- If I rip the delicate little tab off then I will reach for packing tape instead of another diaper.
- I can tell you which of my kids has soiled themselves just by the smell.
- I can walk down 3 grocery store aisles with my daughter hanging from my shirt, bringing the neckline down to my navel, and not notice a thing.
- Bubble baths are sacred.
- I can carry a boneless and shrieking 4-year old to the car and still remain cheerful in my tone of voice.
- I really don't care if they refuse to eat dinner one night. They're not going to starve. I just mentally make a note to be ready at breakfast.
- Poop, barf, spit, snot and other bodily fluids no longer gross me out. Bring on the nursing degree.
- My bed. MY. BED. NOT THEIRS.
- Cheapo notebooks are better coloring books than actual coloring books.
- Mothers are superheroes who believe that every single other mother is doing it better than they are.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
10 Things I Have Learned in 4 Years of Motherhood
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Girly Things
Usually I boast about how, even though I have prominent girl-parts, I eschew the usual girly parts of life. A small list:
However...I will make a confession here today. I have guilty pleasures. There are 5 main chick flicks that I honestly enjoy. Instead of hanging my head in shame, I will share them with you.
1) Just Like Heaven
Reese Witherspoon is a doctor. Mark Ruffalo is recovering from losing his wife. Reese gets in an accident and becomes a ghost haunting her apartment that Mark is now renting while he wallows in grief.
Wacky hijinks ensue.
2) Sweet Home Alabama
Reese Witherspoon (yes, again) is a Type-A clothing designer trying to make it big in the Big City. Her beautiful and incredibly well-bred boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey, proposes. She says yes but has to leave without explanation. She goes back home.
Because she's still married to the also beautiful Josh Lucas. And she's secretly from ALABAMA. She's a hick, y'all!
The hijinks. They ensue.
3) Life as We Know It
Boy (Josh Duhamel) meets Girl (Katherine Heigl) on a blind date set up by Besty McBesterfriends.
Boy: "You're too uptight and you don't like my rumpled hotness!"
Girl: "Don't make booty calls and get out of my Smart Car!"
Both: "Don't ever make us see each other again, Besty McBesterfriends!"
Cue the montage where Boy and Girl see each other all of the time because of Besty McBesterfriends. Baby is introduced and Boy and Girl both love her.
Besty McBesterfriends are lost and it is sad. Then Boy and Girl find out that they left the Baby for both of them to raise.
Here come the hijinks.
4) Moulin Rouge!
*sigh*
This one, I don't feel that guilty. The music is amazing. Ewan McGregor is tasty. Nicole Kidman can SANG. The sets, the costumes, the songs...
Even John Leguizamo can't mess this one up.
These hijinks are dramatic and sweeping.
5) Steel Magnolias
This is my favorite movie of all time. I saw it for the first time when I was in 6th grade. (Thank you, Melissa!) The cast is amazing. The writing is perfect. The story makes me laugh and cry every single time. I cannot wait to watch this with my daughters.
The best part? The quotes:
"It's got gray icing, I can't even begin to think how you make gray icing"
"I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer."
"I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural."
"This is in the freezes beautifully section of my cookbook, and I wanted to bring something that freezes beautifully"
So there you have it. I have confessed!
(links and images from Wikipedia)
- makeup involving more than Bare Minerals and mascara
- angst-ridden drama TV like Grey's Anatomy
- reality TV like the Real Wives of NY or LA or Windsor or whoever is popular
- gossip magazines or websites like Perez Hilton
- chick flicks
However...I will make a confession here today. I have guilty pleasures. There are 5 main chick flicks that I honestly enjoy. Instead of hanging my head in shame, I will share them with you.
1) Just Like Heaven
Wacky hijinks ensue.
2) Sweet Home Alabama
Because she's still married to the also beautiful Josh Lucas. And she's secretly from ALABAMA. She's a hick, y'all!
The hijinks. They ensue.
3) Life as We Know It
Boy: "You're too uptight and you don't like my rumpled hotness!"
Girl: "Don't make booty calls and get out of my Smart Car!"
Both: "Don't ever make us see each other again, Besty McBesterfriends!"
Cue the montage where Boy and Girl see each other all of the time because of Besty McBesterfriends. Baby is introduced and Boy and Girl both love her.
Besty McBesterfriends are lost and it is sad. Then Boy and Girl find out that they left the Baby for both of them to raise.
Here come the hijinks.
4) Moulin Rouge!
This one, I don't feel that guilty. The music is amazing. Ewan McGregor is tasty. Nicole Kidman can SANG. The sets, the costumes, the songs...
Even John Leguizamo can't mess this one up.
These hijinks are dramatic and sweeping.
5) Steel Magnolias
The best part? The quotes:
"It's got gray icing, I can't even begin to think how you make gray icing"
"I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer."
"I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural."
"This is in the freezes beautifully section of my cookbook, and I wanted to bring something that freezes beautifully"
So there you have it. I have confessed!
