Struggles and Smiles

Dear Rory,

You're now 7 and a half months old and things are a little tough. You've got two gigantic teeth breaking through your too gums. It makes me wince just to look at your poor little mouth!

Then there's the bazillion diapers that comes along with teething and the inevitable diaper rash that follows. Mama is trying hard to keep up with your stinky rear. I know you love prunes but we're going to have to lay off of them for a while.

There's a school of thought that says whenever you reach a new developmental stage, you have a hard time sleeping. I think that's happening. You're trying so hard to crawl lately. You get up on your hands and knees without really thinking about it. Of course, you either scoot backwards or face-plant. 

Today, you began screaming in your crib. When I went to get you, it looked like you had tried to sit up but couldn't keep yourself upright. You were folded over with your head in your lap. You struggled to sit up, screamed at me and flopped back over. Mommy didn't laugh. Promise. (Kind of.) This can't be helping your already sleep deprived state. Let's try to hold off on the acrobatics until you're fully awake, OK?

I love you to bits and pieces, Starlight. I know things are tough right now but you are such a big brave girl. You keep smiling and laughing through everything. Mama is so proud of you.

Love,

Mama

Sunshine

Daylight Savings Time gave us a baby awake early enough to hurt but too close to morning to go back to bed. Ben took her downstairs for a bottle. I stayed in bed for another hour nursing a headache. He ended up staying at home with Rory while I took the other three to church. He and Rory were exhausted and Sophie hates to miss church.

We go to Lake Pointe in Rockwall. It's a wonderful church. Steve Stroope is a man of The Lord who truly cares about this church. We have a good Life Group made up of people who are trying valiantly to populate the Earth all on their own. (Seriously. 9 babies are on their way.)

Lake Pointe also has the SOAR program. SOAR is a program for kids and adults with special needs. I'm exceedingly grateful for these amazing people that want to work with my children.

Especially since we just had to switch Milly from her regular preschool room to the SOAR program.

I'll be honest, this broke my heart. She's getting ECI therapy once a week and will start PPCD classes when she turns 3 in January. She has a speech delay. She doesn't focus well. She is still chewing a lot. None of the people who have evaluated her believe that this is autism. They think that the speech delay and having 2 autistic older siblings to emulate has pushed her behind. However, we're seeing a lot of progress and not any of the usual autism red flags.

It could still be autism. I have to be OK with that. Right now, I'm not. I'll keep teaching and learning Milly's needs. I'll thank God that she has a Sunday classroom where she can learn a little easier. I'll cry a little less each Sunday.

I will fight for my Sunshine.

Participation

Today begins NaNoWriMo. Writing every day in November? Let's give it another go.

Last night was Halloween. It was another Halloween that we didn't really celebrate. Not because we're fundamentalists ready to cry "witchcraft!" at every jack-o-lantern, but because it just didn't work for us this year.

We eat at 5:00. The kids play and then go to bed at 6:00. This is the routine.

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ROUTINE.

I made costumes for Sophie and Gideon this year. They don't really tolerate anything complicated so I just put together simple outfits of Jake and Izzy from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. (Their new obsession.) I bought a Princess Leia dress for Milly and a monkey costume for Rory.

We took them to a Fall Festival at the beginning of the month. It was hosted by the SOAR program at Lake Pointe Church. Sophie and Gideon go to the SOAR class on Sundays. It's one of the only churches we know of with a special needs program and we're grateful for it. They ate hot dogs and bounced around for an hour. They had a good time. It was too hot for Rory's money costume so she just wore a Halloween onesie.

Last night, we considered going Trick-or-Treating at Firewheel Mall but it was going to start too late for us. Gideon and Rory went grocery shopping with me and were exhausted. Milly didn't nap that day. So, no trick-or-treating this year.

I get frustrated sometimes when we have to miss something again. I want my kids to have these experiences. I want them to look back at pictures of Halloween costumes and Crazy Hair Day at school. I have to remember that it's about them and not about me. If they don't feel comfortable with dressing up or breaking routine then I have to respect that. They don't even understand the concept of Halloween yet and that's OK. We'll go when they understand it more.

I'll just stock up on clearanced candy for now.

Breakfast Casseroles

Last night, I made an easy dinner. I thought about taking some time to relax but instead I took the time without children hanging from my person to prep some breakfast for the week. I glanced through the fridge and pantry and came up with some random ingredients to work with. I read a few recipes and then just did what sounded good. Here's what I came up with.

Casserole #1 - Sausage, Potato and Cheddar

The Stuff

6 Eggs

Half & Half

House Seasoning*

Little potatoes

Breakfast sausage

Shredded cheddar

*House Seasoning (I use this in everything.)

Kosher Salt

Black Pepper

Onion Powder

Garlic Powder

The Process

Wash and peel your potatoes. I didn't peel them and Ben has requested that I peel them next time. Cube them up into about thumbnail size. Throw them onto a baking sheet with some house seasoning and olive oil. Roast at 400 until everything is crispy and brown. It should take about 25-30 minutes. I had some onion on the sheet too but I'll probably leave it out next time.

Blend the eggs and about a half of a cup of half & half together. I made both casseroles at the same time so it had 12 eggs and a little over a cup of half & half. I eyeballed the h&h. Put a big pinch of house seasoning into the eggs.

