I really should be in bed.
I'm still sick. I'm on better meds now but I'm still recovering. All of the doctors tell you to push fluids and get as much rest as possible. That would be easy if I didn't have three young children.
Tomorrow I have to get up early, pack three different bags, take Ben to work, take Sophie to school, take Milly to my sister's and then try to get Gideon into the pediatrician.
Instead of going to sleep, I'm up thinking angry thoughts. Tired, weepy, frustrated, overwhelmed thoughts.
I will never be able to live up to everyone's expectations. I'm always going to disappoint someone. I have to be OK with that. I have to know that there is only One that will ever love me no matter what. I can never be too stupid, too needy, too wrong for God.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Please, God, let me believe this.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Plague
It began with a sniffle.
I think it was Gideon. He had a runny nose two weeks ago. He was also drooling and had random low grade fevers. I brushed it off as teething and dosed him with ibuprofen whenever he needed it. Then he started coughing and Sophie started sniffing. Gideon got through it first and Sophie followed quickly. They are both back to normal. Milly and I got sick around the same time last week. I took her to the pediatrician last Wednesday and found out that she had her first ear infection. I went to the clinic and came out with a sinus infection diagnosis. Ben and I juggled wildly as we pushed fluids, made our kids sleep and generally tried to make them well. Milly is finishing her antibiotic and still has a shade of a cough but is feeling much better.
Then there's Mom.
This weekend was bad. On Saturday night, I spiked a fever and began coughing. HARD. It's that deep, nasty chest cough that makes people back away from you in public. Mother's Day was supposed to be spent at church with a Parent/Child Dedication where we would dedicate Milly alongside our friends. Instead, I stayed in bed until 1:00. I'm killing tree after tree with my tissue usage. Green tea with honey is AMAZING.
As evidenced by the births of my children, nothing leaves my body without a production. This cold/sinus infection/Martian Death Plague is no different. There will be a full orchestra. There will be Chinese acrobats. There will be daredevil bike riders jumping over flaming pools of sharks and monkeys with kazoos playing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" while a Spandex-clad choir sings along in Russian while making jazz hands.
I think my medicine is kicking in.
I think it was Gideon. He had a runny nose two weeks ago. He was also drooling and had random low grade fevers. I brushed it off as teething and dosed him with ibuprofen whenever he needed it. Then he started coughing and Sophie started sniffing. Gideon got through it first and Sophie followed quickly. They are both back to normal. Milly and I got sick around the same time last week. I took her to the pediatrician last Wednesday and found out that she had her first ear infection. I went to the clinic and came out with a sinus infection diagnosis. Ben and I juggled wildly as we pushed fluids, made our kids sleep and generally tried to make them well. Milly is finishing her antibiotic and still has a shade of a cough but is feeling much better.
Then there's Mom.
This weekend was bad. On Saturday night, I spiked a fever and began coughing. HARD. It's that deep, nasty chest cough that makes people back away from you in public. Mother's Day was supposed to be spent at church with a Parent/Child Dedication where we would dedicate Milly alongside our friends. Instead, I stayed in bed until 1:00. I'm killing tree after tree with my tissue usage. Green tea with honey is AMAZING.
As evidenced by the births of my children, nothing leaves my body without a production. This cold/sinus infection/Martian Death Plague is no different. There will be a full orchestra. There will be Chinese acrobats. There will be daredevil bike riders jumping over flaming pools of sharks and monkeys with kazoos playing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" while a Spandex-clad choir sings along in Russian while making jazz hands.
I think my medicine is kicking in.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Chicken Horror
I just put my very first whole chicken in the oven. I've been cooking for years but I've never made a whole chicken. This was a VERY different experience for me.
It started with this recipe. I've used it on chicken breasts and it's wonderful. Then Albertsons put their whole chickens on sale for 49 cents a pound. Frugal Kelly couldn't resist and bought three. (The limit they would sell.) Today, after the kids went down for their naps, I began the battle.
I started by mixing the spices with butter to create a rub. Then I sliced an onion to make an edible rack for my roasting pan. So far, so good.
Then, I faced the chicken.
Carefully, I opened the package and watched horrified as what seemed like 16 legs squirted out. Gingerly, I picked up the chicken and began to try to wash it inside and out. (As my mother had instructed me.) It was like trying to wash a soaped up, shaved howler monkey. I could not keep my hands on that thing! Then I peered into the depths of the...honestly, I don't know what end of the chicken I was looking into and I'm happier that way. Somehow I had to reach into that thing and dig out all of the innards. I took a deep breath, recited Philippians 4:13 and plunged my hand into the bird. I felt like a magician as I pulled out hearts, kidneys, livers, lungs, pancreases SERIOUSLY LIKE 100 ORGANS. I think I got a prank bird. I think someone at Pilgrims Pride stuffed it full of 127 other chicken organs just to giggle.
