Tracts of Land

WARNING:  THIS POST IS ABOUT GIRLY PARTS.  SPECIFICALLY THE ONES ON TOP.


MOM AND KATHY, PLEASE GO LOOK AT QUILTS.  GRANDMA, JUST SHUT THE COMPUTER DOWN.

So.

Did you know that about 80% of brassiere wearing women are wearing the wrong size?  Are you in the 20%?  A well-fitted bra can completely change the way your clothes look and how your back feels.

But you didn't come here to listen to me talk about sensible things.  You want to hear about the tiny menopausal Latina woman who unabashedly wrestles with my Mommies every time I go to the lingerie shop.

There is a wonderful intimate apparel shop in Dallas that has been here since 1934.  They sell robes, pajamas and swimwear but mainly deal in custom fitted over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.  My mother brought me here a few years ago after I had Sophie and everything shifted.  She recognized that I needed something a little more supportive and that I needed some expert opinions.

Now I've always been a big girl.  I don't think I ever wore a training bra.  I've always sighed wistfully at strapless dresses and matching bra and panty sets.  I once tried on a Wonderbra and nearly collapsed when all of the oxygen was cut off from my brain because my nostrils and mouth were completely covered.

I left my mother on the couch in the waiting area and went into the dressing room.  I expected the tiny woman to measure over my existing bra and then pass in some options that I would then try on and say Yea or Nay.

What happened was that tiny little woman marched over to me as I removed my shirt and just flat out grabbed me.  She began lifting and searching and pushing and squooshing and holy monkeys I really want my Mama.

"SO YOU JUS' HAD A BABY? WHADDA WE LOOKIN' AT HERE?"

Lady, I will tell you anything you want if you will just let go of my chachies and for the love of GOD close the door to the dressing room.

That woman measured me and ran off LEAVING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN STILL and I called my mommy back into the dressing room because now I was terrified.  The lady came back with a few options.  She showed me how I had been putting bras on wrong for my entire life while my mother smothered a smile and quietly closed the door.  I think she got a kick out of my dinner-plate sized eyes and how her most talkative child was finally rendered speechless.  Once she helped me into the first one ("MAKE SURE ALL OF THE GIRLS ARE IN THE CUPS!") I stood up and felt...relief.

You mean bras are supposed to be comfortable?!  What witchcraft is this?!?!

They tweaked a few more places and I left with a bag full of the first proper fitting undergarments that I have ever worn.  Granted, they cost a little more but that's because I wear sizes normally reserved for Viking women.  I go back and get wrestled and prodded but now I do it knowing I'm coming out of there more comfortable than when I went in.  It doesn't bother me as much as the first time.

I also remember to close the door.

Now will someone please go pick my mother up off of the floor so she can answer the phone when my grandmother calls and asks her why I'm talking about this on my blog?

Imitation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

I'm settling the kids down for their naps.  Sophie usually has a "quiet time" in my bed since she shares a room with Gideon and keeps him up the whole time.

Sophie snuggles down into my bed with her dozen dolls and grabs the sleep mask I use when I sleep.  Nesting herself into all of the pillows on the bed, she puts the mask over her eyes.

Me:  "Are you going to sleep with Mama's mask?"

Sophie:  "Niy-niy!"

What a little cutie.  She's imitating her Mama!

I kiss her sweet little forehead.

Me:  "OK.  I love you, sweetie."

Sophie:  "I SAY NIY-NIY!"

*blink*

Me:  (under my breath)  "Have a pleasant nap, Missie Sahib."

Get Out Of Jail Free

I'm sitting on the couch with Gideon snuggled under my arm.  We soon realize that he's asleep and it's time to move him back to his crib for a nap.  Ben comes over to pick him up and Gideon rolls over and snuggles onto my chest.  My heart bursts into a million pieces and I hold my little man closer.


Me:  "Awww...you look so cute and you're so sweet!  Just for that you won't get in trouble the first time you wreck the car!"

Ben:  "THAT'S IT!  Give him to me!"

Ben hikes him up and mutters "Don't listen to your mother!" as he carries my baby away.

Mama has Fun With Color

Things That Made Me Smile

Watching Sophie knock on the door of the Little People Ark and announce loudly "Come in!"

Watching Milly take two wobbly steps and then drop to the floor to crawl psychotically fast to what she wants.

Looking around frantically for Gideon only to find him lying behind the couch cushion where I usually sit almost totally camouflaged.