Brown the breakfast sausage in a big skillet. Leave the drippings in the pan if you're making the other casserole.

In a greased casserole dish - I forgot to grease it and that's a MISTAKE - throw in your sausage, potatoes and 1/2 a cup of cheddar. Mix it up and pour the egg mixture over everything. Shake the dish around to let the eggs settle. Top with a little more cheese.

Bake at 375 for 30-45 minutes until bubbly and brown on top. It's going to puff up a bit and those puffs are awesome.

Casserole #2 - Spinach, feta, mushroom and bacon

The Stuff

6 Eggs

Half & half

House Seasoning

Sliced mushrooms

1 box of frozen spinach, thawed

Feta

6 slices of bacon

The Process

First, I laid the bacon on a ridged baking dish and baked it at 400 for 20 minutes. Mine was thick cut bacon so it took a while to cook. This is my go-to method for cooking bacon. It can cook while I do other stuff. I had it in the oven with the potatoes from the other casserole.

With the sausage drippings from the other casserole, I added 2 tablespoons of butter in the skillet and let it melt. I dumped in a small container of sliced mushrooms and let them brown over medium heat. Once they had started to brown, I took the thawed spinach and tossed it in with them. Remember to squeeze all of the moisture from your spinach. I forgot that too and it makes a big difference. Add a big pinch of house seasoning and let that goodness cook.

In a greased casserole dish - GREASE IT UP - toss the mushroom and spinach mixture. Chop up the bacon and add a cup of feta cheese. Mix everything up. Pour the egg and h&h mixture over everything and shake it to let it settle. Bake at 375 for 30-45 minutes.

This was DIVINE. It tastes decadent but I don't think it's too bad for you. Ben really liked his casserole. Cut them into squares and it can be refrigerated or even frozen for later. It's a quick and hearty breakfast.

Now, go forth and produce noms.

Valid

For the mom wondering if her baby will ever sleep through the night...

For the mom wondering if her son will ever speak...

For the mom who just told her daughter to turn off the TV for the fifth time because she has homework...

For the mom laying awake wondering if the lights will still be on tomorrow...

For the mom yawning in the stands at another soccer game...

For the mom pouring a second glass of wine after chasing a 2-year old bent on destruction all day...

For the mom anxiously wondering if her daughter is eating right while she's at college...

For the mom in tears wondering why her son feels the need to escape into drugs when she's right there...

It doesn't matter what your problems look like when compared to others. They are yours and they are valid. You are allowed to be tired, frustrated, to cry and to want it to end.

Wonder Baby

Kiddo,

You are a chubby ball of amazing.

You're 4 months old now. (Well, you will be on the 28th.) I'm not sure how much you weigh but it's over 13 pounds.

You grab at toys and shove them in your mouth. Is this a preview to teething? I don't feel any bumps.

You babble and chat all day long. You started calling for "ma-ma" whenever you want to be picked up. That's MUCH earlier than we expected!

You like to lay and kick while cooing at the ceiling fan. We try to do this every time the older kids are down for quiet time so that no one tramples you.

I cannot imagine life without your smiles and conversations. I love feeling your chubby little body in my arms as you snuggle to sleep with your star blanket and your paci.

Mama loves you, RoBo.

Not Going Back

Sophie, Gideon and Milly have been going to a Mother's Day Out program twice a week this summer. Last week was a break between sessions.

Tonight I got a call asking us not to bring Milly back.

Milly has been chewing things since November of last year. It started when my mother noticed her licking the grout on their fireplace. Then we started noticing bite marks here and there on the corners of the walls. Milly has dug holes in the drywall large enough to fit a softball. In two weeks of moving into the new house she's marked nearly every single corner. She goes and hides to chew sometimes and sometimes it seems almost absent-minded. She always stops when we tell her but will go back to it minutes later as if it were a compulsion.

The wooden furniture is chewed. We have to buy only plastic toys with no stickers or paint. We can't paint the walls. I have to watch her like a hawk in public or at other people's houses.

We've spoken to her pediatrician who ordered blood tests. Her lead levels were normal and her iron was low. We've been giving her iron supplements daily. ECI was told and agreed that it was probably a habit now and might be related to anxiety. (There has been a lot of upheaval in the last 6 months.)

The selfish part of me is angry. This is humiliating. I've had so many people (MDO, Sunday church workers, other moms) ask me if I know that she's chewing things. They all try to say it so gently. This is after I've tried to tell them about it when I drop her off and show them the special blanket covered in tags that she chews on. This is not news to me. I am well aware of this issue.

I think that's what insults me the most. It's the feeling that people are looking at me and my child and wondering why I'm not putting a stop to this behavior. Don't I understand how destructive and potentially harmful this is?

Yes. I understand that eating paint is not recommended for children under 5.

I have noticed the behavior. I'm not sitting back with my fingers crossed hoping that it goes away. I'm working my butt off trying to change her behavior. Im researching methods and consulting therapists and doctors. Unfortunately, 2-year olds are not known for their cooperative attitudes.

So now, we'll just not take Milly to MDO. It's OK. I'll take that extra time with just her and we'll work even harder. Maybe even tackle the potty.

I refuse to give up on my kid.