Finally, I got the durn thing clean and dry. I plopped it onto the onion rack and poured on some butter / spice mix. Then I started to rub it into the chicken. All the while I'm trying not to think about what I'm doing. After all, I'm just putting butter and spices on a chicken for dinner.
I'm just rubbing the spices into the skin so it can pick up some flavor.
I'm just MASSAGING A DEAD ANIMAL WITH MY HANDS AND NOW I'M GONNA NEED A SILKWOOD SHOWER.
It's all over now. The chicken is in the oven. I've washed my hands a hundred times. I'm really looking forward to dinner.
It started with this recipe. I've used it on chicken breasts and it's wonderful. Then Albertsons put their whole chickens on sale for 49 cents a pound. Frugal Kelly couldn't resist and bought three. (The limit they would sell.) Today, after the kids went down for their naps, I began the battle.
I started by mixing the spices with butter to create a rub. Then I sliced an onion to make an edible rack for my roasting pan. So far, so good.
Then, I faced the chicken.
Carefully, I opened the package and watched horrified as what seemed like 16 legs squirted out. Gingerly, I picked up the chicken and began to try to wash it inside and out. (As my mother had instructed me.) It was like trying to wash a soaped up, shaved howler monkey. I could not keep my hands on that thing! Then I peered into the depths of the...honestly, I don't know what end of the chicken I was looking into and I'm happier that way. Somehow I had to reach into that thing and dig out all of the innards. I took a deep breath, recited Philippians 4:13 and plunged my hand into the bird. I felt like a magician as I pulled out hearts, kidneys, livers, lungs, pancreases SERIOUSLY LIKE 100 ORGANS. I think I got a prank bird. I think someone at Pilgrims Pride stuffed it full of 127 other chicken organs just to giggle.
Finally, I got the durn thing clean and dry. I plopped it onto the onion rack and poured on some butter / spice mix. Then I started to rub it into the chicken. All the while I'm trying not to think about what I'm doing. After all, I'm just putting butter and spices on a chicken for dinner.
I'm just rubbing the spices into the skin so it can pick up some flavor.
I'm just MASSAGING A DEAD ANIMAL WITH MY HANDS AND NOW I'M GONNA NEED A SILKWOOD SHOWER.
It's all over now. The chicken is in the oven. I've washed my hands a hundred times. I'm really looking forward to dinner.
Getaway
Last Wednesday Gideon and I spent the night as guests of Children's Legacy. He had an ear infection, a high fever and was struggling to breathe. I was worried about it settling in his lungs and having another pneumonia stay like last year. He had a chest x-ray, an IV steroid and a few breathing treatments. They kept him overnight for observation and the next morning everyone was satisfied that the danger had passed. Gideon went through a lot that day including a Torquemada-like device to keep him in place for the x-ray, an IV with a splint to prevent him from moving his arm and getting cathed for a urine sample that made him terrified to potty for the rest of the night. I held that kid on my chest most of the night. It reminded me of nights in the NICU. Of course, now he weighed 25 pounds instead of 6.
On Friday, we realized that I was sick too. Ben stayed home and helped get Sophie to the pediatrician and me to the clinic. Sophie has a blocked ear tube and I have a sinus infection so ear drops for her and an antibiotic for me. The whole weekend has been a blur of wiping noses, naps and sitting on children's chests to force them to take their medicine.
On Saturday, Sophie had an EPIC tantrum that lasted an hour. She fought me like the devil and then passed out in my arms. She was just tired, sick and angry. She had to take it out on someone and I offered myself. Once she was done fighting and had fallen asleep, I eased myself away from her to let her sleep. She whimpered and grabbed back at me. I put my arms around her and let her sleep in my embrace for a while. It's OK to need your Mama. Lord knows, I needed to love on my baby.
Today it's raining. We're all getting better but we're still coughing. Tempers are still a little tender. The weather and sinus infection makes my head hurt so I've taken my heavy duty medicine. Mama's a little bit zombified.
Every once and a while I put my head back and daydream about a quiet beach. A big comfy chair with an umbrella, my husband beside me, a good book and a cold drink. My bare toes buried in the warm sand.
I really like that dream.
On Friday, we realized that I was sick too. Ben stayed home and helped get Sophie to the pediatrician and me to the clinic. Sophie has a blocked ear tube and I have a sinus infection so ear drops for her and an antibiotic for me. The whole weekend has been a blur of wiping noses, naps and sitting on children's chests to force them to take their medicine.