Target Tantrum

*sigh*

Yesterday, I was That Mom.

Sophie and I had gone to Target to get just a few things.  Meaning we went into Target with a list of 5 things and left with a cartful of stuff.  That's just what you do at Target.  We had just come into the store and Sophie was acting very good.  She held my hand through the parking lot, counted the handicapped signs and tried to pick up the giant red ball at the front like she always does.  We picked out a cart - Sophie requested the red one and I complied - and headed into the store.  Sophie trotted beside me with a grin on her face.  All is going well.

Then came that dadgum Dollar Spot.

Now I love that Dollar Spot.  We find all sorts of cheap crap there.  Sophie loves funky socks and I regularly pick out 4 to 6 pairs every few months for her because I don't care if they get lost or fall apart.  We found 2 pairs of Minnie Mouse socks for Sophie and 2 pairs of Mickey socks for Gideon.  Great.  Now Mama's ready to leave and do the rest of the shopping.

Sophie has different ideas.

I take her hand and begin walking away and she somehow makes herself triple in weight.  Seriously, she just willed her kidneys to turn to lead or something.  So I tried the method of OK, I'm going to just leave you here!

Lalalala!  Mama's walking away!

...

I glance back after 20 feet and Sophie is standing there.  Defiant o'Pigtails with her arms firmly crossed over her chest and her little pigeon toed feet planted.

About that time, my Mama calls.  I answer the phone and tell her what her precious gem of a granddaughter is doing.  She tells me to go over and put her in the cart.  I sigh and turn the cart around.  The Little Nutjob just glares me down as I approach.  As soon as I touch her arm, she goes completely boneless.

"Mama, I have to go.  Your granddaughter is a jellyfish."

So, without ceremony, I haul my defiant little nutjob jellyfish up and dump her into the red cart.  As I begin to push the cart down the aisle with a now scream-fake sobbing mental patient nearing 11, I lean down and whisper what every mother has said...

"I hope you have a daughter someday JUST LIKE YOU."

2011 Movie Review and 2012 Previews

MOVIES

2011:

Thor
Captain America
X-Men First Class

This was a banner year for superhero movies.  I enjoyed every one of these movies but, if pressed to choose, I would take Captain America as my favorite.  That's taking into account my previous deep dislike of Chris Evans so that's saying A LOT.  That man drives me bonkers and I still enjoyed every minute of this movie.  Thor was a pretty movie; not a lot in the way of story but very nice to watch.

No, Jessica, I don't just mean Chris Hemsworth's pectoral muscles.

Although those were very nice.

X-Men did a good job introducing the mutants that I hold so near and dear to my heart.  James McAvoy is a wonderful young Charles Xavier with just the right amount of arrogance and intelligence.  Michael Fassbender is heartbreaking as Erik Lensherr.  I like movies that make me rethink how I feel about villains and this one did.  I really hope they make this into a trilogy to go with the Singer movies.


Super 8

*sigh*

Oh, Jaybrams.  Dude, I really want to like your movies.  I liked Alias...the first two seasons and some select episodes of the remaining seasons.  Star Trek made me weep with geeky tears of joy.  Lost held my attention for more time than many other TV shows.  I'm enjoying Person of Interest but we'll talk about that later.

I just couldn't get into Super 8.  Kids that know a secret!  Single dad who wants to know the truth!  The military is hiding something!  The girl is gonna kiss him!  WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!

Honey, please just let M. Night Shyamalan be M. Night Shymalan and go back to working on the Star Trek sequels.

Moneyball

At first I agreed to go see this movie because I knew my husband wanted to see it.  Math and baseball combined?  Dude, my husband is THERE.  I actually ended up liking it.  Good story, easy to follow during the technical parts and awesome actors.  I would gladly watch this movie again and I'm even considering skimming the book sometime.
 
Bridesmaids
Cowboys and Aliens
The Muppets
Sherlock Holmes
MI4
Iron Lady

These are all movies that came out in 2011 that I have not yet gotten to see but have every intention of watching.


2012:

John Carter

Dude.  Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.  This movie is going to be so cool.  The movie is based on A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs who also created Tarzan.  The story is basically about a Confederate veteran who is mysteriously taken to Mars and caught in a battle with two races of Martians.

How can that NOT sound interesting?!


The Hunger Games

I've already talked about how much I enjoyed the books and I only have one thing to say about the movies.

