Dear Children...

Dear Eldest,

Yes. That's Grover. IT'S ALWAYS GROVER. Please stop telling Mommy. Mommy's ears are tired.
In other news, poop goes in the potty. Not your panties. QUIT IT.

Love,
Earless Mommy

Dear Boy Child,

Stop stuffing HANDFULS of Goldfish in your mouth. That is why you choke. Also, naptime is from 1-3. Plan accordingly. I don't care if you fall asleep at 2:50; I'm getting you up at 3:00.

Love,
Nap Nazi Mommy

Dear Sunshine Littles,

If you are done with your food, please simply wave your hands in the air. (Whether you care or not.) Do not attempt to decorate the floor within a 2 foot radius with your leftovers. It makes spaghetti night even more annoying.

Love,
Grateful-You're-Cute Mommy

p.s. Butt cream helps your butt. Please stop eating it.

Seasons of Change

This post hit me hard this morning. The mother is talking about how all of her life it seems as though she's always waiting for the next stage.

When will I get married?
When will I have a baby?
When will the baby sleep through the night?
When will that kiddo get potty trained?

I read through the post and then stopped and looked at my babies. They're watching Sesame Street. Sophie is playing with her blocks. Milly is toddling around the room and screeching at Cookie Monster. Gideon is busily lining up his figures.

I'm impatient. I want Sophie potty trained. Like yesterday. FULLY. I want Gideon to start talking. I want Milly to stop freaking out when I leave her sight.

What am I missing?

They will never be this little again. Right now I can hold all of them. They want me to hold them. Gideon cuddles against my shoulder and wants me to sing his lullabye. Sophie curls up in my arms each night so I can rock her and sing her lullabye. Milly lurches over to me, climbs up me like I'm Everest, flings herself down on my shoulder and jams her thumb in her mouth. (No singing, please. Just rock.)

They say the cutest things. Gideon just learned how to say "rocket". He has rockets on his pajamas. Sophie can say anything you tell her to. It's really funny to make her say "Oy vey!" and then we both collapse into giggles. She calls pizza "peetzee".

Please don't ask Gideon to say "fork".

Their lives are so simple. A kiddie pool, some cups and a sunny day is the BEST DAY EVER. I'm the BEST MOM EVER for setting it up.

Lord, let me rest in this phase of life. Let me enjoy my children just as they are. They are amazing.

Hair Raising Tales

I'm done with the meltdowns when we have to brush her hair, wash her hair, get peanut butter out of her hair, look at her hair...

So tonight I did something about it.

Ben: "Holy cow, you weren't just ranting about that!"

I put Sophie's hair in a low braid and cut it off. Then I trimmed it as best I could. Now my baby looks like this:

Dear Lord, ignore my messy living room.

Hopefully this is the beginning of the end of the Hair Wars.

I Just Don't Know

Sophie is having multiple nuclear meltdowns today. It makes her incredibly sensitive brother cry. I used to be that sensitive sibling hiding when the yelling started. Now I'm the Mama who has to simultaneously calm/redirect Sophie, reassure Gideon and keep feeding Milly who is wondering where her macaroni went.

Sophie goes in the crib to calm down. Gideon gets hugged and kissed. Milly gets her macaroni. Once Gideon and Milly are done with lunch, they go down for naps. Sophie continues screaming.

Pull Sophie out. Chores will have to wait. Put her sneakers on and grab the chalk.

She's alone and outside. I'm watching from the porch. She's a different kid. I see the tension flowing out of her every time she turns her face into the wind. Sometimes she stops drawing and just stands. She's quiet. Her long hair blows all around her head because she refuses to put it up. She squints in the sunlight but her face follows the warmth.

She can't tell me why she's angry but I can fix it. A little.

Chalk and sunshine. I wish I knew what that cured.

Boogie Woogie Brain

I'm at a low point right now. I'm not even sure why it's happening. Yes, life is very stressful right now.