On Saturday, Sophie had an EPIC tantrum that lasted an hour. She fought me like the devil and then passed out in my arms. She was just tired, sick and angry. She had to take it out on someone and I offered myself. Once she was done fighting and had fallen asleep, I eased myself away from her to let her sleep. She whimpered and grabbed back at me. I put my arms around her and let her sleep in my embrace for a while. It's OK to need your Mama. Lord knows, I needed to love on my baby.
Today it's raining. We're all getting better but we're still coughing. Tempers are still a little tender. The weather and sinus infection makes my head hurt so I've taken my heavy duty medicine. Mama's a little bit zombified.
Every once and a while I put my head back and daydream about a quiet beach. A big comfy chair with an umbrella, my husband beside me, a good book and a cold drink. My bare toes buried in the warm sand.
I really like that dream.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monkey Antics
Milly rolled from her belly to her back twice yesterday. She's sleeping pretty consistently through the night. She goes to bed sometime between 9:00 and 10:00 and will usually sleep until 7:00 AM. We just switched her to a thickened formula that is supposed to prevent spitting up and it has the added bonus of making her feel fuller longer. She is such a HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY baby and is always smiling. I no longer call her Murray and now call her Buddy the Elf. ("Smiling's my favorite!) She was just under 12 pounds when we went to the doctor earlier this month and is 23 inches long. She is such a chunky little thing and loves to be cuddled. She also loves to talk, talk, talk, talk, TALK, TALK, TALK, OMG WHERE IS THE OFF SWITCH ON THIS KID?! She is a delight to be around when she's not demanding to be held until she falls asleep at 2 AM. I could really do with less of that behavior.
Gideon is getting molars and they are coming in S-L-O-W-L-Y. Poor buddy just keeps drooling and gnawing on everything. It looks like we live with beavers. All of the corners on the TV cabinet are chewed and every edge on the end tables are nibbled. All of the wooden blocks look like we've run them through a dull wood chipper. He runs random fevers and cries when he hurts. He pulls at his ears and cheeks. Those big brown eyes fill with tears and look at me as if to say "Fix it, Mama!" I wish I had a way to make it all go away. All I can do is offer cold drinks, soft food and ibuprofen when it gets really bad. Then I just cuddle him to me and sing his favorite lullabye. He's also become addicted to his Daddy. I think he looked around and realized just how many girls are in this house and is now clinging to the other testosterone-riddled body that actually knows the right way to play with cars.
Sophie is flourishing at Mother's Day Out. (In my opinion.) She's getting into a routine and knows her teachers. She doesn't cry until she gets up to the door of her classroom. Instead, she gets a determined look on her little face and marches right into that church. She ignores all greetings and goes straight to her classroom and lifts her arms to her teacher. The tears bubble up a bit until the teacher reminds her that she can go color. Then she calms down and goes over to the craft table. (After a kiss goodbye to Mama.) She's still very quiet in MDO and at Sunday School. She doesn't speak around those she doesn't know. However, she's been chatty at home. She's learned her colors and likes to identify everything around her. She still throws some pretty epic tantrums but I'm trying to be patient and get to the core of what's really wrong. It's hard because she still doesn't communicate well. It's frustrating for both of us but she's more than worth it.
So that's the latest with the Dyer Monkeys. Hopefully I can figure out how to do a picture post next.
Gideon is getting molars and they are coming in S-L-O-W-L-Y. Poor buddy just keeps drooling and gnawing on everything. It looks like we live with beavers. All of the corners on the TV cabinet are chewed and every edge on the end tables are nibbled. All of the wooden blocks look like we've run them through a dull wood chipper. He runs random fevers and cries when he hurts. He pulls at his ears and cheeks. Those big brown eyes fill with tears and look at me as if to say "Fix it, Mama!" I wish I had a way to make it all go away. All I can do is offer cold drinks, soft food and ibuprofen when it gets really bad. Then I just cuddle him to me and sing his favorite lullabye. He's also become addicted to his Daddy. I think he looked around and realized just how many girls are in this house and is now clinging to the other testosterone-riddled body that actually knows the right way to play with cars.
Sophie is flourishing at Mother's Day Out. (In my opinion.) She's getting into a routine and knows her teachers. She doesn't cry until she gets up to the door of her classroom. Instead, she gets a determined look on her little face and marches right into that church. She ignores all greetings and goes straight to her classroom and lifts her arms to her teacher. The tears bubble up a bit until the teacher reminds her that she can go color. Then she calms down and goes over to the craft table. (After a kiss goodbye to Mama.) She's still very quiet in MDO and at Sunday School. She doesn't speak around those she doesn't know. However, she's been chatty at home. She's learned her colors and likes to identify everything around her. She still throws some pretty epic tantrums but I'm trying to be patient and get to the core of what's really wrong. It's hard because she still doesn't communicate well. It's frustrating for both of us but she's more than worth it.