(links and images from Wikipedia)
Insomnia
I'm not asleep.
I'm up and obsessing.
There's just too much in my brain.
What needs to be done to make this house habitable?
What does Sophie need next?
Does the pediatrician have all of the shot records for all of the kids?
Where does Gideon need to go first to be evaluated?
Did I put my delicates in the dryer?
How in the world am I going to do all of this house stuff by myself?
Why did I eat so many Reese's Eggs?
Should I feel bad for not taking the kids to an Easter Egg hunt?
The kids hate candy and crowds so why am I beating myself up?
Seriously, where are my delicates?
How clean does my house need to be before I can call in a maid service?
How do I get rid of those ants in the front yard?
How am I supposed to get myself to the doctor with three kids in tow?
Is there an eye doctor able to see my weirdo kids?
Is it really 2 AM?
Would anyone notice if I went to go get cigarettes?
How many lists can one person make in one night?
On and on and on and on...
I hate depression.
I hate anxiety.
I hate this.
I'm up and obsessing.
There's just too much in my brain.
What needs to be done to make this house habitable?
What does Sophie need next?
Does the pediatrician have all of the shot records for all of the kids?
Where does Gideon need to go first to be evaluated?
Did I put my delicates in the dryer?
How in the world am I going to do all of this house stuff by myself?
Why did I eat so many Reese's Eggs?
Should I feel bad for not taking the kids to an Easter Egg hunt?
The kids hate candy and crowds so why am I beating myself up?
Seriously, where are my delicates?
How clean does my house need to be before I can call in a maid service?
How do I get rid of those ants in the front yard?
How am I supposed to get myself to the doctor with three kids in tow?
Is there an eye doctor able to see my weirdo kids?
Is it really 2 AM?
Would anyone notice if I went to go get cigarettes?
How many lists can one person make in one night?
On and on and on and on...
I hate depression.
I hate anxiety.
I hate this.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Wednesday Whine
You don't have to read it. Just let me get it out.
Yesterday, DFW was hit with a dozen tornadoes. I am so not exaggerating. I spent two hours in the small bathroom surrounded by toys, snacks, pillows and blankets with my three kids.
That was two hours of telling the kids that NO we can't go watch Mickey and please sit down and how about we watch something on Mama's computer and PLEASE STOP KICKING EACH OTHER.
After about 30 minutes, I was ready for the tornado to take us. Praise God for wireless internet, laptops and You Tube.
Today we're all cranky and discombobulated. We can't go outside to hit their reset buttons. It's way too muddy and there are ants everywhere. Sophie took one look and said "No. Icky." Gideon headed straight for the biggest puddle of mud he could find until I yanked him back.
My head is killing me. Snot from Mars is trying to suffocate me along with the Texas pollen that was kicked up yesterday.
Milly isn't happy unless she is hunting down another basket of toys to upend and scatter to the four winds. Actually, all of the kids just want the toys spread in a fine layer on the living room floor. They don't really want to play with them. I guess they just want to see every single one.
If I step on that stupid giraffe Little People toy again then it's going to the moon.
I feel terrible complaining when we have it so easy. People lost homes, cars and were severely injured yesterday. My family is safe. The house is fine.
I just don't feel good and the kids are running me ragged. Sorry for the whine.
Yesterday, DFW was hit with a dozen tornadoes. I am so not exaggerating. I spent two hours in the small bathroom surrounded by toys, snacks, pillows and blankets with my three kids.
 |
| Going to the mattresses means something different in Texas. |
That was two hours of telling the kids that NO we can't go watch Mickey and please sit down and how about we watch something on Mama's computer and PLEASE STOP KICKING EACH OTHER.
After about 30 minutes, I was ready for the tornado to take us. Praise God for wireless internet, laptops and You Tube.
Today we're all cranky and discombobulated. We can't go outside to hit their reset buttons. It's way too muddy and there are ants everywhere. Sophie took one look and said "No. Icky." Gideon headed straight for the biggest puddle of mud he could find until I yanked him back.
My head is killing me. Snot from Mars is trying to suffocate me along with the Texas pollen that was kicked up yesterday.
Milly isn't happy unless she is hunting down another basket of toys to upend and scatter to the four winds. Actually, all of the kids just want the toys spread in a fine layer on the living room floor. They don't really want to play with them. I guess they just want to see every single one.
If I step on that stupid giraffe Little People toy again then it's going to the moon.
I feel terrible complaining when we have it so easy. People lost homes, cars and were severely injured yesterday. My family is safe. The house is fine.
I just don't feel good and the kids are running me ragged. Sorry for the whine.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Judged
Today was grocery day. I loaded Gideon and Sophie into the car and we headed to the WalMarts. They needed to get out of the house. I wanted Sophie's opinion on what to get. She can actually voice her wants and preferences now!
We're walking down the aisles; Gideon is in the seat of the cart and Sophie is next to me. Sophie is gleefully pointing at things she recognizes and calling out the names. She repeats things often and wants me to repeat them, too. I keep her out of the way of other shoppers as best I can but she's 4 and she's fast. She listens well, though, and comes back to me every single time I call her name. I have to call it a lot.
