about that too). Also, Matt is a preschool teacher for autistic kiddos in MISD.
Love,
Beth