So that's the latest with the Dyer Monkeys. Hopefully I can figure out how to do a picture post next.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Mother's Day Out
Two weeks ago, Sophie and Gideon started Mother's Day Out. They go every Wednesday and Friday from 9 to 2.
HEAVEN.
I now have days where I can make phone calls without Gideon trying to grab it from me and chatter away to the plumber. I can go to the doctor without Sophie picking up every single tongue depressor in the office while I'm getting my ears checked. I can go to the grocery store without filing the cart with kids and having only 1/4 of an inch left for actual food. I go HOURS without listening to Sesame Street songs and tantrums.
The kids are doing well, too. They really need the socialization and the time away from each other. Poor Gideon is usually at the mercy of his somewhat demanding older sister at home. If she's thirsty, she brings me both sippy cups and asks for milk or juice. Then she brings one to him, shoves it in his hands and stares at him until he drinks. At school he gets to do things his way. If he wants to play with trucks, then he plays with trucks. His teachers adore him and swoop him up every morning as soon as he gets there. He cries a little each morning but fine after a few minutes. He's loving it.
Meanwhile, Sophie is learning that she is OK if Mama is not there during the day. It's actually the first time I've seen her frightened. She's usually such a strong and determined little thing. When we pull into the parking lot, Sophie's eyes fill with tears but she doesn't make a sound. She walks beside me and goes right to her classroom. The crying gets worse as we get closer. She always turns around and lets me hug and kiss her. Still, while I know she trusts me and she knows that I'll come back, I can see that she's scared. It's very much like what I used to do when I was a kid. It's probably going to be a problem every year she goes to school. My Mama was able to teach me how to overcome my fears and I know that I can help Sophie. Her teachers describe her as "emotional". She doesn't cry all day but she's still struggling. It's going to take some time. It's a little odd to look at her and see a tiny mirror of myself.
Milly and I are having fun together. I get to spend quality time with my newborn. I was really missing that. I got that with Sophie because she was my first. When Gideon was born, Ben was at home and was able to help me get that newborn time. Now I'm able to get that with Milly.
I'm so grateful for each of my kids. Even if they do drive me nuts every now and then.
HEAVEN.
I now have days where I can make phone calls without Gideon trying to grab it from me and chatter away to the plumber. I can go to the doctor without Sophie picking up every single tongue depressor in the office while I'm getting my ears checked. I can go to the grocery store without filing the cart with kids and having only 1/4 of an inch left for actual food. I go HOURS without listening to Sesame Street songs and tantrums.
The kids are doing well, too. They really need the socialization and the time away from each other. Poor Gideon is usually at the mercy of his somewhat demanding older sister at home. If she's thirsty, she brings me both sippy cups and asks for milk or juice. Then she brings one to him, shoves it in his hands and stares at him until he drinks. At school he gets to do things his way. If he wants to play with trucks, then he plays with trucks. His teachers adore him and swoop him up every morning as soon as he gets there. He cries a little each morning but fine after a few minutes. He's loving it.
Meanwhile, Sophie is learning that she is OK if Mama is not there during the day. It's actually the first time I've seen her frightened. She's usually such a strong and determined little thing. When we pull into the parking lot, Sophie's eyes fill with tears but she doesn't make a sound. She walks beside me and goes right to her classroom. The crying gets worse as we get closer. She always turns around and lets me hug and kiss her. Still, while I know she trusts me and she knows that I'll come back, I can see that she's scared. It's very much like what I used to do when I was a kid. It's probably going to be a problem every year she goes to school. My Mama was able to teach me how to overcome my fears and I know that I can help Sophie. Her teachers describe her as "emotional". She doesn't cry all day but she's still struggling. It's going to take some time. It's a little odd to look at her and see a tiny mirror of myself.
Milly and I are having fun together. I get to spend quality time with my newborn. I was really missing that. I got that with Sophie because she was my first. When Gideon was born, Ben was at home and was able to help me get that newborn time. Now I'm able to get that with Milly.
I'm so grateful for each of my kids. Even if they do drive me nuts every now and then.
Monday, March 14, 2011
My Eldest
Sophie changed my life. Since June 25th, when those two little lines popped up on that test, I've been a different person. She came into this world with a huge amount of DRAMA. That really should have tipped me off. Here are a few Sophie stories.
