(Ben is out running errands this afternoon and the other kids are asleep. I'm in my bed with Sophie trying to take a nap and convince her to do the same.)
*LOUD GINORMOUS FART THAT RATTLES THE BED*
Me: "Sophie, say excuse me."
Me: "It wasn't Dada."
Me: "I heard it come out of your butt. It shook the whole blanket."
Sophie: *very insistent* "DAAADAAAA!"
Me: "Sophia, Daddy isn't even in the house! He's not even in the same city!"
Sophie: "IT DADA!!!!"
Me: *sigh* "Fine. Daddy tooted. Now go to sleep."