Gideon is DONE WITH THIS about halfway through the aisles. He starts whining and hitting at me. I know this behavior. He just wants to be held.
Aside: We're almost certain that Gideon is going to test somewhere on the spectrum. He only shows two feelings; happiness and frustration. The rest of the time, he is a blank slate. He lines up toys and builds sculptures that no 2-year old should be able to see. He is almost perfectly mute except for a few repetitive speeches from TV and songs. I can already see stimming when he gets upset. The only thing that is different is that he seems to crave rather than shy away from physical touch. It MUST be from me, though. I have to hold him a certain way when he gets upset. I have to speak to him or sing his lullabye.
I stop our cart, make sure Sophie is holding onto the side and looking at the cracker selection and reach down to hug Gideon. I speak softly to him and we count to ten. He perks up a little and we go on our way. It's then that I see a young woman giving me a horribly dirty look. She walks away with a young man while muttering something about "spoiled brats".
Really.
I desperately wanted to turn around and say something witty, scathing and educational to this woman. I wanted to yell at her that we were actually having a very good day. I wanted to tell her about all of the leaps that Sophie had done over the last month. I wanted to tell her why she was so very wrong about my children.
Instead, I turned around and asked Sophie whether she wanted Cheez-Its or Goldfish. She wanted Goldfish. The color ones.
That woman was ignorant. She has no idea what my family struggles with every single day. She chose to make a snap decision based on what she saw. She saw a very tall girl who looks to be about 5 that can barely speak running back and forth across the aisles while her mother called her back every 3 minutes. She saw a little boy whining and smacking his mother and the mother just cradled him like it was OK.
Autism, PDD-NOS, Aspergers and other spectrum disorders don't show on the outside. It's not like having a child in a wheelchair or a child who uses sign language. Our kids usually just look rude and poorly parented. In reality, those kids are my life. Not a day goes by where I don't try to teach them something about God, manners, speech or anything else I can do. I feel like I have to teach sideways because that's how they see the world. It's slow going because I have to learn them first, then translate what I want to teach into their language and then teach them.
The next time you see a mother struggling with her children, please don't make a snap decision. That child may be battling something you can't see. That child might just be late for a nap. Either way, give an encouraging smile and let that mother know that she's going to be OK.
We're walking down the aisles; Gideon is in the seat of the cart and Sophie is next to me. Sophie is gleefully pointing at things she recognizes and calling out the names. She repeats things often and wants me to repeat them, too. I keep her out of the way of other shoppers as best I can but she's 4 and she's fast. She listens well, though, and comes back to me every single time I call her name. I have to call it a lot.
Gideon is DONE WITH THIS about halfway through the aisles. He starts whining and hitting at me. I know this behavior. He just wants to be held.
Aside: We're almost certain that Gideon is going to test somewhere on the spectrum. He only shows two feelings; happiness and frustration. The rest of the time, he is a blank slate. He lines up toys and builds sculptures that no 2-year old should be able to see. He is almost perfectly mute except for a few repetitive speeches from TV and songs. I can already see stimming when he gets upset. The only thing that is different is that he seems to crave rather than shy away from physical touch. It MUST be from me, though. I have to hold him a certain way when he gets upset. I have to speak to him or sing his lullabye.
I stop our cart, make sure Sophie is holding onto the side and looking at the cracker selection and reach down to hug Gideon. I speak softly to him and we count to ten. He perks up a little and we go on our way. It's then that I see a young woman giving me a horribly dirty look. She walks away with a young man while muttering something about "spoiled brats".
Really.
I desperately wanted to turn around and say something witty, scathing and educational to this woman. I wanted to yell at her that we were actually having a very good day. I wanted to tell her about all of the leaps that Sophie had done over the last month. I wanted to tell her why she was so very wrong about my children.
Instead, I turned around and asked Sophie whether she wanted Cheez-Its or Goldfish. She wanted Goldfish. The color ones.
That woman was ignorant. She has no idea what my family struggles with every single day. She chose to make a snap decision based on what she saw. She saw a very tall girl who looks to be about 5 that can barely speak running back and forth across the aisles while her mother called her back every 3 minutes. She saw a little boy whining and smacking his mother and the mother just cradled him like it was OK.
Autism, PDD-NOS, Aspergers and other spectrum disorders don't show on the outside. It's not like having a child in a wheelchair or a child who uses sign language. Our kids usually just look rude and poorly parented. In reality, those kids are my life. Not a day goes by where I don't try to teach them something about God, manners, speech or anything else I can do. I feel like I have to teach sideways because that's how they see the world. It's slow going because I have to learn them first, then translate what I want to teach into their language and then teach them.
The next time you see a mother struggling with her children, please don't make a snap decision. That child may be battling something you can't see. That child might just be late for a nap. Either way, give an encouraging smile and let that mother know that she's going to be OK.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)