Monday, May 2, 2011

Chicken Horror

I just put my very first whole chicken in the oven. I've been cooking for years but I've never made a whole chicken. This was a VERY different experience for me.

It started with this recipe. I've used it on chicken breasts and it's wonderful. Then Albertsons put their whole chickens on sale for 49 cents a pound. Frugal Kelly couldn't resist and bought three. (The limit they would sell.) Today, after the kids went down for their naps, I began the battle.

I started by mixing the spices with butter to create a rub. Then I sliced an onion to make an edible rack for my roasting pan. So far, so good.

Then, I faced the chicken.

Carefully, I opened the package and watched horrified as what seemed like 16 legs squirted out. Gingerly, I picked up the chicken and began to try to wash it inside and out. (As my mother had instructed me.) It was like trying to wash a soaped up, shaved howler monkey. I could not keep my hands on that thing! Then I peered into the depths of the...honestly, I don't know what end of the chicken I was looking into and I'm happier that way. Somehow I had to reach into that thing and dig out all of the innards. I took a deep breath, recited Philippians 4:13 and plunged my hand into the bird. I felt like a magician as I pulled out hearts, kidneys, livers, lungs, pancreases SERIOUSLY LIKE 100 ORGANS. I think I got a prank bird. I think someone at Pilgrims Pride stuffed it full of 127 other chicken organs just to giggle.

Finally, I got the durn thing clean and dry. I plopped it onto the onion rack and poured on some butter / spice mix. Then I started to rub it into the chicken. All the while I'm trying not to think about what I'm doing. After all, I'm just putting butter and spices on a chicken for dinner.

I'm just rubbing the spices into the skin so it can pick up some flavor.


It's all over now. The chicken is in the oven. I've washed my hands a hundred times. I'm really looking forward to dinner.

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way everytime my husband wants a turkey. I clorox the entire kitchen and bathe in UV rays just to kill the idea of germs.