SOPHIE STORY #1
Last week, Gideon was already bathed and in bed and Milly was asleep in her crib. I plunked Sophie into the tub and she started to play while I tried to wet her hair without her freaking out. (Hair washing is a big Freak Out right now.) All of the sudden, she looked up at me very seriously.
"Poop."
"Beg your pardon?"
"Poop. Yep. Poop."
She always sounds like Rainman. Sure enough, there was a floater in the tub. I hauled her out and stood her on a towel while I drained and cleaned the tub. She wrapped her arms around her and shivered while she watched.
"Sowwy!"
"It's OK, baby! You just had to go poop. We're just going to clean the tub and let you get back in."
"IS COLD!"
"I know. It's just going to take a little bit."
*peer into the tub* "Poop."
"I know, baby."
"SOWWY!"
*REPEAT 8,245 TIMES UNTIL I GET HER BACK IN THE TUB*
This is the most meaningful conversation I've had with my daughter. She pooped in the tub, she was sorry and now she was cold. Over and over until we were both giggling. I've never had so much fun in my life.
SOPHIE STORY #2
This is from Ben. He just remembered to tell me about it tonight and we both laughed until we cried. Sophie is still in her crib. We're waiting until we move to get her a big girl bed. On Sunday morning he went to get her out of bed and realized that she had gotten a hold of the box of Milly's clothes next to her crib. Sophie is also learning how to put her own clothes on and decided to give it a shot. She decided to try on her infant sister's sweater.
As pants.
That's Mommy's little genius.
SOPHIE STORY #3
Sophie has basically given up her nap but sometimes will still need to just lie down for some quiet time. She does better if I let her back in my bed and I lie down next to her. We laid down today and she snuggled down into her daddy's pillows. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep thinking it might make her be quiet and stop twirling her doll around her head. (Not so much.) Finally I just let her lie there and be quiet even if she wouldn't sleep. I turned over and the sheet fell down my arm. Before I could reach it, Sophie reached over and pulled it up to my chin. A few minutes later, I turned again and the sheet fell again. Sophie pulled it up, patted my shoulder and said "Night-night, Mama." My heart nearly burst with love for my little girl. She may be strong willed and very silly but she is so tender hearted. That combination is going to be dynamite in God's hands.
And I have a front row seat.
SOPHIE STORY #1
Last week, Gideon was already bathed and in bed and Milly was asleep in her crib. I plunked Sophie into the tub and she started to play while I tried to wet her hair without her freaking out. (Hair washing is a big Freak Out right now.) All of the sudden, she looked up at me very seriously.
"Poop."
"Beg your pardon?"
"Poop. Yep. Poop."
She always sounds like Rainman. Sure enough, there was a floater in the tub. I hauled her out and stood her on a towel while I drained and cleaned the tub. She wrapped her arms around her and shivered while she watched.
"Sowwy!"
"It's OK, baby! You just had to go poop. We're just going to clean the tub and let you get back in."
"IS COLD!"
"I know. It's just going to take a little bit."
*peer into the tub* "Poop."
"I know, baby."
"SOWWY!"
*REPEAT 8,245 TIMES UNTIL I GET HER BACK IN THE TUB*
This is the most meaningful conversation I've had with my daughter. She pooped in the tub, she was sorry and now she was cold. Over and over until we were both giggling. I've never had so much fun in my life.
SOPHIE STORY #2
This is from Ben. He just remembered to tell me about it tonight and we both laughed until we cried. Sophie is still in her crib. We're waiting until we move to get her a big girl bed. On Sunday morning he went to get her out of bed and realized that she had gotten a hold of the box of Milly's clothes next to her crib. Sophie is also learning how to put her own clothes on and decided to give it a shot. She decided to try on her infant sister's sweater.
As pants.
That's Mommy's little genius.
SOPHIE STORY #3
Sophie has basically given up her nap but sometimes will still need to just lie down for some quiet time. She does better if I let her back in my bed and I lie down next to her. We laid down today and she snuggled down into her daddy's pillows. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep thinking it might make her be quiet and stop twirling her doll around her head. (Not so much.) Finally I just let her lie there and be quiet even if she wouldn't sleep. I turned over and the sheet fell down my arm. Before I could reach it, Sophie reached over and pulled it up to my chin. A few minutes later, I turned again and the sheet fell again. Sophie pulled it up, patted my shoulder and said "Night-night, Mama." My heart nearly burst with love for my little girl. She may be strong willed and very silly but she is so tender hearted. That combination is going to be dynamite in God's hands.
And I have a front row seat.
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