Thursday, January 2, 2014

Pick Me Up

Rory has started crawling and pulling up. As I watch her explore her world, I think.

I love watching those chubby little legs.


This is the last time I'll watch a baby learn to do this.

You're going to regret putting that hair ball in your mouth.

I really should vacuum more often.

God looks at me like this.

The last thought is what set me down to write in between lunging at my newly mobile daughter. There are so many times when I watch my children try out a new skill like walking or climbing. Sometimes they'll push it a little too far. Sometimes they'll do something I've specifically told them not to do.

Don't jump down the stairs!

Don't balance on the back of the couch!

Don't throw your brother/sister into the wall/floor!

Don't chew that!

Because they are young or simply don't understand, there are not a lot of instances where I can sit them down and explain the reasons why I have these rules. Our main reason that we repeat is "Rules keep us safe." Just respect that I am your mother, I know more than you and I have a reason to tell you not to run in a crowded parking lot.

Still, my children are realizing that they have free will. They can run faster than me at times. They might get that yummy looking cockroach into their mouth before I can launch myself at them. And, darn it!, they're just going to try! I must be overreacting. It can't possibly be that horrible to drink a muddy puddle on the ground!

There are times when I will quietly stand to the side and allow them to make what I know to be a not-so-smart decision. I'm not talking about touching the stove or riding their bike in traffic, but I'll let them try to carry 19 toys upstairs because they don't want to make 3 trips. When Sophie drops all of her babies and cries then I'm there to hold her while she cries. I'm there to gently ask if that was the best decision. I'm there to offer another solution.

God does the same with me. When I don't follow His plan, I find myself dropping everything sometimes. There are times I might make it up the stairs and I get triumphant. But I can't do it every time. God's plan will work every time. Sometimes I'll drop everything and in the midst of my tears I'll lash out at God. Why did He let this happen?!? He could have helped! He could have snapped his fingers and I wouldn't have to carry anything! No matter what I say, He always holds me while I cry. Sometimes I push him away and cry on my own. He waits and watches. He wants to comfort me and show me a better way. I'm that loved. I'm that wanted. We all are.

Whenever things go wrong, I'm trying to look through my tears at who is really making the decisions. Did I stray? Was I tripped? Where is God? He's always near and I can ask Him for help. Instead of curling up or lashing out, I will try to choose to take a deep breath and lean on my Father. He knows better.

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