PLEASE, GET IT RIGHT.


Don't lighten it up.  Don't pretty up Katniss.  Don't take out too much.  Don't make Cinna overwhelming.  Don't make the Arena any less terrifying.

Just let it be.

The Avengers

Sweet mother of all that is Holy and Geekified.  "Looking forward to this movie" cannot convey all of my emotions.  Every time I watch the trailers, I get goosebumps and I squeal.  I analyze screencaps to see what might be important.  I study the backgrounds of the characters.  I'm going into this one READY.

The Dark Knight Rises

"Oh Kelly, another geek movie?"

WHAT SITE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE READING?!

Chris Nolan is finishing his Batman trilogy.  Gary Oldman, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are all amazing in these movies.  Even Christian Bale makes a good Batman and I really never believed that he could.  Anne Hathaway is the sultry Selena Kyle.  This movie is going to rock my argyle socks off.

The Hobbit

I read The Hobbit for the first time when I was in eighth grade and now I have almost the whole book memorized.  Peter Jackson is coming back after 10 years from The Fellowship of the Ring and putting his spin on this glorious tale.  I'll be there to make sure Kili and Fili are as feisty, that Balin is as loyal, that Thorin is as fierce and that The Battle of the Five Armies is as epic as I remember.

2011 Book Reviews and 2012 Previews

2011:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan

Let's take these two series together.  I loved these books.  In fact, when reading the first series the third time, I realized that I liked them better than the Harry Potter books.  That's saying quite a bit.  If you are a fan of Greek and Roman mythology and like YA fiction then I have no idea why you aren't at the library, bookstore or on an e-book site right this second.  You must have these books in your life.  You must know the story of Percy, Annabeth and loveable Tyson.

The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan

After falling so in love with the Percy Jackson series, I found and read the first two books in the Kane Chronicles.  I wasn't as impressed by these books but they are still good.  These books are based on Egyptian mythology.  After reading these I truly wonder if Riordan is gearing up for a Norse mythology series.  I would totally snap that up.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

WOW.  I read the first book on my Kindle after hearing about 9 gazillion friends tell me that this is a life changing series.  I plowed through the first book and then bought and devoured the last two all within two days.  I gave myself a few days to process the books and then spent two more days reading them again.  I read this whole trilogy about 10 times during 2011 and will probably read it even more through 2012.  I will give these books to my kids when they are ready.  There is no age limit to me.  These are difficult books to read in subject matter.  I'll gauge how ready the kids are and introduce them when I believe they are ready.  I could see these becoming required reading in schools at some point if they aren't already.

The Seven Realms by Cinda Williams Chima

Before Thanksgiving, I was whining on Facebook about having nothing new to read.  A friend pointed me to this YA fantasy series and now I am in her debt.  Chima has created a world of royalty, clans and wizards.  There are traders, craftspeople and hunters in the clans.  She weaves a story of warriors fighting for their lands; some with magic and some so opposed to magic that they kill anyone with a trace of wizardry.  There is a line of queens ruling the land and the books focus on the latest heir.  I was entranced with this new world and read quickly through the three books.  I love authors that create a new world for me to explore.

The Redemption Series by Karen Kingsbury

This is a 5-book series about the Baxter family written by Christian author Karen Kingsbury.  I read these books because they were on the Kindle I was graceously given by my MIL when she upgraded.  They are very easy to read and great for people that like warm-fuzzy books where the family overcome hardships with grace, love and family togetherness.

YACK.

I read them because they were there, I was bored and I had a newborn so I couldn't turn pages.  If this is your thing, then go for it.  I will only poke a tiny bit of fun at you if I know you well enough.

2012:

Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan
The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan

The third book in the Heroes of Olympus series is being released in fall of 2012.  The third book in the Kane Chronicles trilogy will be released in the spring of 2012.

GET CRACKING RIORDAN.  ALSO BE THINKING ABOUT THAT WHOLE NORSE MYTHOLOGY THING.

Divergent by Veronica Roth
Insurgent by Veronica Roth

A teen thriller trilogy set in dystopian Chicago.  Chicago is divided into five "factions" all representing a different virtue.  When children turn 16, they must take a test and choose a faction.  The trilogy follows a young girl named Beatrice who just turned 16.  I am on this like stink on Gideon's butt.

Inheritance by Christopher Paolini


It took him what felt like 385 years but that little butthead finally finished this series.  Now I just have to read the last book and find out what happens to Eragon and Saphira.