• We're still trying to enroll Sophie into different therapies. GISD is dragging their feet and they keep asking for more paperwork. I've given them enough that they will at least put her case in front of a board to see if she qualifies for the PPCD program. She probably won't start that program until the next school year. We've been wait-listed for speech therapy at the Callier Center. So now we just have to figure out a schedule, find some classes and possibly go back to Mother's Day out for the summer. The speech therapist said that Sophie would respond very well to therapy.
• Gideon is still showing autism red flags. He will turn 3 at the end of June. I've spoken to the GISD people and we're going to wait until he turns 3 and inevitably fails his pediatrician's developmental evaluation. Pair that with a vision and hearing test and we'll see if he can also qualify for the PPCD program in the fall. Again, we'll just look for some speech classes and maybe MDO in the summer. He is talking more and more. We're noticing that what originally looked like red flags are actually part of a shy personality. He's a quiet little introvert just like his Daddy. He can talk but a lot of the time he just chooses not to. He loves to sing and that makes my heart soar.
• Milly is hitting all of her milestones. She's a feisty little thing. I wept tears of joy when I saw her stacking blocks at 14 months old instead of over 2 years old like her siblings. She walks all over and runs if she's getting into something. She laughs at everything and screeches if it's really funny. She eats like a teenage boy. She toots like one, too. She hates wearing bows and dresses. She loves watching the Ranger games. She's Daddy's Little Sunshine. I would love to see her in MDO, too. She's pretty firmly entrenched in the separation anxiety phase and MDO changes that quickly.
• We're staying in the same rental house for another year. There is a lot of work that needs to happen in this house to make it habitable. The majority of the work is going to fall to me. Every room needs to be painted and trim needs to be added. 3 ceiling fans will be replaced and one will be added. Closets will be emptied and reorganized. The master walk-in closet will be turned into a very small office space. The kids will share one bedroom and have a playroom.

All of this is added to the day-to-day cooking, cleaning and general domesticated merriment of a SAHM. I'm still losing weight and inches on the Weight Watchers plan. I've boxed up a ton of my old clothes. There's not a whole lot left. It's irritating to buy new clothes right now for a few reasons and they are both ridiculous.

1. I'm outgrowing clothes quickly. I don't like spending $60 on a pair of jeans that are going to be saggy-baggy in a month. I know. BOO-HOO.
2. Everything is in pretty and bright springy colors right when I'm in a depressive funk. I want to buy all black but then I lust after yellow shirts and cherry covered purses. I know. GET OVER YOURSELF.

All of this rambling diatribe is basically to say that anxiety sucks, my life is actually going very well and I need prayers that God won't stop hitting me with a 2x4 until my eyes uncross and I see what He's given me.

We Took a Walk Today

Fruit Fanatics

Clerks look at me funny when I come through their line with 30 pounds of bananas, 20 pounds of apples, 15 pounds of clementines and 14 bags of grapes.

They have no idea that this is just a weekend snack to my children.

Sophie is just now starting to request little bits of chocolate. It's few and far between. She would much rather have a bowl of fresh strawberries with a cup of apple juice on the side. Gideon would eat 5 oranges in one sitting if I let him. I don't because I know that he would turn himself inside out. Even Milly, my little chocolate milk addict, sets aside cupcakes with disdain because there is fresh pineapple available.

I love my little fruit freaks.

Familial Follies

• We've had a wave of stomach virus descend upon the house. It seemed to skitter over the adults and Sophie, backslap Gideon a little and then hug Milly like a swaddle blanket. Oy, the diapers that child has produced! It seems to be waning. Meanwhile, I just hold my breath when she wants to cuddle.

• Sophie's potty training is pretty much the same. She still poops in her panties and I'm pretty sure it will stay that way until we can communicate a little better. She will go potty in other places and can tell people when she needs to go. Today, as we were all getting a little bit of fresh air, I noticed her coming up our long driveway out of the corner of my eye. I was watching Milly to make sure she didn't eat weeds. I looked up and there was my beautiful big girl...with her pants and panties around her ankles asking to go inside to the potty. We may need to work on proper timing.

• Gideon can't seem to decide if he wants to take naps or not. I know he still needs a little nap each day because he turns into a werewolf at 5:45 if he doesn't have one. I never know what will happen when I put him down. Will he meekly lay down and gently fall asleep only to be awaked by me in an hour when he nestles his sweaty little head on my shoulder? Will he swing his Donald Duck doll around his head while caterwauling and jumping on the crib like a trampoline for an hour? NO ONE KNOWS.

