Chicken Faux-mesan

Hello. My name is Kelly and I'm addicted to Pinterest.

I have boards for everything under the sun including one for my personal chuckles. Actually, there are two chuckle boards. I chuckle a lot.

On Pinterest I have found SO MANY different recipes that I'm ready to make and add to my collection at All Recipes. This is one that the whole family loved and is going right in my virtual cookbook. The only con Ben and I could find is that it doesn't heat up well. Leftovers get soggy on the top when chilled and reheated. The fresh from the oven casserole?

OH. EM. GEE.

Chicken Faux-mesan

The Stuff:
4 boneless chicken pieces (breasts or thighs will work)
Your favorite marinara sauce (I used a jar of Prego Veggie Smart)
Finely shredded Italian cheese blend
Parmesan cheese (I used the stuff in the green can. SUE ME.)
1 bag of garlic and herb croutons (Stay with me, folks!)

The Process:
Cube your chicken parts into bite sized pieces. Drizzle a little EVOO on the bottom of an 8x8 or 9x9 cooking vessel. I then sprinkled a little Italian seasoning over the EVOO. Scatter your chicken pieces into the casserole dish. Cover the chicken with marinara sauce. Don't drown it. Just cover it. Then put a layer of glorious cheese over the sauce. I just eyeballed it but about a 1/4 cup of Italian blend cheese and then a good shake of the parm should do it. Open those croutons and put a layer over the cheese. Then do another layer of cheese. Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes. If the top starts to get too brown then put some foil over the top. We just want that chicken to cook and the cheese to get all melty.

What you are left with is a crunchy on the top, melty-chewy on the bottom chicken parm casserole. Ben, Gideon and I all loved it. Sophie ate garlic bread and about 3 pieces of casserole.

Here's a link to the man who created this wonderful and fast dish.

Thank you from this harried mother.

Crockpot Turkey

Eventually I will have a separate place on my blog for all of my cooking posts. For now, I'm going to start putting my recipes up whenever I feel the mood is right.

Tonight, the mood is right.

Turkey is problematic. It is usually eaten only once or twice a year and is fairly tasteless. It dries out quickly. What do you do with the leftovers? I'm here to tell you that turkey doesn't have to be a once a year grind with sandwiches for the next 2 weeks.

BEHOLD! My crockpot turkey breast recipe!

The Stuff:
4 tablespoons kosher salt
2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon dried thyme
2 tablespoons black pepper
1/2 tablespoons cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 8 pound frozen turkey breast
EVOO

The Process:
Thaw your turkey in the fridge. This is going to take a while. Just ask my sister about the time she hosted Thanksgiving.

Go on. Then dodge the chair she throws at your head. She's a good shot.

Anyhoo, once you have a thawed carcass, stir all of your spices together in a small bowl. Hold this bowl far away from your nose or you will violently sneeze all over the kitchen. If this happens, try to miss the turkey. If you sneeze on the turkey, take a moment to rinse it off. Please. For the children. Smear some EVOO on your turkey and then generously rub AAAAAAALLLLL of those spices into the turkey breast.

Massage the turkey. Make sure to get all of the nooks and crannies. Don't feel weird. You're just rubbing a dead animal like a lover.

It's weird, isn't it? I really hate this part.

Get it over quick and plop that bad boy in the crockpot. Turn it on low and walk away for 8 to 10 hours. When you come back then you will have wonderful juicy meat falling from the bones. Serve with dressing, potatoes or whatever your heart desires. This got thumbs up from Ben and Gideon. Sophie is going through a vegetarian phase. Animal flesh holds no interest for her unless it comes from a pig.

Time to look up some ham recipes!

Chicken Horror

I just put my very first whole chicken in the oven. I've been cooking for years but I've never made a whole chicken. This was a VERY different experience for me.

It started with this recipe. I've used it on chicken breasts and it's wonderful. Then Albertsons put their whole chickens on sale for 49 cents a pound. Frugal Kelly couldn't resist and bought three. (The limit they would sell.) Today, after the kids went down for their naps, I began the battle.

I started by mixing the spices with butter to create a rub. Then I sliced an onion to make an edible rack for my roasting pan. So far, so good.

Then, I faced the chicken.

Carefully, I opened the package and watched horrified as what seemed like 16 legs squirted out. Gingerly, I picked up the chicken and began to try to wash it inside and out. (As my mother had instructed me.) It was like trying to wash a soaped up, shaved howler monkey. I could not keep my hands on that thing! Then I peered into the depths of the...honestly, I don't know what end of the chicken I was looking into and I'm happier that way. Somehow I had to reach into that thing and dig out all of the innards. I took a deep breath, recited Philippians 4:13 and plunged my hand into the bird. I felt like a magician as I pulled out hearts, kidneys, livers, lungs, pancreases SERIOUSLY LIKE 100 ORGANS. I think I got a prank bird. I think someone at Pilgrims Pride stuffed it full of 127 other chicken organs just to giggle.

Finally, I got the durn thing clean and dry. I plopped it onto the onion rack and poured on some butter / spice mix. Then I started to rub it into the chicken. All the while I'm trying not to think about what I'm doing. After all, I'm just putting butter and spices on a chicken for dinner.

I'm just rubbing the spices into the skin so it can pick up some flavor.

I'm just MASSAGING A DEAD ANIMAL WITH MY HANDS AND NOW I'M GONNA NEED A SILKWOOD SHOWER.

It's all over now. The chicken is in the oven. I've washed my hands a hundred times. I'm really looking forward to dinner.