I say butthead affectionately.  I love this series and Paolini brought dragons back to the public eye.  Dragons are awesome.

 The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure


As did nearly every other young girl in America, I read the Little House books.  I still read the Little House books and I can't wait to read them to my kiddos.  Sophie has already listened to a chapter here and there.  Wendy McClure took this to a new level and wrote a book dedicated to figuring out the truth and fiction surrounding Laura Ingalls Wilder and the Little House books.  The woman made a green pumpkin pie, for crying out loud!


There are, of course, more books that I plan to read in 2012.  I'm set up on Goodreads and have set a goal of 50 books for the year.  Honestly, I would love to blow that out of the water but you never can tell when you're the mother of three.

2011 Review

January: Sophie turns 3. Milly is born full term. NO NICU. Sophie adores her sister. Gideon thinks that I've brought home some sort of elaborate baby doll. I begin getting up at night again with a baby and fall in love with infomercials all over again. How I got through her first few months without buying Pajama Jeans and a GT Xpress Redi Set Go is totally beyond me.

February: I begin this blog! I had a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler. Everything goes hazy. The heater breaks during the coldest month in Texas and we spend a few days at my grandma's house until everything gets sorted out with my landlord. Things start to get dark as I struggle to keep my head above water. Hillsong's The Greatness of Our God becomes the song I turn to whenever I need to remember that God is always bigger than my problems. Also, Milly meets the sling for the first time and I begin to wonder if my children are part marsupial.

March: Sophie and Gideon start Mother's Day Out. I find a new psychiatrist and go back on meds. The haze begins to lift. I get time alone with my newborn. It's easier to clean the house and get to church. Sophie begins to talk more and Gideon comes out of his shell at MDO. My babies know how to play with other kids!

April: Milly begins smiling! She's so beautiful! She still has all of her hair and it gets curly after a bath. On the 18th, she rolls over from her tummy to her back for the first time. My third baby and I'm still mesmerized by how my baby learns. She sleeps through the night and doesn't spit up too much after we've switched her to a new formula. She babbles all of the time. At the end of the month, Gideon spends two days at Children's Legacy with breathing problems. I'm fed up by this point and determined to find a doctor to give me a proactive solution for my baby boy. I still remember one Sunday morning when I took the girls to church and Ben stayed home with Gideon. During the service, my song (Greatness of Our God) played and I dropped to the floor as I sobbed to God to help my baby.

May: The Plague descends upon the Dyer household. Ear infections all around for the kids, bronchitis for Mama and Ben gets a Severe Man Cold. Holy macaroni, it's a tough few weeks but we get through it and come out on the other side just in time for Ben to go on his first business trip. Three days alone with the kids! OH BOY. Beyond my wildest expectations, the kids are complete angels. They go to Mother's Day Out, eat their dinners and go to bed without fussing. I even try to invite Sophie to stay up late and hang out with Mama and then sleep in Mama's bed! Fun! Girl time! Sleepover! This is met with a firm NO and a reminder that we not deviate from routine. (Honestly, Mother.) Finally, finally, FINALLY we see a doctor who diagnoses Gideon with asthma. My baby has a daily inhaler that lets him breathe! He's a different kid within a week! I know that no mother would ever wish asthma on their children but I'm just grateful that we have an answer. Milly begins teething and it pisses her off ROYALLY. The kids "participate" in their first Easter Egg Hunt and are completely flummoxed by the concept. They are given Pity Eggs from other kids. Gideon tries to eat the plastic eggs. When they are found to be inedible he turns them into grenades. Ben and I celebrate our 4th anniversary. We kiss a lot. Ben's parents come to Dallas for a few days and proclaim Milly acceptable.

June: I turn...26. Let's say 26. We have family pictures taken by the fabulous Jenn Weis. They are amazing and I commit to getting family pictures done once a year. Milly begins to scoot and army crawl. I move everything up a shelf. I try to potty train Sophie and she pees on Milly's head. Sophie is not ready for potty training. We begin to think that something more than a speech delay is wrong with Sophie. Gideon turns two and my heart breaks a little. Milly is introduced to solid food in the form of cereal and yogurt. She gobbles it down, grabs for the spoon and screeches at me when I go too slow. I begin making my own baby food again.