• We have new musical tastes. Sophie loves dancing to Ricky Martin. Milly sing-screeches and dances to Ozzy Osborne. Gideon sits quietly and rocks his head while smiling whenever Beck plays. My kids are cool.

My Delicate Little Flowers

We got a present in the mail yesterday. My MIL had made a framed cross-stitch for Milly just as she had done for Sophie years ago.  Both are beautifully done. My MIL is extremely talented.

Sophie's has her first name in English and in Greek. The verse is 1 Timothy 3:15 and was chosen because "Sophia" means "wisdom" in Greek. Her name is surrounded by cherry blossoms because her middle name is Sakura, the Japanese cherry blossom tree.

We named Milly "Millicent Mei" because we wanted the girls to have somewhat similar name meanings. "Millicent" means "brave strength" in Old French. "Mei" means "the youngest of sisters" and "beautiful" in Japanese. What we had neglected to notice was that there was a blossom hidden in our littlest girl's name, too.

First, I love that my MIL chose one of my favorite verses for Milly. Proverbs 31 is perfect for her because it references that strength that her first name means but it also tells about her smile. My MIL even put a sun on the picture. Ben and I have said time and time again that Milly's smiles are like sunshine in the darkest of night. Second was the flower. Mailed with this beautiful picture were printouts explaining the flower.

Apparently, when the sakura trees are sleeping, the plum trees are blooming. Japanese plum trees are called "Mei".

So these are my sweet flowers. My Sophia Sakura and my Millicent Mei. They blossom at different times so our lives are always filled with beautiful blooms.

Oy

I'm tired and I have a headache. Enjoy this lazy picture post!

Gideon practicing his accounting skills.

While I was doing laundry, Gideon demanded to wear his Daddy's shirt.

"You've got a friend and a breakfast buddy in me!"

Such a lady.

Watching ARCA racing intently with Daddy.

She's hiding. You can't see her.

Milly likes Abby Cadabby.

Family Picnic

Thanksgiving Trip 2011

Yellow Means I'm Happy!

Daddy and his colorful girl.

Line, Please?

So.

PDD-NOS.

Ben and I have accepted Sophie's diagnosis.  Now we're attacking it like the geeks we are; by reading everything available and studying like we're two weeks away from a final exam.  Sophie has not yet had her evaluation by a Special Ed teacher because she needs some medical tests done first.  Until then, we're trying some things we've read about.

Sophie uses something called echolalia. She hears us say something and can't process or understand it so she just repeats the last thing we said.

Before:
Ben:  "I love you, Sophie!"
Sophie: (just repeating) "I love you, Sophie!"

Sophie also uses "scripts" to describe how she is feeling or what she wants.  She usually takes these from her favorite TV shows; Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,  Imagination Movers and Sesame Street.

Sophie:  "Whassa matter?"
Meaning:  "Something is wrong!"
Origin:  Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode "Doctor Daisy, M.D."

Ben and I have been watching and listening to Sophie to see how she uses language and scripts.  We've been trying to modify how we speak to her and see if she responds.

Now:
Ben:  (pointing at himself) "I love you, Sophie!"  (pointing at her) "I love you, Daddy!"
Sophie:  (understanding her line) "I love you, Daddy!"

Now Sophie will come up to me with a grin and say "I love you, Mama!" because she knows that I'm supposed to say "I love you, Sophie!" back to her.  She no longer needs the prompt.

We're working on some more scripts for when she's hungry, tired or needs something.  Basically, we're teaching her how to use pronouns correctly which makes her connect to herself and others the right way.

It's a lot of work but Sophie catches on quickly.  We're already thinking of some flash card ideas and games that we can play.  We also use dialog from Mickey Mouse to see what's going on.  God knew what he was doing when he put me in theater and made it easy for me to learn a lot of lines!

Memories are now Nightgowns

Wearing Daddy's old Quest shirt.

Royal Invasion

In the fall of 2012, a new Disney Princess will be introduced.

Her name is Sofia and she will first descend upon us in a film and then in a TV series which will follow in Spring of 2013.  Unlike Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel and all of the rest, Sofia is a young girl.  The story is that the older Princesses along with Flora, Fauna and Merryweather will all be teaching Princess Sofia how to act like a true Princess.

