Missions

Me: "Lord, there's a lot of talk at church about missions. I don't feel like I get to participate much."

God: "Oh? I've given you a specific mission. What do you mean?"

Me: "What do I mean? What do You mean? I haven't felt any tugs to go to China or Jordan or the wilds of Borneo. What am I doing to bring Your word to those that are lost? Don't you want to use me?"

God: "Honey, get up and go back to Sophie's room."

Me: "Um...OK."

*Cue me walking back to see a wild-haired Sophie chasing after her brother squealing at the top of their lungs both of them waving harmless looking toys they have learned to weaponize.*

God: "Here is your mission field."

Me: "I guess it is similar to the wilds of Borneo."

God: "Now pick up that Noah book and give it a shot."

Me: "Hey guys! Want to hear about Noah?"

Natives: *stop dead in their tracks and drop toys* "No-No? Too-ba-too? OHKAY!"

Then we read about Noah 5 times in a row.

Getting Back to my Roots

I honestly have never known if I could call myself a geek. Maybe a dork. I'm just slightly awkward and I tend to gravitate towards scifi/fantasy movies, TV and books. That being said, here's what I'm enjoying now.



I've watched the first three seasons on Netflix and I'm ready for the fourth. I totally love the idea of living in a town full of geniuses.



I am SALIVATING over this movie.



This was my Valentine's present from Ben. It's out of stock right now and I'm glad he nabbed it when he did. I've been wanting something just like this for quite some time.

When You Feel satan Winning

Shout out to Jon Acuff by giving satan the middle finger with the lowercase s.

This morning started out so great. Milly let me sleep a little more than 5 hours. That's Rip Van Winkle sleep when you have a newborn. She got up at 6:30 to eat and was finished with everything by 7:00. I took her back to our room and let her wake Daddy up by being adorable right in his face. Mentally, I was fist pumping. We had time to both take showers, get everyone up, fed and dressed and still get to church without a huge hurry. Daddy got in the shower and I laid down with Milly to wait my turn.

I was just going to rest my eyes.

At 8:30, I woke up and began the mad dash. We left the house at 9:30. The kids ate cereal bars in their carseats and Milly wasn't wearing any of the cute little headbands I bought yesterday. I didn't shower. I really wanted that shower. We threw the kids into the nursery and crept into our Life Group. For the rest of the morning, I felt like satan and I just headbutted.

I'm still in a foul mood but I feel God nudging me. Unfortunately, I'm reacting like Sophie does when she's in a bad mood. I'm ignoring Him. When He does get an arm around me then I yell, throw it off of me and tell Him to go away. I don't want to be comforted. I don't want to learn anything. I don't want to work. I don't want to be loved.

Can you guys pray that He doesn't let up? Please?

Sin is a Cancer

Steve Stroope is an amazing pastor. Every time I walk out of church I am bursting with new ideas and thoughts to wrestle with over the week. Yesterday he began a new series called " Community with God". During the sermon he made what seemed like a simple statement but it stayed with me. He was talking about how much God hates sin. He said that God hates sin the way a parent of a child with cancer hates the cancer.

This struck a chord with me because of my sister. My little sister has a life-threatening disease that affects her liver. She was diagnosed in 7th grade and has already had a liver transplant. The transplant is not a cure but really just a kind of mega-patch. The disease is still there. She takes some serious medicine to keep herself well. Before the transplant, the pills were even worse. At her worst, she lived with our parents. Every morning and night my mother would go to her with a handful of pills. These were pills that my mother knew would make her baby girl throw up, tremble, make her bones brittle, make her hair fall out, gain weight and just do awful things to her body. They would also keep her baby girl alive.

The treatment may be terrible but the disease will kill you.

God is the same way when it comes to sin in our lives. I've asked God before why He's putting me through certain trials because they hurt so badly. He's God! He could take this away! Can't he see how this is affecting me?! However, God doesn't just throw those pills at me and say DEAL WITH IT. He wraps His arms around me and tells me that it's for my own good. He cries with me when I hurt. He comforts me and tells me to hang on just a little longer. This is going to be worth it.