July: Milly rolls over from her back to her tummy. Now she looks like she's on a hot dog cooker. She can army crawl or roll to where she wants to go. Three mobile kids are making me want that third eye in the back of my head that every mother claims. Sophie discovers that forts are really cool and I begin saving giant boxes. She also goes to her first pool party and we discover that she is a water baby! Why can't that translate to the bath when I have to wash her hair?! My best friend had her first and long-awaited baby boy. I was there at the hospital in the middle of the night to wait and greet him. It's the first time I've been on that side of the situation and it was interesting to experience. Sophie said "I love you" for the first time. Ben and I freak out and beg her to repeat it as often as possible.

August: Milly has cut two teeth and can sit up on her own. She is a really easy baby until her teeth make her mad and she Hulks out. Then we run for the Baby Orajel before the house shifts to the left again. To bookend Texas weather, the A/C decides to break during the hottest summer we've had in decades. We spend days at my mother's house while we struggle with the repairs and landlord again. Sophie is going through a Naked Phase and I say a silent prayer every single time we leave the house that everything stays on her body until we get home. Once we get home, I don't care as long as her non-potty-trained butt is diapered. Her only obsession is with socks. I regularly have a naked, diapered 3 year old roaming my house with a Cookie Monster sock on one foot and an Elmo sock on the other foot. Sometimes she's wearing her black patent Mary Janes. I begin watching the 2005 reboot of Doctor Who and become a certified Whovian. David Tennant is my Doctor. At the end of the month, Milly begins pulling up and I start pulling out my hair. Gideon is my quiet little man with a maniacal oral fixation. He chews almost through the PS3 cord and every single wood item we own has bite marks around his height. His crib looks like we raise beavers. I join and become completely obsessed with Pinterest.

September: Sophie is speaking more and doing well at MDO. However, she still needs more help. We are researching Pediatric Developmental Doctors and try to get her enrolled into GISD for speech classes. This develops into a HUGE ordeal with more paperwork than I ever imagined could exist. Ben turns 32. I actually get crafty and MAKE something for his birthday. Pinterest Addiction has actually paid off! Milly pulls up and begins cruising around the furniture. Holy Moly, three mobile kids are a lot of work!

October:Milly can sit in a high chair and feed herself! Kinda. Sorta. OK, we find a lot of stuff in her lap but some delicious morsels make it into her mouth and she's very proud! We make the difficult decision to take the kids out of MDO. The time and money is just not there. I'm medicated and ready to entertain the kiddos at home. If and when we get a second car then we will revisit the idea of MDO for Gideon and possibly Milly. Sophie will hopefully begin some sort of school to help her with her speech and developmental delays. Baseball season begins and Ben discovers that Milly is the Rangers' lucky charm. Milly has a lot of late bedtimes waiting for "one more inning". Sophie has found a new love in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and adores Daisy. We take the kids to the Disney Store for the first time. Sophie leaves with a large Daisy doll and does not put her down for about a week and a half. Gideon leaves with Pluto and even Milly grabbed a small Jessie doll. It's fun to see the kids eyes get wide as they see their favorite characters in a store where they can hold them and take them home. Milly begins babbling with a purpose and her first word is Mama. I am now two for one. (Sophie is the only one who said Dada first.) We take the kids to the Mesquite Lake Pointe Fall Festival. Everything goes surprisingly well!

November: We're gearing up for a trip to Arizona at Thanksgiving so the majority of the month is making lists and checking them twice. Gideon gets his first haircut and the building is still standing. I only cried a little. We have a get-together with my mother's side of the family and I'm reminded again how blessed I am and how nuts my family can be. Milly finally says Dada but NEVER around her DADA! Ben and I pay off the Volvo S80 we bought the first year we were married. It may not work but it's ours and we're grateful. We spend the 19th and the 20th traveling to Arizona with three kids. How we didn't end up tossing them at Nana and Grampie and then checking into the nearest Mental Institution is still beyond me. The kids are overjoyed to see their grandparents and great-grandparents and the weather is wonderful. On Thanksgiving Day, Ben is felled with a stomach virus. The grandparents take the kids while I stay at the hotel to care for Ben. Great-Grammie is also sick. When they bring the kids back that night, we find out that Gideon barfed all over his Grampie. He barfs again when he gets back to the hotel. Milly saves the day by saying Dada to her Daddy for the first time while in his lap. The next day, I'm sick and my MIL is sick. The grandparents take the kids while Ben takes me back to the hotel. The day we leave, Grampie and Great-Grampie are sick. Gideon barfs AGAIN in the hotel on the way home. Only Sophie and Milly manage to dodge the bug. Dyer Thanksgiving 2011 goes down in history.