From the DisneyWikia

Why I am interested in this new Princess? I also have a young Sophia.  She has brown hair and blue eyes.  She is obsessed with all things Disney.  Right now it's all Minnie Mouse but by the end of the year...I think we should be prepared to roll out the red carpet, practice our curtsies and welcome the Princess Sofia the First into our home.

Does this make me the Queen?  If she gets a tiara then I want one, too.

Hippie Chick

Change

My verse for January has been written on my heart.

My verse for February is Philippians 4:8

"Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. You know the teachings I gave you, and you know what you heard me say and saw me do. So follow my example. And God, who gives peace, will be with you."

It's a good verse to write on my heart this month because we have some serious changes happening here in the Dyer house.  On Monday, we took Sophie to see a developmental doctor.  We've had the appointment for months and I've been hoping and praying to hear "speech delay" and "moderate behavioral therapy" and "nothing time can't fix".


Instead we heard this;


"Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) is one of the autism spectrum disorders and is used to describe individuals who do not fully meet the criteria for autistic disorder or Asperger syndrome. PDD-NOS may be thought of as “subthreshold autism," or a diagnosis one can give a person who has “atypical symptomatology.” In other words, when someone has autistic characteristics but some of their symptoms are mild, or they have symptoms in one area (like social deficits), but none in another key area (like restricted, repetitive behaviors), they may be given the PDD-NOS label."
 - Autism Speaks

So now we're reading books and websites about how to communicate with our daughter.  We're making appointments with medical doctors to have her records updated so she can be seen by Special Education programs.  We're reading other parents' stories and realizing how much they sound like our baby.

There are a lot of tears.  There is fear that makes my hands shake.  There is a quiet panic that I can't let my extra-sensitive daughter see because now I know how much it can affect her.

So I go to my verse.

I praise God for Sophie's health.  She's an active little girl with no motor skill delays.
I praise God that Sophie is good and pure.  She loves her family with all of her heart and is keen to our joys and pains.

I praise God for what is true.

I am Sophie's mother.  I am the one who carried her in my body for 34 weeks.  I am the one who stayed up on the futon in the living room while Sophie slept in the baby car seat, wailing if I stopped rocking it in my sleep deprived haze.  I am the one who strapped that baby to my chest with a sling and marched all over the house.  I am the one who sang lullabies to her in the NICU.  I am the one who sat with a cranky toddler in a government office waiting for my turn to speak to someone about food stamps.  I am the one who wipes the tears off of her face when she is scared and the poop off of her butt when she's stinky.

I am the one God gently reminded that this was His baby given to me to care for only a short period of time on this Earth when I was still pregnant.  He trusts me with His child.

I will focus on these things and I will feel God's peace.

The Potty is Not Going To Eat You

Look, the majority of the content on this blog is going to revolve around potty training my stubborn 4 year old daughter for a while.  I might break it up occasionally but right now her shiny little heinie is pretty much the focus of my days.  If you're getting bored then go look at cat videos.

Today was day 2 of Operation Break Sophie's Will or Possibly Pop Her Kidneys.

She came out of bed with the diaper that ate Manhattan.  I cleaned her up and left her pantsless.  My sister calls this the "Winnie the Pooh" or "Donald Duck" method.  Sophie knew what this meant and started getting cranky right away.  I offered a potty trip and she fell to the ground howling.  I said "OK!" and walked away.

She got up.  Stared at me.  Looked at the bathroom.  I could see her little brain working it out.  I didn't care?  I wasn't going to make her do anything?  What's the catch?

I watched her fight all day.  I gave her cup after cup after cup of juice.  Finally, I was sorting clothes in the hallway when it hit.

Sophie came SCA-REE-HEEMING down the hallway like she was on fire.  Again, I calmly looked at her and asked her if she wanted to go potty.  She screamed all the way to the bathroom and I heard clanking, banging, crashes and finally...a small tinkling sound.

The sound of victory.

Granted, she had ripped down my cute little potty chart and peed on it.  She was also just hovering over the potty and had peed in / on it.  It took 15 minutes to calm her down and convince her that she was not going to turn inside out and die right there on the tile floor.  I cleaned everything up and brought out the stickers.