I watched my mother tuck quilts around my shivering sister. I watched my mother spoon broth into her mouth when her hands trembled too much to hold a spoon. I watched her sit next to hundreds of hospital beds for endless hours waiting on doctors and tests. I look back now and I can see my mother glorifying and personifying God with her actions.

Now I'm the mother holding my children down while nurses stab them in the legs with viruses. Then I get them up, wipe away their tears and tell them that I do this because I love them. I do this for their own good. Then I pray to God that He keeps giving me my pills and shots. But please keep wiping away my tears, too.

Time Out

Tuesday sent me and the girls to the doctor's office for a check-up (Milly) and a few shots (Sophie). Everyone looks good. More on all that later. My mother came over to lend me her car and watch Gideon so I just had to wrangle two children. Before she came over, I got an email from my landlord.

Here's a little background on my landlord. She lives in another country. We deal mostly through email. This is a VERY old house and it hasn't been taken care of at ALL. We've had all sorts of things break over the last 2 years. The latest was the heater last week during Dallas' ice storm. The ducts looked like they had never been cleaned since installation. Usually the landlord just tells us to take any fees out of the rent and just send her the rest of the money. We're supposed to deposit the rent check into her bank. Well...Dallas ice storm...banks have been closed. She refuses to take our money directly. I've asked, begged, pleaded and negotiated to send her a check so she'll stop freaking out every time that money is not in her account by the 1st of the month. I have no control over what the bank does! I could go on but that gives you the gist.

Anyway, I got another email from her threatening eviction if she didn't get her rent check. I emailed her back and told her that we had to pay the heater guy and that the rent check was going to be deposited. I emailed Ben and we ranted a bit about how much trouble we've had with her and with the house. We are so ready to move. We are planning to move by June 1st. While driving I gleefully thought about how she would never be able to rent such a cruddy little house and how she would be so sorry to see us go. Then God started nudging me.

"So, Kelly, you're feeling pretty good about yourself?"

"God, she's just being so unreasonable! Half of the outlets don't even work in that house and we've never complained because we knew there was nothing she could do. We were just thankful to have a roof over our family's head. But to treat us like that every month? We never pay the rent bill late!"

"I know. I'm proud that you're paying your bills on time. That's a hard lesson to learn."

"It is! I mean...I know we still have a long way to go and we're still learning how to truly be good stewards of our money but we're tithing and paying our major bills on time. I mean, that EMAIL! Did you see the email?!"

"The email? Goodness, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last decade, in a cave, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears."

"Touche, God"

"Kelly Bear, watch the road but listen to Me. I love you so much. I always love you. I even love you when you fall. Sweetheart, you still fall a lot. You're falling right now."

"What do you mean? I'm in the right! I'm paying the bills! I'm doing it all right!"

"Kelly, how many times have I said to love those that don't love you back? Those that treat you badly? Even those that hurt you?"

"...a lot."

"Are you doing that? Are you loving your landlord the way I love your landlord? She is my child, too."

"No, sir."

(By this time I am in tears. I'm also in God's lap with His arms around me. This correction is always done gently which is good because it is done often.)

"Is it time to forgive your landlord?"

"I can't do that on my own. Can you help?"

"Of course."

And that's how I forgave my landlord driving to the doctor. And again this morning.

Sports

While watching the Super Bowl last night, Sophie and Gideon were running around like maniacs. Sophie blew past Gideon without touching him and Gideon just tumbled to the ground spectacularly.

Me: "Honey, I think we can cross pee-wee football off of the list of sports Gideon is going to play."

Ben: *wearily* "I think there are a lot of sports we can cross off of that list."

Choices

Everytime I prop up a bottle to feed my baby instead of holding it myself I feel guilty.

Then today I thought "You know, if I was breastfeeding, I wouldn't be obsessively holding my boob to her face."

I feel better now.