December: Gideon is still having some freaky stomach problems. I take him off of dairy products to see if he is lactose-intolerant and it gets worse. Diaper changes become terrifying to my baby boy. Milly begins standing all by herself. She also becomes a dedicated thumb sucker. Sometimes, when the teething gets bad, then she'll take a pacifier. She has little bite marks all over her right thumb that make me cringe every time. We finish the last can of formula and switch her over to regular milk without a fuss. No diaper problems, no YUCK WHAT IS THIS, no drama. She prefers her milk warmed and really likes warm chocolate milk. On December 17th, Milly takes her first steps. She's only taken a few steps since then. We think it's because it's too unstable and slow. She's a speed crawler and has no time for walking. There's older siblings to chase! Christmas goes off without a hitch. I receive a new Kindle from my love with a handmade BY HIM cover! HE GOT CRAFTY. The kids got new toys including a Little People Ark and Sesame Street figurines. It's funny to watch them put Super Grover at the front of the Ark and think "Wow. That ark is DOOMED." The indoctrination also continued in the form of Texas A&M Reveille and the Texas Rangers Captain Pillow Pets. The girls wore matching Christmas sweater dresses and were the most adorable things on Earth. Sophie was accepted by a Developmental Pediatric Practice and will see them for the first time in January. Ben and I spent the last night of 2011 with steaks and Big Bang Theory.

2011, you were full of laughter, tears, surprises, sickness, healing and love.

2012, I can't wait to see what God has in store.

Grateful

There are people that have wanted children for years that have never seen two lines on a pregnancy test.

I've seen three born safely to my arms.

There are people who mourn loved ones that are in other states, other countries and are sometimes in danger.

My family is under one roof; safe and sound.

There are mothers who cry today because they don't know how they will feed their children.

There is not just food in my kitchen but special lactose-free food so that my son doesn't get sick.

There are wives that look at their husband and wonder if he truly loves them. Some of them know that he doesn't and even know the other woman's name.

My husband is faithful to God first and me second.

There are people who cannot worship God in public for fear of persecution. They struggle everyday with the balance of leading others to God and staying safe.

I have a wonderful church home where I can worship with friends and family.

No matter what happens this Christmas season, I will be grateful for all that I have. This includes a loving God who sent His only Son to live as a man so that I could understand Him better. A God that cries with me when I cry, who cheers with me when I succeed and who lifts me back onto my feet with a kiss when I fall.

Merry Christmas.

Now go eat some cookies.

Mama is a Lumberjack

Excuse You

(Ben is out running errands this afternoon and the other kids are asleep. I'm in my bed with Sophie trying to take a nap and convince her to do the same.)

*LOUD GINORMOUS FART THAT RATTLES THE BED*

*Sophie giggles*

Me: "Sophie, say excuse me."

Sophie: "Dada!"

Me: "It wasn't Dada."

Sophie: "DADDY!"

Me: "I heard it come out of your butt. It shook the whole blanket."

Sophie: *very insistent* "DAAADAAAA!"

Me: "Sophia, Daddy isn't even in the house! He's not even in the same city!"

Sophie: "IT DADA!!!!"

Me: *sigh* "Fine. Daddy tooted. Now go to sleep."

Sophie: "Ew."

Don't Blink

I'm trying to create a freezer stash of meals and meal prep stuff. Yesterday I made spicy black beans in the crockpot and today I browned about 4 pounds of ground beef into taco beef. These will be portioned out and frozen ready to pull out and make quick dinners. I have to do it a little at a time because of the three maniacal kids at my feet.

I was reminded of that today when I came out of the kitchen and found Milly with her head in the fireplace.

She had climbed up and over the blockade of pillows, the brick hearth and some small boxes that were in her way.

My daughter is a mountain goat. Please send lots of Visine. I'm never blinking again.

Parenting Pet Peeves

OK, I know I've totally skipped over the Arizona Thanksgiving Car Trip Extravaganza and I PROMISE that I'm going to tell you all about it. It's going to take some time and I'm just now getting to the point where I can tell the story without cringing and hiding in a corner with a bucket as a helmet and a makeshift sword.

So, for now, let's talk about the irritating things our kids do.