"Stickees?", she said while sniffling.

"Yes, baby!  You get to put stickers on your chart now!"

She gleefully put a sticker in the box and another at the top of the chart.  Then she came out to the living room and paced around and around.  She kept going over to the laundry and bringing me her pants because she knows that pants mean a diaper as well.  I knew she still had to go so I asked her again.  She yelled as she ran into the bathroom...and then ran right back out into the living room.

It's OK.  Mama has Resolve.

After getting everything out of her system, the fight just left her.  She sat in my lap, exhausted and worn.  She slept for 15 minutes that way.  (Me praying the whole time that she didn't pee all over me.)  When she woke up...something clicked.

5 more times today, she went to the potty and did her business.  This time it was with clapping, dancing and elated stickering.  One time, she even ran to me in the kitchen to tell me she had to go.  She went to bed tonight with 6 stickers on her chart and a Pull-Up on her butt.  She fell asleep in minutes.

I know not every day is going to be like this.  Some days will be great.  Some days will go through a whole can of Resolve and most of my resolve.  Today, however, ended with 6 stickers.  I feel like I earned them, too.

Four

Dear Sophie,

Right now you are in your bed with only ONE TOY.  I'm a monster, I know.  You're used to sleeping with about 4 but, since you keep pelting your brother with them, I now limit you to one.  You've been potty training all day.  Since 10:00 this morning you have been totally bare bottomed and have not gone in the potty at all.  No accidents, no potty.  Just pure stubborn I-refuse-to-do-this-on-your-terms.  You went to bed early tonight because you didn't nap and were manic with trying to do the Potty Dance all over the house.

Honestly, you annoyed the crap out of me today.

Four years ago you were lying in the Baylor NICU with a feeding tube in your nose, 3 monitors on your body and an IV in your scalp.  You weighed 5 pounds and 2 ounces.  You were the smallest baby I had ever seen up close.  I remember standing by your bassinet with your Daddy as the nurses told us about your feeding tube and what to expect over the next few days.

God, I was scared.

You were my first.  My first baby.  I thought I had done everything right until my water broke at midnight on the 16th.  You were only 34 weeks along.  After laboring with you for over a day, you entered the world at 6:48 AM on the 17th of January.  Your little head was cone-shaped because you took your sweet time.  You didn't cry.  You were very alert.  The doctor put you on my stomach and all I could see was your tiny right hand waving around as they dried you off.  I was scared and asking why you weren't crying.  As they tried to convince me that some babies just don't cry, I tried to convince myself that you were real by taking that little hand.

You held my finger and my heart shattered.

I was a Mama.  I had always wanted to be a Mama and here you were.  My baby girl.  My Sophia Sakura.  I held you for an hour that seemed like 3 seconds.  Then they took you to the NICU and I didn't see you again for another 7 hours.  It was a tiny taste of the most perfect feeling in the world and then it was snatched away from me.

That first night, I couldn't sleep.  I crept out of my room at 3 in the morning and slowly made my way to the NICU.  They were just about to feed you and offered to try breastfeeding.  We couldn't make it work so they suggested Kangaroo Care instead.  I sat in a comfortable glider with my feet up.  You laid your tiny head on my left breast and tucked your feet under my right breast.  The nurses put warm blankets over both of us and then put a screen around us.

Every muscle in your tiny body relaxed and you fell asleep over my heart.

I sat for hours just marveling at the wonder that is You.  I sang lullabies.  I told you about your cat.  I examined your face to see what family members you resembled.  I will remember those hours for the rest of my life.

Happy birthday, my Sophie-chan.  Please go to the bathroom.

Potty Training is a Go

The bright pink potty chart has been decorated with pictures of Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck.  The sticker bribes are ready.  When 10 stickers are stuck, a prize is won.

The waterproof panties are ready.  We go barebottom the first day, waterproof the next few days and then the Minnie Mouse panties from Grandma are coming out.

The Special Bubbles are next to the potty.  The Special Bubbles can only be used when cheeks are on the seat.

All systems are go.  Operation Potty Train Sophie is ready.

Let's do this thing.