My two oldest still use sippy sups. Sophie knows how to use a regular cup but I won't let her take it around the house because I don't like cleaning milk off of every single surface including the ceiling.

Gideon still takes regular cups and dumps them over his head like he's in the bath instead of at Chili's.

I lovingly fix my darlings sippy cups every morning; regular milk for Sophie since she doesn't like chocolate and chocolate milk (now soy milk) for Gideon. Gideon has been showing signs of lactose intolerance so we're trying to wean him over. What better way than with the dark lusciousness of chocolate?

Sophie takes her cup and babbles happily through her clothes change and then goes to greet her sister and her toys.

When I hand Gideon his cup, he drains almost everything and then you can almost see the cup evaporate into thin air. I sigh and wonder where I'm going to find it this time.

2 weeks later under the couch?
4 days later under his crib?
6 hours later behind a couch cushion?

ALL OF THESE HAVE HAPPENED.

He drinks some and then just stashes the cup. I try to watch him like a hawk to see where the cup will land but, well I have two other children who already know 867,946 ways to kill themselves and each other with household objects.

When we move from this house I expect to find sippy cups in every single room of the house. Some will have cheese and some will have wine. Perfect for a going away party.

Crockpot Broccoli Cheese Soup

Remember my earlier post about crockpot soups and stews when I said that I wanted a broccoli cheese soup?

SWEET FRENCH MONKEY PANTS, I HAVE FOUND IT.

It begins with Crockpot 365. I tweaked her recipe a little after looking at the reviews and knowing what Ben and I like.

Without further ado...

The Stuff:
1 qt chicken broth
2 cups milk (I used 2% cow's)
2 10 oz bags of frozen broccoli florets
2 tsp onion powder
2 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp black powder
1 lb Velveeta, cubed
2 cups of shredded cheese (I used cheddar and colby jack.)
2 tbsp cornstarch

The Process:
Let's start with the chicken broth. I don't make my own. I don't usually buy cans or boxes.

I almost always use this stuff.



Curse me if you must, but it's easy and I like the taste.

So! 1 quart is 4 cups. 4 cups of chicken broth go in your crockpot. Then goes 2 cups of milk. Whisk it around and add your seasonings. Honestly, I took a stab at the amounts. I truly just add what seems "right". Whisk everything around again and dump in all of your broccoli. Then stir and set your crockpot on Low.

20 minutes before dinner, go back to your crockpot and savor the loveliness of broccoli simmering in chickeny milk. Drop your cheese into the crockpot and stir again. Let it melt away.

When you're ready to eat, take a taste of the soup. Is is too thin? Take that 2 tablespoons of cornstarch and stir in 2 tablespoons of COLD water. I really can't emphasize that COLD enough. Cornstarch does not dissolve in warm or hot water. It will just leave friendly little grits all through your soup. What you have now is called a "slurry".

Look how much you're learning!

Pour the cornstarch slurry into the soup, turn the crockpot on High and leave the top off. Let it cook for a while until it gets a little thicker.

Then...you may eat the wonderful, glorious, incredible concoction that we so enjoyed tonight. I had a huge bowl and was completely stuffed but still wanted more. Even Ben, my carnivore husband, gleefully devoured two bowls and proclaimed it amazing.

That means a lot coming from someone as bacon addicted as he.

My Blessings

In the morning when you rise
I bless the sun, I bless the skies
I bless your lips, I bless your eyes
My blessing goes with you

In the nighttime when you sleep
Oh I bless you while a watch I keep
As you lie in slumber deep
My blessing goes with you

Does every mother weep as she thinks of her children sleeping peacefully in their beds? They're safe and warm. They're cuddled with their favorite blankets and animals or babies. They're fed and clean. They're safe.

When your weary heart is tired
If the world would leave you uninspired
When nothing more of love's desired
My blessing goes with you

When the storms of life are strong
When you're wounded, when you don't belong
When you no longer hear my song
My blessing goes with you

Is it because we know that we'll have to let them go? That we can't always tuck them in and smooth the hair back from their foreheads? That we can't always know what they've eaten that night? Are they having good dreams or are they worried about something? I won't be able to pick them up when they cry out in the night.

This is my prayer for you
There for you, ever true
Each, every day for you
In everything you do

And when you come to me
And hold me close to you
I bless you
And you bless me, too.

The Blessing
Celtic Woman

They have blessed me by just existing. Therefore, I will bless them by praying daily for them. I will weep for them. I will cheer them on. I will forever be their Mama.

All Hail the Crockpot!

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY CROCKPOT.

Seriously, this is my go-to appliance in the kitchen. I don't think I could live without one or maybe five of them. As Dallas grows nippier, my thoughts begin to turn to stews and soups. Possibly with lovely biscuits, crusty rolls or cornbread. Here are some of my basics.

LENTIL STEW

The Stuff
1 pound dry lentils
1 pound smoked sausage, diced
1 can sliced white potatoes, drained
1 can sliced carrots, drained
1 10 ounce can tomato sauce
4 cups chicken broth
1 bay leaf
2 tsp kosher salt
2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp onion powder
2 tsp garlic powder

The Process:
Add to crockpot. Turn on Low. Walk away. Remove bay leaf and enjoy in 6 - 8 hours. Too thick? Add water or chicken broth. Too thin? Cook on high with the lid off for a while.

Chicken Tortilla Stew

The Stuff
3 - 4 chicken breasts or thighs
1 15 ounce can diced tomatoes with peppers (Rotel)
1 10 ounce can tomato sauce
1 26 oz box chicken stock
1 packet taco seasoning
1 can undrained corn kernels
1 can undrained black beans
1 can undrained chili beans

The Process:
Add to crockpot. Turn on Low. Walk away. Enjoy in 6 - 8 hours. Serve over crushed tortilla chips and shredded cheese. Chop up an avocado and savor the cold versus hot. Add sour cream on top or some chopped scallions and cilantro if you're feeling fancy.

I'm on the lookout for some crockpot recipes for broccoli cheese soup, baked potato soup and a decent Texas chili. (NO BEANS.) Any suggestions?

Loner

I have tried to get Sophie to nap today. It did not go well and ended with her leaping from my bed after 45 minutes of tantrums. Now she wanders the house.

Sophie: "Gibbon?" (This is how she says Gideon.)

Me: "Sorry, kiddo. He's napping."

Sophie: "Oh. Nih-nih, Gibbon. Mei-Mei?!"

Me: "Also napping."

Sophie: "Oh...ni-ni, Mei-Mei."

*crestfallen sigh as she goes to play by herself.*

Sorry, kid. EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS NAPPING BUT YOU. LEARN FROM THEM.

Fajita YUM

When it comes to Tex-Mex, I almost always choose something with fajita beef. Nachos, quesadillas, tacos or just plain ole' fajitas. (Onions only, please.)

We have a wonderful place here in Sachse called Chiloso. There's another location in Richardson. It's your basic taco, BOB, Tex-Mex joint with 2 glorious pillars of delight.




The grilled avocados loaded with meat, cheese and cilantro.



See that little cup of white sauce? That's Bella Blanca. It's a delicious blend of jalapenos, lime and ranch.

Last week, I ordered the grilled avocados for the first time. I loaded them with fajita beef. They came with queso underneath and I drizzled Bella Blanca on top. I then swooned with every bite.

I tried to recreate something similar at home. I made fajita beef and added sliced mushrooms with this marinade that I tweaked from One Sassy Chef.

1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tsp garlic powder (I was out of real garlic)
2 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp liquid smoke flavoring (any flavor works, but I like hickory the best)
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp cumin

Don't marinate the mushrooms too long. They're little sponges! Then I just sauteed everything together and added some black beans.

Why?

Because I like black beans and I knew my husband wasn't going to touch this concoction because of the fungus infestation.

After everything was sauteed together, I pulled it out of the pan and put the avocado halves in with the skin still on. I put the pan lid on to kinda steam them. After a few minutes, I pulled them out and cut the avocado away from the skin while saying OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW because I couldn't do it with an oven mitt on.

I laid the avocado on the plate and liberally covered it with the steak-mushroom-bean concoction. It didn't taste like Chiloso but it tasted like mine. It's a keeper and I'm really enjoying the leftovers today with another fresh avocado. (Not grilled.)

Go forth and experiment!

Lord, Give Me Strength

You know what happens when you have kids close together?

You have two kids go through picky stages at the same time.

Sophie and Gideon ate nothing but tortillas at dinner last night and are now both refusing breakfast. They're drinking milk. I'm going to have to get some sort of Carnation Instant Breakfast to start putting in their morning milk to get some calories into them.

Milly, however, is looking at me like "Is that toast? Can I have another piece? I think I popped another button on my onesie!"